Mushonga wekutyiwa nezvinhu zvose

Umwe murume akaenda kun'anga akati asekuru ndipei mushonga wekutyiwa nezvinhu zvose.Asekuru vakagadzira mushonga vakamupa.Murume akati achisvika kumba akaona huku kiti nembwa dzichitiza akati ndazviona,paakapinda mumba mukadzi akabva atiza,murume akaenda zve kun'anga kuti aiudze kuti kwete mudzimai,n'anga payakamuona yakabva yatiza kkkkkkk

Kupera kwa January

Ende zvakaoma! Shuwa here kunyepera kundifarira asi nerweseri uchitaura zvakaipa pamusoro pangu. Munhu wese akungoti akatadza kuronga hupenyu hwake oti ndini ndirikukonzeresa. Ndakakutadzireiko ini?
Hamusirimi maipfatsura muchitenga kunge vanhu vanopenga pa Christmas? Saka zvakuramba kubatana ikozvino makuti ndini. Ndokundijairira kwandisingade ikoko. Kunyarara hakusi kupusa. 
Manje this week ndiri kurova pasi! Mosara nevamunoda. Mozondiona gore ramangwana. Kana ndakudzoka handidi kunzwa muchiti hee nyupwere nyupwere zvisina basa. 

NDINI jANUARY

Mai Chisamba - Kujairira basa kwakaoma

Mai Chisamba vachitaura nemurume wavo:

Hubby:  My love, I love you with all my heart!

Mai Chisamba: Eheee ndizvozvo varoverei maoko. Mafungiro avowo!!!

Ndidzokorore here? Makwikwi eNzou

Vamwe baba vaifarira zvekutamba njuga, rimwe zuva vakaverenga mupepanhau maive makashambadzwa nzou yaiitiswa competition.
Zvainzi kwaidiwa munhu anokwanisa kuita kuti nzou iyoyo icheme. Paihwinwa mari ine chitsama. Mudhara akagaya munyati, ndokuenda kumakwikwi aya. 
Mudhara uya akasvika akaona vanhu vakawanda vachizama nzira dzose asi nzou isingacheme. mdhara Akaongorora nzou iya akaona iri hadzi akati hazvinetse, akabva akumbira kuti vanhu vese vamupe mkana ndokuupihwa. Akabva anyahwaira ndokuenda kushure kwayo achibva aita zvekutunga nemusoro uchibva wanyura munhengo yesikarudzi yenzou iya. Ipapo ipapo nzou yakanzwikwa kuchema yarwadziwa ukuwo mdhara musoro wakuramba kubuda, vanhu vakatozoita bishi kumukakata kuti abude ndokumumhanyisa kuchipatara sezvo ainge akomoka nekushaya mweya wekufema asi akanga atohwina. 
Zvino, after 2 days mdhara uya akaonazve mubepanhau nzou imwecheteyo yadzoka zvekare mucompetition asi this time kwaidiwa munhu anoita kuti nzou iyi igutsurire musoro yobva yazoudzungudza zvekare. 
Mudhara akafunga mari ndokumhanya kumakwikwi aya zvekare. Akasvika kuya ndokuona vanhu vari mushishi kukakatana nemusoro wenzou aasi isingabvume zvavaida. Akakumbira mukana vanhu vakambomuseka vachiti aifunga kuti angabudirire here sezvaakamboita pakutanga.
Zvisinei vakamupa mkana, mdhara akangoenda kumberi kwenzou kwakuizevezera munzeve achiti:
"Uchiri kundiziva?"
 Nzou yakagutsurira musoro mdara ndokuti:
"Ndokudzokorora zvandakambokuita futi?"
Nzou yakabva yadzungudza musoro vanhu vose vakaombera maoko mudhara akabva atohwina!

January Disease - Dai achipera hake January

Dai January achipera hake zvimwe zvatava kunzwa kuti zvinonaka so.  
Hanzi nyevhe yasangana nematemba zvinonaka umwewo hanzi rice rine avocado umwe hanzi spagheti rine dovi zvinonaka zvidhakwa hanzi ndaisaziva kuti krango inonaka inoda wadya chete, vakadziwo hanzi jolly inonaka especially uine ma ice inobva yaita coke chaiyo kkkkkk dai achipera hake January ukuwo vanoenda kubasa hanzi vakomana vemakombi vanodada ndava kuenda nema pickup.

Abraham na Isaki vemu bhaibheri vakubva ku sacrifice

That awkward silence when Abraham and Isaac were walking home after he tried to sacrifice him...
Abraham: I love u son.
Isaac: mdara dai muri mumwe munhu mambosiyana neni.

Mupei mushonga wacho rifire mudumbu

Mai B: Baba B, mwana amedza gonzo mhenyu yuwiiiii !!!! 
Baba B : haa handidi mukadzi akapusa tora mushonga wemakonzo umupe rifire mudumbu

10+10 ichii

Baba: 10+10 
Tindo: 15 
Baba: ‎uchafa uri dofo 
Tindo: baba mukaona 20us ne 100 us muno nhonga ipi?
Baba: 100us ka 
Tindo: muchafa muri rombe hantie unonhonga yese

Mushakabvu akabva amuka

Pazvakangonzi phone yemufi ngaipihwe mukadzi, ipapo mushakabvu akabva amuka

Pane angaitawo penzura?

Nhai pane angaiteiwo penzura nemacrayons? Ndagashira tsamba kubank kwangu hanzi ndiuye kunodrawer mari mangwana.

Kune vari kutsvaka mabasa...

Pane vari kutsvaga MABASA here pano vari serious. Vhurai mabhaibheri enyu new testament panoperera jowani ndipo pana MABASA

Munoda kuri pfeka here?

Passenger: Mukuwasha mandipa dolla rakabvaruka.  
Conducter: Ambuya musanetse, munoda kuripfeka here?

chinoz - chicken cuts

Teacher :ndiani angatipewo 2 types dzefood dzekuti tikadzisanganisa tinoburitsa 1type of food. 
Chinoz : chicken ne katsi. Zvinoti buritsira ma chicken cuts.

Ndiyani anokuti 'Beautiful' pakati peusiku iyeye?

Veduwe zviri mudzimba zvakaoma. Mukadzi nemurume vakarara fon yemukadzi iri pacharge. Time yava around 0000hrs murume akamuka anzwa fon yemukadzi ichirira kamwe kasound. Paakaitarisa akamutsa mukadzi. Murume ndokut kumukadzi wake;" Ndianiko anokutumira message yekuti BEAUTIFUL pakati peusiku kudai"? Mukadzi akabva apindura murume wake nehasha zvikanzi,"Kana musingachaoni endai mundoparwa maziso baba, pakanzi BEAUTIFUL here apa kana kut pakanzi BATTERY FULL?"

Murume achitengera mukadzi wake Bra

Ko yemazamu iyi pakazopinda vamwe blaz muBotique ndokuti "Ndirikudawo bra yaMadam vangu. Asi handizivi kuti vanopfeka size ipi. I just want to surprise her" Zvikanzi naShop owner. "Hazvinetse, ane mazamu anenge maPaw paw here?" zvikanzi "Kwete, maPaw paw akurisa" zvikanzi "ko maOrange?" zvikanzi "kwete, maOrange akurisa zvakare." zvikanzi "semazai?" Zvikanzi "exactly, semazai, but ari maFried".