Teacher: Baba vanoenda kubasa netsoka vanonzi chii?
Fatso: vanonzi Stepfather
Vamwe baba vakati vava kufa, vakati regai ndiraire mwana zvokuita parufu pachauya vanhu vachibata maoko.

Panouya mapostori, uvige sugar, 
Pachauya veAnglican uvige doro , 
Pachauya veMethodist uvige  nyama , 
Panouya maPentecost uvige mari, 
Panouya veEndtime (Gumbura) uvige amai vako.

Reporter: nhai vaChinoz munoti kudiiko ne Ebola irikuda kupinda munyika? 
Chinoz: haa mfana yakapinda kare kare, ndiyo yaingonzi nanavaMugabe nepa T.V pose kuti IBOLA EGEDIN
  • When Zimbabweans have money and minerals they keep it in Switzerland. 
  • When they are sick they go to South Africa or Malaysia. 
  • When buying mansions they visit Dubai or London. 
  • When shopping they go to China or Dubai. 
  • When on holiday they visit South Africa, America or London. 
  • When educating their children they select South Africa, Malaysia, Australia, UK or America. 
  • When praying they go to Lagos or Jerusalem, 

BUT when they die they all want to be BURIED in ZIMBABWE! 
Please could you ask them for me, is ZIMBABWE A CEMETERY?
Chinoz and Gono vachirova gochi gochi...,
Chinoz: Reply the meat
Gono: What..??
Chinoz: I said reply the meat
Gono: What.....!
Chinoz: Ndati pindura nyama iyo dofo..
Dear Mukuwasha,

Ndanga ndichiti ndikuzivise kuti grocery ndakariwona asi ndokumbira kuti next tym musanditengerewo mukaka wakanzi Handy andy unoitisa manyoka.
President Robert Mugabe visited Chinoz at his one-roomed house & he knocked on the door.
Chinoz: Ndiyani ?
RGM: I am his excellency; the head of state and gvt; the commander in chief of the Zimbabwe defence forces; the chancellor of all state universities; the first and permanent secretary of revolutionary party  of zanu pf, the father of Chatunga, the most educated president in the world and the president of the republic of zimbabwe, cde Robert Gabriel Mugabe.
Chinoz: ah makawandisa hamukwani ndine nzvimbo yemunhu one chete!
Jonso aive neshop asi yaisatengwa nekuda kubooster business  akaenda kun'anga ndokunzi auye nechiropa chemunhu. Iye nekutya kuuraya munhu akabva aenda nechembudzi. Asvika kuye n'anga ndokuita zvayakaita zvikanzi mangwana chaiye uchaona maresults. Mangwana acho achisvika pashop akaona pasinga pindike nembudzi!
MuExam yeGeo CHINOTIMBA anobvisa  hembe dzose osara nebrief.
Invigilator: ko zvadiizve nhaivaChinotimba.
chinoz: ndiri kuanswer  number 4 yakanzi answer in brief...
Zimbabwe today recorded its first Ebola case in Hurungwe.This morning at the district hospital a healthy baby boy named Ebola Moyo was born at 05:27hrs to happy parents Fred and Monica Moyo....

Rimwe zuva Chinoz akafunga kuenda kuSouth Africa, ndokutenga ticket number 8 rebhazi rePathfinder.

Sezvo bhazi rePathfinder rine mamwe maseats epasi mamwe emudenga,Chinoz rake renumber 8 renge riri repasi asi iye akaita nharo ndokunogara repamusoro number 40.Murume enge and number 40 paakauya Chinoz akaramba kusumuka. Murume uya akano reporter kusecurity yekwaPathfinder asi vakamukoniwa.

Mumwewi blazo ndokusimuka akandozevezera Chinoz munzeve,pakarepo Chinoz ndokurongedza zvinhu zvake ndokuenda paseat repasi.

Vanhu vakashamisika vakabvunza murume uye kuti akange amuzevezera kuti kudii, iye ndokuti ndamuudza kuti maseats epamusoro arikuenda kuMalawi epasi ndiwo arikuenda kuSouth Africa

Muface: uri pa whatsapp?
Chimoko: aiwa
Muface: ko facebook?
Chimoko: aiwa
Muface: ko twitter hayo?
Chimoko: handipo
Muface: saka uri pai?
Chimoko: ndiri pa eco-cash

Takagara mukombie fon yevamwe blaz yorira, ndobva vakumbira kuti driver adzikise volume...kombie yese vanhu ziiii. Blaz: Private number....Hallooo????, eish!!! "handisikunzwa chinhu",(ndobva aisa fon paloud speaker). Caller: (Shouts) "Ndati Wadyirei polony yemwana?"

Mukoma Joe vakazvinhongerazvavo bhebhi kubhawa ndokunanga kumba . vasvika bhebhi rakabvunza zvikanzi "unonwa here Joe " blaz vakati vanotonwa heavy. vaviri vakanakidzwa usiku hwese pasina protection.
Kwaedza, mukoma vakaona bhebhi ravakunwa maARV vakati "bhebhi haudaro sei usina kutaura kuti uri positive?" bhebhi "inga joe ndakabvunza wani nezuro kuti unonwa here ukati unonwa"

Vagari vemu Harare vakamira so:
MBAVHA - Mbare
ZVIGURE -Mabvuku
MAHURE -Chitungwiza
MAPOSITORI -Epworth
N'ANGA -Mufakose
MASOJA -Dzivarasekwa
MANINJA -Kambuzuma
MABOORANGOMA - Glen Norah
MaSALAD - Avondale
GUD GUYZ - Budiriro
MaSEWAGE - Glen View
MaBabe AKANAKA- Waterfalls
MaBHARANZI - Warren Park.
MaFISH-BONGA - Kuwadzana
TYPHOID - Hatcliffe
MaWAR-VET - Malbereign.
MADOFO - Zimre/Ruwa
maZHING-ZHONG -Borrodale
MaHUSTLER - Ximex Mall
MaHWINDI - Highfield
MAPENZI - Braeside
ZVIPOKO - Tafara
AIDS - Avenues!
VAROYI - Tafara
CHOLERA- Mabvuku
NHAMO YAKAPETWA KATATU - Matapi
VASINGAGEZE - Arcadia
VANA SIYA YECOK- Chikurubi ne Morris Depot
MANOSE - Greencroft
MAKUHWA - KwaMachipisa
VANOZVIDA IVO VARI MURUKISHENI - Glen Norah
NZARA- Rugare
MAROVHA- Braeside
ZVIDHAKWA- National
VEGWAZH - MT Pleasant/ UZ
VEKUMUSHA. - Charlotte Brooke/ Crowhill
BILHAZIA - Sunningdale/Mukuvisi
MACROOK - Kamfinsa
ZVIDHAFU - Eastlea
Kwako ndekupi kana