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Wasu vapererwa neye mhamba

Vamwe Samanyika vati vapererwa ngemari yemhamba vakazunza mabhurukwa
ose neamwe akasopedzisirwa kupfeka. Vakazunza zvekunge vachadimbuka
chuno nekubhowekana vakatanga kunamata kuna mwari vochoti:
 
"Mwari imwimwi mune favour Inga wani:
  • Abraham musharukwa zvake akakumbira mupwere imwi mukamupa. 
  • Uyu Jonah wakaitwa swallow ngeshark asi imi mukamuita vomit. 
  • Daniel akakandwa mugomba remalions asi imwi mukadziitisa noappetite. 
  • Kuzoti ari Eria kubvira mwaita wekuendesa kuheaven ngerocket.
Asi inini ndiri kundoda pondo basi yekuotenga mhamba imwi mwochondinyima . 
DIKO MWARI MWUNEFAVOUR"

Wasu nema monkey

Kwanzi Wasu akange achipfuura nekuWarren Hills ndobva aona tsoko. Akabva asangana nemumwe wake kwakuchimu  explanera manje.
Kwanzi "ndapfuura ngepaWarren Hills kwakuchiona tumamonkey ndobva ndatufrightener ndobva twastater kungoclimber climber mabranches"

Jumping yaa impossible

Kwanzi wasu akange aona moto nematsola kwakuchioise fenzi iri 5 fit high kuti jumping iite impossible.

mota ino manya kudarika benz

Wasu akabvunzwa nasahwira kuti. Shaa ndiri kuda kutenga mota inomhanya kupfuura benz asi ndine mari shoma. zvikanzi nawasu usashupika mwana wamai indotenge kamuparutsa(pulsar) wokapende ( paint) green kanobva karumbe kadarike benz.

Wasu nema nose (ma saladi)

Kwanzi wasu akaona ngwete nemanose achiticha pagirls High.Saka akanyora panoti DOING paBoard ndokuti kuvana itai kuti DOINGII.Zvino manose ndokuti doing. Wasu ndokuti itai doingi ngi azwike,emphasizai ngi basi azwike

Mari yaWasu yaramba kukwana

Kwanzi samanyika vakabve kumusha vechiende Harare. Asvike Harareyo akakwira katekisi ka R2 kuchozoenda kuMbare manje. Ati fambei samanyika akati kuna driver.

Ko yaa marii , iye akati 12 dollars . paakadaro ango ochindosvika parobhoti , robhoti richibva
rachinjokuita red manje. Saka driver akamisa motika achibva aisa mota mugiya ( giya rinoitwa zvekukakata riye)apa samanyika vachingoona. 

Samanyika vakati 'Iyavozve Musharukwa unozvomore ndonga kuti ndarambokubhadhara here, inga wani ndangubvunzokuti ndiziye badzi?'

Wasu kuBorrowdale

Wakomana wasu akaoma, nezuro I paid him a visit kumansion kwake kuBorrowdale, achibva ati ngatimboite drive around, takaende kuBon Marche, ndokuzadze trolly ngegrocery wasu kwakuchionyore katsamba, kwazi ndini wasu ndapfuura ngemuno achibve aise signature, techiobuda imomo kwaakuenda kuJameson hotera ndokudye masitondodo kusvika tazvimbirwa, wasu kwaakunyore katsamba kuti ndini ndadye mapfidjongwi nefriend yangu, kwaakubude muya, tasvika pajunction pane madisco lights mota dzese kwaakumire zvikanzi wasu pfuura,imi anhuwe, takazopedzisira ngepaZimbank wasu kwakuburitse chitupa ndokupfekera pamadziro, pachibva pabude mazimari.

Wasu va chidya mari

Vakomana paweekend takadye mari, takabve muHarare ndokusvika paMarondera kwakuspende fifte, kwakusvika paHeadleands kwakuspende fifte futi, tichibva tamboite rest paChristmas pass kwakuspende fifte, tasvika maMutare kuti tiproceede kuende bocha kwakuspende fifte, tichangobude maMutare kwakumire pane imwe township kwakuspende fifte fiuti, tikati arume ngatimbocalculator finance yataspenda wanike iya!!!, inga tadya mari total expenditure yanga iri $2,50.

