Find by tag

zvichaita kuti ndimuke chipoko

Mukazoona ndomuka chipoko_zvimwe zvacho ndeizvi
1.Kundiisa paprof pic ndafa
2.Kuchera guva zvakanyanya kudzika
3.Kuimba mchiita knge mktonakidzwa nekufa kwangu
4.Kudya rice parufu
5.Kuuya nemazifoni enyu muchindipikicha,ndipikichei izvezvi
6.Kuisa guva rangu kumapeto
7.Kunditi "famba zvkanaka"kuendepi?
8.Kusanamatira kt ndimuke
9.Kundidongorera paboard viewing uri kure
10.Kungoseka seka panhamo yangu 

muzukuru nhubu

Jonso anotora phone yambuya oisa pasilent. Mbuya vanonetseka kuti ko hindava phone isiku ringer pairikufonerwa heyo conversation:

Mbuya: Jonhii sei foni yangu isingarire ikafonerwa waaiitei? 
Jonso: Hapana zvandaita ini unzai tione. (Jonso anotora phone onyepera kutarisa) Aaah gogo yapera maringtone saka anoda kutotengerwa manewone. 
Mbuya: Aaaah hezvo ko zvazvinonetsazve zvechirungu zvacho nezuro waiti yapera mapliz call ndikakupa $8 ukanotenga saka izvi zvoda marii zvimaring zvacho? 
Jonso: (Yakamanga maserious) Aaah zvagogo vasikana ndipei $15 ndonegotiator nevanotengesa vacho. (Mbuya ndiye wetsu ka$15)

Ndebele surnames...

Caller: Hello may I please speak to Mr Ndlovu?
Receptionist: Sorry he is in a meeting with Mr Ngulube.
Caller: Who else can I speak with about a quotation?
Receptionist: Either Mr Nyoni, who is standing in for Mr Dube, or Mr Ngwenya.
Caller: Thank you. Please connect me to either one of them. By the way, who am I speaking to?
Receptionist: Miss Nkomo.
Caller: Hey, is that company or a zoo? .

To those abazi isiNdebele
We are having idili at home and we been waiting for our father as an elder to come and lead the proceedings, unfortunately his leave wasn't granted and he sent us a letter that read
"Angisakwazanga ukuza ngoba umsebenzi umningi lapha efemini ngalokho amaboss athi ngeke ngikwazi ukuza lapho ekhaya, umfowethu omncane akathathe indawo yami umsebenzi wenziwe, inkomo ingahlatshwa"
Now we are all wondering ingabe uthi inkomo ingahlatshwa kumbe uthi inkomo ingahlatshwa uthini kahlekahle umdala sizani zihlobo kuyaphuthuma umsebenzi umile ngendaba yenkomo,  ingahlatshwa kumbe ingahlatshwa?

kuvanda munhu wechikwereti

Ndini uyo ndiri paden nevana vangu ndakaona munhu we chikwereti achiuya asi kuti nditize zvanga  zvisingaiti. Ndakabva ndazvikwidibira nezi dish!!. 
Munhu we chikwereti akabvunza baba varipo here ZVIKANZI HAVAPO, zvikanzi kana vauya muvaudze kuti ndatora dish. 

masasi ekupenga - shura mukombi

Shura raitwa mukombi nhasi. Chisikana kubvisa bra.. chikomana kuto bata bata mazamhu ndokutotanga kuyamwa zamhu kombi yakazara nevanhu paya.  Chisikana 25 years .. chikomana 3 months.. mangamatii

masasi ekupenga - kuzora zvekutsvukisa

BREAKING NEWS:

We are going to conduct Operation restore original skin as from 01-01-18. Real yellow borns are safe but we are targeting criminals around them especially vaya vanotsvuka vakura

masasi ekupenga - alarm

Wakambopa mukadzi phone, otsvaga oshaya mhosva. After 30mins, obva ati: "alarm iyi makaiisa muchida kuenda kupi?"

Kuwudzana mashoko erudo

Madzimai EkuChurch Paruwadzano..

Pastor: Makapedzisira riini kuudza varume venyu kuti "ndinokuda"
Madzmai: Nezuro b4 bed, nhasi kuseni ndaakubuda, manheru, haa daily etc.
Pastor: Shuwa shuwa here madzmai?
Madzimai: Shuwa pamberi paMwari!!!!
Pastor: Ok.Torai mafon enyu.Mumwe nemumwe ngaasende msge yekuti "Ndinokuda" kumurume wake.

Vese vakasender.

Pastor: Chichinjanai mafon enyu makagarisana kudaro.Vese vakachinjana.
Pastor: Mumwe nemumwe achaverenga mhinduro ichauya pafon yaainayo iyoyo ngatitererei tichinzwa.
Mhinduro dzakatanga kunaya kubva kuvarume vemadzimai eruwadzano. Imi woye:

  1. Asi warasika ??
  2. Aaa ndiyani wangu uyu??
  3. Aa muri kurota here??
  4. Zvaitasei??
  5. What do u mean??
  6. Asi urikuda mari??
  7. Usade kundinzwa wanzwa!'
  8. Asi waroveresa mota yangu kanhi ?
  9. To hell wanzwa!!
  10. Ndiwo majokes andisingadeee!!
  11. Mesge ngaidzokere kumuridzi wayo iyo!!
  12. Uchafa nekurohwa nhasi, pfambi yemunhu, uchandiudza hako manheru kuti message iyo ndeyani?
Garai muchiudzana mashoko erudo veduweee .

mudzimai simbe asi shasha pane zvimwe

Ukaroora mukadzi wako ane usimbe  asi ari shasha pabonde, hama dzinoedza kupopota dzichikuudza zveusimbe hwake. Vamwe vanoti murambe, vamwe vanoti chino nechino asi iwe kuti uvaudze kuti ishasha pabonde zvinogumira parurimi. Unoguma wongoti " kungoti chete hamumuzivi!"

chikafu chemu hotera

Woenda Holiday Inn woona menu yakanzi:
Salted white corn, rare jucy beans, garnished with rift potatoes & topped with organic unprocessed guacamole! - Price : $52,
'Wobva wa Order! Wobva waunzirwa, manhuchu ane nyemba, kotapeya nekambambaira paside ...

# Apo ndopaunatanga kuziwa kuti teacher we English akanga asiri munhu wekutamba naye.

masasi ekupenga - passport

Unonzwa munhu achiimba muchechi kuti "Baba nditumei nyika dzose", apa haana kana passport. 
Haisi miyedzo here iyoyo?

Mugabe akatomirirawo mbeu

hanzi Ku Gokwe vakatomirira chibage chembeu kubva kuna Mugabe kuti vatange kurima, havasi kuziva kuti kana iye Mugabe akatonyoresa rake zita kuti apiwewo chemachembere

mbiri inongofamba kanai waita zvakashata

Pagrade 7 ndakabuda ne 4 units mbiri haina kufamba 
Form 4 ndakabuda ne 9a's hainazve kufamba 
A level kudoita 15 points kana 1 akataura nezvazvo 
Kutororwawo kuchata mbiri kana kufamba 

Nhasi ndarara muchurch kwakusura mbiri ndopoyo famba zvirikungonzi hona momz vekusura vaye

Kisimusi kana munhu akachona

Kana uchida kuona kuti munhu haana marii, taura nezvechristmass uone ,unonzwa oti Haaa Christmas yamazuvano haichashamisiri ,yangofanana nemazuva ose Kkkkk 

Wobbva watoziya kuti MUNHU UYU HAANA CASH

Get nyambo in your inbox!