• Mbuya vako munigga vanodropa zambia vomonerera dhuku mumaoko
  • Baba vakadzingwa basa nenyaya yekutambisa gedhi palunch
  • Haisi mhosva yako,imhosva yema dzitateguru ako aienda kuhondo asina zvombo achitemba kupopota
  • Ndosaka baba vako vakarohwa naamai nenyaya yekuchemera kurara muprema
  • Matama semimba yegonzo!
  • Wakapusa kunge mukadzi wen'anga anodaidza murume wake kuti sekuru
  • Uri benzi wakarega chikoro munhu wawaikopa afa 
  • Kumashure kune chirimi kana wakubudisa mweya kunoti thuuuu.
  • Kumba kunotyiwa aids kwamunobika makapfekedza mugoti condom
  • Kungwarisa kunge wakakura uchichera nyoka
  • Face yakachecheudzwa
  • Mumba menyu mugomba vanhu vakati gogoi unoti wirai
  • Kusviba zvekuti ukapinda musango tsubvu dzose dzinodonha dzichiti IGWEEE
  • Ndosaka wakaenda kuhondo nepinjisi uchiti urikuda kunosunungura Zimbabwe.
  • Kumusha kure kunosvika mapostori akunzi mawhite ninjaa
  • Kusviba kunge blackmarket
  • Dhirezi rako rakahwinwa nababa vako vakunda munhu wese kuridza chiwepu padhibhi.
  • Kuomera ungati chibereko chehure.
  • Kufumuka kunge mukadzi wechigure anonongedzera murume wake achiti ichoo.
  • Wakajaidzwa nambuya vako vaikurova neZambia.
Ambuya varikudaidza muzukuru wavo: mzukuru hwanda mudzidzisi wako uyo arikuuya hauna kuenda kuchikoro.
Muzukuru: "Hwandai imimi! Ndanga ndatumira shoko rokuti mafa, saka kutouya kuzondibata maoko uku!"
Mumwe muface akanda nebhebhi rake kuchicken Inn ndokubva vadya 2 piecer yake yake. Vapedza ndokudya maicecream apa vangavaguta manje mface akazoti kuna waiter "tipewoka matooth pick" zvikanzi nebhebhi richiyemerera " aah shamwari matooth pick unodya wega ini ndazvimbirwa
End of year awards
  1. Disease of the year - Ebola
  2. Sabhuku of the year - Vharazipi
  3. Drink of the year - twizza
  4. Social network of the year - Whatsapp
  5. Prophet of the year - W Magaya
  6. Comedian of the year - Mdara Chinoz
  7. The Church with more graduates in karate - kumasowe kuye kwekurohwa police
  8. Harlot of the year - Bev
  9. The most powerful party - Zanu PF
  10. (9) Doctor of the year - Doctor Amai Grace Mugabe
This is Big Sister Grace, Goche you have been evicted.Please leave the party now...
Welcome to Big Brother Zanu PF, last week we witnessed the eviction of Rugare Gumbo, this week we saw Ray Kaukonde being evicted. Joyce Mujuru has been nominated for eviction next week, continue to vote and save your favourite housemate. It looks like Jonathan Moyo is safe and he is likely to walk away wth the $300 000 prize money.
All WhatsApp Group Administrators are invited to a Meeting With Amai Grace Mugabe (PHD) in Mazowe
Mumwe mudhara wechiMalawi akanzi ataurire vanhu parufu kuti food yashota iko ndokuti- 
"Pamusoloi mazibaba, pamusoloi mazimai ali kumoto. Tipeiwo zewe zenyu kuno! Nyaya ilipano ndiyakuti chikafu chashota. Saka zichaitika ndezekuti:
  1. Isu Webheliya tichaja nenyama
  2. Hama zemudhuze mudhuze zichaja nakabichi
  3. Wekule kule, zishamwali, masawhila, muno mose munoja kuzimba zenyu.
  4. Ko driver weZUPCO alipo?
Driver: Ehe ndiripo!!!
Vely good. Unoja kukambani kwako!
Ndiri worried zvisingaite, ndawana mukadzi nevana vachitaurira pasi pasi. Pandangopinda vanyarara, ndiri kufunga vanga vachitaura zve Vote of no Confidence on me. Kana kupinda mutoilet chaimo ndiri kutya kuvasiya vega.Ndoitawo sei vanhuwe?
Zanu pf haisisina Simba,
Zanu pf haisisina Midzi
Zanupf haichina weku Themba
Zanu pf haisisina Rugare
lnogona kudzoka kuCongress isisina Joy. Yadyiwa nemujuru
Muvhitori achibvunza mukorekore nzira:
Muvhitori: ndopazhira here apa?
Mukorekore: pazhira uone murovero wandokuita!
Chinoz aive akalaxer zvake mupark, pakabva pasvika a white lady.
White Lady: Oooh are you relaxing?
Chinoz: No i am Chinoz.
White Lady: No i am just asking, are you relaxing?
Chinoz: Haaa ibvapa iwe ndinonzi Chinotimba mhani!
Then akabva asimuka akutenderera zvake mupark,  akabva aona kawhite kid kaitamba zvako...
Chinoz: Are you Relaxing?
White Kid: Yes i am..
Chinoz: Pfutseki wako mhanya kuna mbuya wako vari kukutsvaga. Vari kungobvunza munhu wese kuti are you relaxing, are you relaxing...
A journalist ask cde chinoz: "do yu have any comments about the death of mandela. "
Chinoz: " oh yes yes. Africa has lost an aircon"
Zvinoita munhu kana arwara akomana zvakaoma. 
Vamwe mai vakaenda koona murume wavo ainge arwara muchipatara. Vakamuigira mazai akakafraiwa zvakanzi nemurume wacho: "handisikuda akafraiwa dai mauya neakaboiliswa".
Mangwana mukadzi uya ndokuuya neakaboiliswa zvakanzi "aiwa dai mauya neakafraiwa ".
Ava mangwana acho mukadzi uya ndokuuya neakafraiwa neakaboiliswa zvakanzi nemurume wacho: "aiwa, amafraya aya dai ariwo amaboirisa aya akaboiler dai ariwo amafraya".
Mumwe murume akapinda mubarbershop aine mwana wake mukomana. 
Murume ndokutanga kugerwa apedza bvaati rega ndimbonotenga nyama ndouya ndobhadhara ka 1 sara uchigera mwana wangu.
Mwana uya apedza kugerwa barber aona kuti baba vaya vanonoka kudzoka akabvunza mwana uye kuti baba vake vainge vanotenga nyama kure zvakadii.
Mukomana uya ndokupindura kuti "handivazive ini havasi baba vangu. Tangosangana panze zvakanzi mwanagu handeyi togerwa mahara"