Wasu vavhi describer house

Mumwe wasu achiita describe 3 bedroomed house ine inside toilet yakanga
yavakwa nemwana wake. "Akavaka umba ine dzimba dzokurara nhatu nekaumba
kemadhoti mukatiyo."

Wasu mu zamanishoni

Zvanzi wasu dzakanga dzechionyore zama pa Mount Pleasant Upper-top. Mubvunzo kwakootanga ngekuti, 'Compare and contrast...'

Invigilator wakasvika pana Wasu dziripakati pekudzvokora answer sheet reangaari panext padzo.

Invigilator : ko Wasu muri kuitei?
Samaz : ndiri kuCompare.
Invigilator : maCompare mozo dini?
Samaz : ndo adjusta answer yangu

Wasu weku Cresta Engineering

Ana Wasu vakange vakagara pabottle store vachikurukura nyaya dzekumabasa kuHarare. Vekutanga vakati mazuva iwayo vakange vava kushanda kuCresta Jameson. Vechipiri vakati vakanga vachishanda ku Sheraton. Vechitatu vaishanda ku Cresta Lodge Vamwe vaviri vakanga vari Bulawayo Holiday Inn kudhuze neUBH.

Mumwewo mukomana akati akanga achishanda kuCresta Engineering. Akasekwa nevamwe kuita kunge achachema, vaiti ivo kana munhu usingashandi usanyeba. Akambenge anzwa kupi hotel yainzi Cresta Engineering.

Wasu ku mapurisa

Wasu vakanga vari pacourt ndokusangana nahomeboy  kwaakuchiexplaina .Zvikanzi:
"Ndauya kuno nge case ngekuti mwana wakaitwa sex ngebhinya'

Apa vaitaura mudon akange arepewa

Ndini wasu ndatenga

Umwe WAsu akatorwa nemwana wake nemota vakanange Harare.  Zvino Wasu aiobserva zvaiitwa neson yake .Son yake yaidriva ichibhita mared robot. Vakati vasvika
paBank vakasvika bank richivharwa son ichibva yatora mari paATM. Vakazoti voenda 
kunotenga grocery mari ichibva yarambe kuite enough. Son yakobva yasaine check.

Wasu akati odzokere kumusha akati oudze wife feedback achiti " Mai, Wasu abudirire. Takati tosvike Harare marobot aiite Red dzimwe mota dzichimira kuiitira kuti Wasu adarike. Tazoti tasvike mubank, bank richibve ravharwa ndobva Wasu apiwe mari nepahwindo. Tazoti taende kunotenga grocery, mari ndokurambe kuite enough zvikanzi naWasu hazvinetse, ndokunyore tsamba kuna manager kuti ndini Wasu ndatenga."

Different view on VaPositori vs Police

After the war between vapositori and zrp, the following people were asked to give their views and comments, and below is what they said:

Tiri parwendo actor: Mapurisa akashagadwa akashagadika semashakada akabikwa akashisha

Mai Chisamba: Vadiwa vatariri, ngatizeyei nyaya iyi zvakazara. Ko chiiko chinorwadza kudarika chimwe, tsvimbo yemupurisa (butterstick) kana kuti tsvimbo yemupositori? Touya kwamuri baba chiringazuva chedu chisati chakwata.


Papa Ubert: In the prophetic realm, I prophecy that what the vapositori did is a clear indication of lack of anointing and spiritual powers. Physical battles are not for the church. If it was my church, the congregates would just shout "Major Major!" and all the officers would shake and fall with the high anointing.

Zviri kumbofamba sei: Unotoona kuti mapurisa akatosvika pamasowe vakapfeka bhutsu uku vasina kukwinyira matrouser, apa vakatopfeka hat dzavo. Wotonzwa mapurisa ototi aa, hatidi ma child marriages kumapositori ekumasowe echishanu asi vachisiya vekwamarange. Vaya votoona kuti aa, ko tisu tega here? Bhaibheri rinoti pfekai nhumbi dzokurwa nadzo kureva kuchenesa hana yako, asi unotoona kuti vapositori vanofunga kuti magemenzi netsvimbo ndonhumbi dzacho. Wotoona mapurisa otorohwa nevapositori netsvimbo asi ivo vaine pfuti, vototiza madzimai ototi yeeeeeeee, wotoshaiwa kuti aa, ko zvinhu zvacho zviri kumbofamba sei.

