Chinoz - 1Million Man March 2016

Reporter: Vachinoz maiona sei march yanhasi? Chinoz: Yabudirira hayo asi pakaitwa mistake nokuti yaifanira kunzi 1Million Man May nekuti March akatopfuura!

Roora repa whatsapp

With the advancement of technology things are going to change. Very soon there will be no need for people to gather kana munhu achiroorwa. Simply create a group on WhatsApp " Kuroorwa kwaChipo" Admin Tezvara and Munyayi. Pachingo rohwa ma Ecocash transactions. Matekenyandebvu $100. Mukwasha typing...... yawandisa ndine $10. Tezvara typing.......kkkkkkkk ita serious. Ambhuya varamwa. Ambhuya Left.....

mukwasha asina chinhu

There was this mukwasha who was so poor aiti akaenda kwa ambuya nevamwe vakwasha kana nyama aingopiwa a bit vakwasha vanemari vachidya hobho. One day vakaenda as usual and he was given almost huku yose and was very happy kuti pamwe they discovered kuti he was the best. After eating akatenda nemoyo wese ambuya zvikanzi ......."Muchitendeiko Huku yacho yakafa yoga Saka ndaona kuti vamwe havangadyi zvakafa zvega"

Muroora - Zvinzvimbo pamusha

Vamwene vachiudza muroora mutsva: "Muroora, pamba pano VaTezvara wako ndivo President, Minister of Defence, Minister of Finance and Minister of Health. Ini Amwene vako ndini Vice President uye Minister of Home Affairs, Minister of Agriculture, Minister of National Housing and Minister of Gender. Murume wako uyu ndiye minister of youth saka iwe muroora pako ndepapi ?
Muroora achinyemwerera ndokuti "Ini ndiri leader weOpposition party."

Sei usiri kudya?

Mapenzi akapiwa ndiro dzechikafu dzisina chinhu zvikanzi idyai vachida kuona kuti hapana rava nani, mapenzi aya ndokutanga kuita seari kudya. Chiremba vakafara vachiona rimwe risingadyi zvikanzi, wakamirirei usingadyi? zvikanzi nebenzi ndakamirira kuti zvipore

MuNdebele achitaura Shona

Ndebele people in Harare speak Shona like this :
Zwakatanga pandakaona bana bachitamba panze ku Stungwiza, mumwe wacho so akavha aputa gedhi achita kutora bhora tjo! akavha adhumwa nemhota, bakatanga kuchema zwakandi nzwisa tsitsi vele hai ah. Tikavha tamuridzira song ya Pastor lokhuzeni Charamba iya yekuti puruka puruka puruka mweya unoyera.

Roora - mkwasha asina mari

Tezvara: Gogoi $10, Makandinzwa nani $10, Matekenya ndebvu $120, Vhuramuromo $300. Chimbobvisai iyoyo mkwasha tichazotaura imwe nekufamba kwenguva. 
Mkwasha: Ndafamba ndisina mari baba ndati ndimbonzwa ma price. 
Tezvara: Urikuti kudii nhai Sinyoro?
Mkwasha: Ndati ndauya kuzotora ma price chete mukaona ndati zii moziva kuti maprice akanyanya. 
Tezvara: Wati kudii? Chibuda uende kumba kwako! Ndozvawatiunganidzira pano tichisiya mabasa? buda!! Kamani out! 
Mkwasha: (rambei akati shikiriri kugara akatsikitsira). 
Tezvara: Uchiri wakagarirei ndati buda! 
Mkwasha: handina mari yebhazi

Mbudzi yatengwa marii

Mumwe murume akaba mbudzi ndokubva apa mwana wake kuti anotengesa. Mwana akasangana neshamwari dzake akabva asungirira mbudzi pamuti ndobva vanotamba zvavo. Mwana achidzoka wanei mbudzi yabiwa. Achisvika kumba 
Mdhara: wadzoka so early mbudzi yatengwa here? 
Mwana: Ehe yatengwa baba. 
Mdhara: Yatengwa nemarii? 
Mwana: Vanhu havachabhadhari baba, yatengwa nesame price yamakatenga nayo.

Idyai spinach

Amai nevana are eating sadza nespinach and gotwe is refusing to eat.  Amai says , 
"Idya spinach iyi mwanangu  unokura wakanaka kumeso'                  
Gotwe asks ,''Asi pamakakura kwanga kusina spinach kani?"

Dynamos Dembare - Debola

Breaking news,  Ministry of Health has announced the outbreak of a new disease called "Debola".

Debola ia caused by supporting Dynamos . Most affected people are from Mbare area so please stop supporting Dembare too much.  Symptoms are 1 violent 2 demonic 3 skin become blue 4 mentally retarded 

5+5 ndiyani - pasina kuverenga zvigumwe

Teacher akati 5+5 ndiani?  Handidi kuona anoverenga zvigunwe!
Kamwe kamukomana nekungwara kakaisa zvigumwe mubhurugwa ndokuverenga. Kapedza kakasimudza ruoko ndokuti 5 + 5 ndi 11

Murora navamwene - anobvisa ndiyani

Muroora: Haloo mhamha 

Vamwene: Hes mwanangu varisei vamwe? 

Muroora : varinani havo, ndine mubvunzo mhamha.. 

Vamwene: sununguka mwanangu

Muroora : mwana akazviitira tsvina anofanira kubvisa ndiani? 

Vamwene : amai vacho ka ndovanobvisa mwanangu... Otoita mwoyo wekubereka. 

Muroora : maita basa mhamha, in this case mwana wenyu adhakwa abva azviitira tsvina saka mosvika nguwai kuzobvisa??

Vana vechikoro vanonyima

 Ndiani anonyima pavana vechikoro ava:
1.Mockery anotakurira rice mugaba recamphor...
2.Mercy anodyira mangai muhengechepfu achinyepedzera kufura madzihwa...
3. Trynos anotakurira mazoe muchigubhu cheharpic...
4. Kumbirai anotakurira majigizi mubepa resurf....

kombi - ndibvisewo

A beautiful young lady was sitting next to a man in a combi, she was so sexy, and then she said to the guy "excuse me, unonzi ani?"
Guy said " Codza "
Then she said " Codza, can you please help me remove something from my breasts?" 
The excited young man replied and said " it will be my pleasure, what is it?"
Then the woman said "your eyes! idiot!"

Asi watumwa nema white imperialist?

Prof Moyo vachitaura nemudzimai wavo: 

Amai Prof: Nhai daddy dai taita bonde nhasi, tagarisa! Kubva paCongress shuwa...
Prof: Asi watumwa nema white imperialists kahi? Ndoziva kuti #dirtyharry ari involved #ourflag.