Milton Chitsime: Vapositori vakanga vakaungana kuti bhomere mere seura hwesiriri pakereke paBudiriro apa, mapurisa ndokuti svikiti. Yakaparurwa nyaya, ndokunzi mudariro tsve. "Regai tsika yekuroora vana vadiki," akadaro umwe mupurisa. Kunzwa izvi vana madzibaba ndokuti tuu kutsamwa, zenze tuku nehasha. Pasina chinguva, tsvimbo kumupurisa, imwe kuna muzvina kamera. Imiwe, pakarohwa munhu pamasowe. Mupurisa akanzi netsvimbo kumusana ga, tatara tatara ndiye pasi nyonde. Umwe mupurisa akati kuna madzibaba tsvimbo zete, madzibaba pasi pi, gemenzi peku ndiye zii vakadaro. Tototenda kuti vaiva netirauzi mukati. Dai zvisizvo, paya pakati gemenzi peku, hameno. Uone madzimai uko kukuza, "Rovai madusvura iwawo." Imika! Chokwadi vakafa havana chavakaona, uye kutaurirwa hunyimwa sembare dzekumusana, saka zvaitoda kuzvionera pamhino sefodya. Yakaita mbona mbona kutsvaga chikiti chitema murima!

Sociologist: The propounders of deindividualization phenomina have already foreseen this deviant event. Because the apostolic sect members were so many, each of them lost a sense of identity, followed by untold beatings to the police. Well, taking from Haralambos et al, the theory of functionalism has been witnessed for the market of carpenters is going to boost as they will be making new tsvimbos for all madzibaba and madzimai. From a sociological perspective, the social animals, which in this regard are the police and vapositori, and ongologically speaking from an epistemological paradigm, have begun an era of war

Hwindi: Haa zvedu zvabhadhara vakomana. Mapurisa aigara akatisona, manje ikozvino ava kumapositori. Eee, maiguru muri kuenda here? Tsviyoo. Makoni nepakati.

Vharazipi: Singing *zvamutsana mutsana, madzibaba na officer, zvamutsana mutsana...* bvisa madzibwa iwe! Kusati "Rufaro kwamuri" kunorovesa netsvimbo. Kusabvisa shangu pamasowe kunorovesa. Kusabvisa hat, kunorovesa. Ndakakuudzai VaMayaya kuti Mudhogo wakazviedza izvi, haikona kuzvidza masowe.

Tsvangirayi: The police had helmets, handcuffs, butter sticks and pistols. So it cant be possible that the vapositori defeated them with only tsvimbo yemasowe. They rigged. I therefore declare this story null and void. I wont allow such rigging in 2018.

Dancehall artists: Popopopopo. Makarova officer. Makarova officer. Saka ndiyo reason, yamuri kupindira muprison. Levels! Tiri kurova tiri kurova. Tiri  kurova tiri kurova. Tiri kurova netsvimbo vamwe vari kurova nema buttersticks. Vegodo voti mapositori haana kana dhiri awa, nanana, asi isu tiri kutomhanyisa madinga netsvimbo, hmmmmm hmm.

Wasu: Ini panyaya iyi ndinoita see kuti mapurisa havana kunyatsoite introduce nyaya yavo kuna madzibaba Ishamaeri. Izvi zvakazoita kuti porisi iitwe bash netsvimbo. Hongu mapositori ari wrong pakuite marry vana vadiki uye kusavaendese kuschool. Asi iyo porisi yaifanira kutange yaite remove shangu dzavo nema helmets vobva vozoite address nemapositori. Asi ndinoti sando kumapositori nekuti vakaita defeat porisi netsvimbo chete. Asi manje porisi ichaite revenge and hameno vana madzibaba vakaponaba. 

City Council: We have now found a solution to the city kombi operators. They have outweighed both our officer and those from zrp regardless of the fact that our police is armed with butter sticks. Now we are replacing our officers with vapositori and phase out butter sticks and employ tvimbo dzekumasowe. With this strategy in place, the traffic jam and confusion that is caused by kombi operators will be put to an end.

Makwikwi ekumwa doro - Bocha vs Buhera

Veku Bocha nevekuBuhera vakawirirana kuti vaite makwikwi ekumwa doro.Mazuva emakwikwi ave kusvika vekuBocha vakatuma munhu kuenda kuBuhera kuti anonzwa kuti vekuBuhera vaive vagadzirira here.
Wasu akasvika akabvunza zvikanzi nevekuBuhera tava ready tatomirira zuva iroro. Asati aenda Wasu akapihwa sadza ndokudya. Apedza kudya sadza akaisirwa 25 litres yemasese ndokubva aimwa yese kuipedza. VekuBuhera vakashamisika kuti kune munhu anopedza 25 litres yehwahwa ega. Vakabvunza Wasu kuti: "ko nhai Wasu muchange murikukwikwidzawo here mumakwikwi ari kuuya aya"
Wasu akati:" kwete ini ndakadyirwa kumaprimary ekwedu"

miracle sex ya wasu

Wasu in court -
Judge:  "Imi wasu mukupiwa mhosva yekushandisa mubobobo paCopa Cabana munotii nazvo? "
Wasu: "Pakaitwe miracle money vanhu vakaite happy pakazoitwe miracle baby ndokubva vaite jubilate asi ini pandangoite miracle sex ndabva ndaitwe arrest why???"

Wasu wachiita complain kuna God

WASU ACHINAMATA:

Mwari imwimwi diko mune favour.
Ingawani Abraham musharukwa hake akakumbira mupwere imwimwi mukamupa.
Uyuwo onini Jonah wakaitwe swallow ngeshark,digestive system ikaite malfunction kwakuite vomit.
Mukoma Dan akaitwa throw mugomba remahungry lions,imwimwi mukadziite lose appetite.
Iye Moses hatimboreketi bah,akanera mvura ngendonga ichibva yaita separate nepamiddle kuzoti ari Elijah haaaaaaa, kubva mwaite wekusenda kuheaven ngerocket.
Asi inini hangu wasu ndiri kuda pondo basi yekunera Zed imwimwi mwakundiite deny. 

Ngenyi Mwari muchidaro.

Wasu mumazuvano ekushusha kwemagetsi

Nenyaya yekunetsa kwemagetsi iyi, manje manje kumakomoyo (kwana wasu) kuchatanga kuita vana vanemazita akafanana neawa:
1. Darkness Phiri
2. Blackout Tembo
3. Pitch-black Mwanza
4. Matches Banda
5. Candle Ngoma
6. Generator Mbewe
7. Paraffine Soko
8. kilowatt phiri
9. Gasstove Tembo
10. Kariba Dam mkandawire
11. Low water Zulu
12. Bulb Daka
13. Energy Saving phiri
14. Low Voltage Sakala
15. Switch Tembo
16. Off Zimba
17. On Mbewe
18. Malasha Lungu
19. Mbaula Phiri
20. Lamp zulu

Wasu - fodya mubhazi

Wasu vakabatidza fodya yavo mubhazi ndobva zvanzi nevamwe mai, "Argh imi mukwasha madii kuburitsa musoro nepahwindomatikwadza nehutsi," zvikanzi naWasu, "Aiwa, tibvirei apo, imwi mwabve kwese iyo mweisura pane amboti budisai matako enyu ngepa windo ere?"

Wasu - Wachi diskasa football

Mwatambiro andaite bhora ndiri mukomana kana ku world cup ndaisvika ndikazwa nekurumwa ndi Suarez!
Wakazwa ere zvendakaite maMutare paSakubva stadium gore riya Sahwi? Ndakati ndechoo dribbule ball forward ndichinzvenge madefenders kwakubva ndaitwe brought down near the 18 area referee achibva a blowe whistle kwakuti awarde free kick.
Ndakasete ball kwakubva ndatomuka tomuka ndichiteste humidity, ndechoo gwinhe gwinhe leg rangu backwards kuteste strength. Kwakuite release the shot chubhu yechibva yaite goaaaaaal! Skin kwakuite sky high mafans kwakutange ku ganzirana ganzirana paya referee achibva amedze pito nge surprise!!!

Wasu wabatwe nge confusion

Wasu aibva kwamtre ari mubhazi, inini ndakagara kuwindow wasu vari nechekupassage vakabata zinhanga mumaoko. Bhazi rati fambei fambei wasu hope dzakabata vachipota vachida kudonha ini ndokunzwa tsitsi ndokuvati huyai mugare nechekuwindow ndokubatirai nhanga renyu. Takachinjana asi handina kuziva kuti zvataiita izvi wasu vanga vari kuhope vaingobvuma. Patakazoti tave muRuwa wasu ndipo pavakazoti pepu vakaona vakagara kuwindow ini ndakabata nhanga zvikavanetsa,inzwa mubvunzo wavazondibvunza.
WASU: Excuse me amuna wee, ndavisitirwa ngeconfusion ndingabvunzawo ere?. 
ININI: Bvunzai zvenyu.
WASU: Handisi kuziwa kuti imwimwi ndimwi inini ere kana kuti inini ndini imwimwi?

Wasu vachi verenga nhau dzeChiShona

WASU varambidzwa kuverenga nhau dzeShona paZBC mushure mezvizvi:
Hedzinoi ndaa dzichierengwa ndiMutape wekwaonini, wekwaZimunya; Harare: Mukuru anolidhe bato ririkuite looting namasi aite kuti anhu anerwe nge police apenoo tazwa kuti mapurisa apedze mvura yose nge ma teargas ose achiti hambai. Apa izwa Zita rebato hazi NERA. Anhu angoite mavhu nerubbish kuwanda kuzoringise looting yacho. Amwe arume waingoite drive left hand motikari apinde patight ngemapurisa paroadblock apo mupurisa paamise motikari avhunze munhu on the right side kuti aproduse driver's licence. Mupurisa adye rasha paaite see kuti driver haasiye ari kuleft, akavati vaifunge kuti akapusa so ngavaite return steering kuright side. Amwe asikana azoitwe arrested kuNSS aite sing Bvuma Wachembera mustadium muchiitwe inaguration yemukuru wenyika. Mapurisa ati kufarisa kwakadai has never happened before.....

Wasu - baby powder mubhazi

Wasu vaiva mu  bus, vakaona  ambuya  vachiisa  baby powder pakamwana kamusikana, kwabva  vakapfekedza nappy .
Wasu: ndosaka vakadzi vachibviro naka, vanoiswa sugar from tender age!!!

Wasu: Danga rehwai

Kwaya master akanzwa discord mukwaya yake vachimba kambo 'Danga rehwai'. Ndobva ada kutsvaka chikonzero. Akati vaimbi vaite mapoka nenzvimbo dzavanobva. 

MAZEZURU : Danga rehwai dangarehwai imwe yacho yarasika-a-a! 
MASVINGO (Wezhira) : Danga regwai danga regwai rimwe racho rarashika-a-a !  
KOREKORE : Danga rlohwai danga rlohwai  rlimwe rlacho rlatayeka-a-a !  Munofunga wasu akaimba achitivo kudii ? 
WASU: Mukraal resheep kraal resheep imweni yaitelost ,mukraal reshe-e-e-p !

wasu - danga rehwai

Kwaya master akanzwa discord mukwaya yake vachimba kambo 'Danga rehwai'. Ndobva ada kutsvaka chikonzero. Akati vaimbi vaite mapoka nenzvimbo dzavanobva. 

MAZEZURU : Danga rehwai dangarehwai imwe yacho yarasika-a-a! 
MASVINGO (Wezhira) : Danga regwai danga regwai rimwe racho rarashika-a-a !  
KOREKORE : Danga rlohwai danga rlohwai  rlimwe rlacho rlatayeka-a-a !  Munofunga wasu akaimba achitivo kudii ? 
WASU: Mukraal resheep kraal resheep imweni yaitelost ,mukraal reshe-e-e-p !