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Blaz asinga tendi

Hanzi panga pane boyz dzairova hadzo lager paweekend so mumwe mufellow wavo aingonwiswa iye anga asina chibhanzi. Vakabvira Friday kunwa kusvika Sunday monazi,so they decided kuti vanosiya muface kuden kwake,apo muface asingagone kana kumira. Boyz dzakaburuka naye ndobva asiyiwa muden,muface ndobva adaidzira kuti "boyz muri rough muri kundiscratcher"

Light rino pfuta rega

Mumwe muface aiwanzosvika paden akavharwa nekwibu (gas) every day, saka aiti
pese paaibuda achivhaya kutoyazi light raibva rangobaka rega, saka izvi
zkakaitika kwemazuva achibva ati regai ndimbosasa magen'a epaden, achibva aona
vanhu vatoshatitrwa zvikanzi,"saka ndiwe urikuitira weti mufridge nhai?"

Makwikwi ekumwa doro - Bocha vs Buhera

Veku Bocha nevekuBuhera vakawirirana kuti vaite makwikwi ekumwa doro.Mazuva emakwikwi ave kusvika vekuBocha vakatuma munhu kuenda kuBuhera kuti anonzwa kuti vekuBuhera vaive vagadzirira here.
Wasu akasvika akabvunza zvikanzi nevekuBuhera tava ready tatomirira zuva iroro. Asati aenda Wasu akapihwa sadza ndokudya. Apedza kudya sadza akaisirwa 25 litres yemasese ndokubva aimwa yese kuipedza. VekuBuhera vakashamisika kuti kune munhu anopedza 25 litres yehwahwa ega. Vakabvunza Wasu kuti: "ko nhai Wasu muchange murikukwikwidzawo here mumakwikwi ari kuuya aya"
Wasu akati:" kwete ini ndakadyirwa kumaprimary ekwedu"

iwe bata imba

Chidhakwa chabva kubhawa chasvika pamba pacho chirikutadza kupinza key kuti chivhure door nekubvunda nedoro ,neighbour comes, "let me unlock the door for you",and chidhakwa replies "Dnt trouble yoself iwe bata imba chete kuti isa sheka sheka".

Pakuroorana pane zvinoregedzwa

Gal: Tiikaroorana unofanira kuregedza fodya
Boy : Horaiti
Gal : nedoro
Boy : iri bho.
Gal : hapasisina zvekuenda ku Down Town , kana kuBowls Club, ku eclipse toenda tese kana uchienda.
Boy : zviri munzeve
Gal : wosiyana nenyaya yekunoona bhora nemaface ako totsvaga Dstv redu bhora roonerwa mumba.
Boy: ka1
Gal : hapana chimwe chandasiya here? Chii chimwe chaunoda kurega?  Boy: ndoda kurega ukuroora!

Chinoz - Zino for beer

Reporter: Nhai vachinoz munotii nenya ye xenophobia irikuitwa ku South Africa?
Chinoz: Okay nyaya ye zino for beer hainetse ini ndinongoti vharai mabhawa arikutengesa zino for beer mosiya atajaira anoda cash for beer

Kunaka kwedoro

Pastor vachitsanangura zvidhakwa kuipa kwakaita doro nekunaka kwakaita Fanta, vakatora maworms maviri one ndokukanda mufanta then the other one mubeer .After a short while they checked and discovered that the one in the beer was dead and the one in Fanta was still alive.Then pastor asked"madzidzei apa"?One drankard answered"tadzidza kuti vanhu vanonwa doro havana maworms mudumbu".                  

Mfundisi abvunzwa nzira yeku posvo

Mufundisi akabvunza chidhakwa nzira yeku Post Office. 
Aratidzwa nzira akatenda chaizvo mufundisi akati kuchidhakwa: "waitabasa wozouyawo kuchurch ndokuratidza nzira yekudenga ".
Chidhakwa chakadzedzereka chichiseka, chikati: "wozoziva yekudenga iwe wambotadza yekuPost Office?"

Ndezve kubhawa zviya

Is this good??I visited ma doctor and he gave me some treatment and medicines .he also advised me to stop drinking beer. later in the evening I went to the bar and bought myself a fanta drink.while I was drinking I saw ma doctor drinking beer and he came to me and said""ko hauchamwa beer why?oo mari iyi piwa koti""and I said""doctor makanganwa here kuti ndini wamati  chimbomira zvehwa
hwa”"and he said"""aaah iwe! ndezvekubasa zviya kuno kubhawa ngatnwei"kwakutenga beer kwakunwa..the next day I wasn't feeling well so I had to go back to ma doctor!"""doctor ndarwara!"" I said to him""""ko chiii futi“"" he asked"doro riya ramakati ndinwe nezuro"and he answdered""""aaah ungateedzera zvekubhawa iwe  uchirwara?ndezvekubhawa zviya!unofa ukazviteedzera!""ndakaita weak!

Heat Wave ku Kariba haizotishayisi doro?

Whilst vamwe vese muri worried nekudyiwa kweChelsea, Ini I am equally worried nekupera kwemvura muKariba. 
Fear yangu ndeyekuti mvura iyi haizoperi here zvekuti Delta inozoshaya mvura yekubikisa doro.

Rufu rwaComrade Castle

Va Pilsner mutauri mukuru we National Breweries vanokuzivisai nezverufu comrade Castle,comrade Castle vanofungidzirwa kuti vakadhonha kubva pa hwaro hwechitatu hwe deep freezer uko vainge vashanyira shamwari kadzi yavo Black label.

Vanwi vose muri kukokwa kuzoviga gamba iri kumarinda eBohlingers cemetery ne mugovera, mutumbi wa comrade Castle uchatakurwa mangwanani emusi we svondo uchiendwa nawo ku CHIBUKU chapel uko comrade Barrameda vachapa mashoko ekukumikidza mushakabvu comrade castle.

Mutumbi wa comrade Castle uchazotakurwa munguva dze tatu uchiendwa nawo ku Dry Boots cemetry uko uchanovigwa ne mauto uye doctor kachasu vachipa ruremekedzo rwe gamba.Comrade castle vasiya mudzimai Eagle lager nevana vaviri Chateu na Amarula

Ndakadya guru

Yekudhakwa yakaoma! Mumwe mukomana akatenga guru ndokurisiya kumba nekuti magetsi ayenda. Akadzokera kubhawa ndokuzofunga kunobika pakadzoka magetsi, asi light rakabva ratsva. 
Apinda mumba akabatabata pa table ndokutora guru rake ndokucheka cheka ndokuisa mupoto. Akaisa ma onion nemadomasi kuti zvinyatsoibva zvose. 
Chakamunetsa ndechekuti rakaramba kuibva kusvikira apakura rimwe ndokudya zvakadaro achiti iguru rebhuru rachembera. 
Ava mangwnani, akashanyirwa ne musikana wake iye asati amuka ndokuudza musikana kuti abike kasadza ke bhabharasi nekuti akasiya usavi manheru.
Musikana apedza kubika sadza, ndokuisa kapoto keusavi pastove. Paakavhura poto wanei mapisi 7 e towel rokugezesa zvakanyatsosangana nemadomasi. Musikana ndokubvunza mukomana, "wakadya nei mamheru", zvikanzi neguru. Mukomana akazoti ava kundoogeza, wanei guru riri mu shower rakatocheneruka sipo.

Kudhakwa chaiko

Kana usati  wambodhakwa zvekuti unopinda mutoilet wogara paseat woedza kuisa seat belt ...haaaa hausati waapedyo nekurega doro saka iti ziiii zvidhakwa pazvinotaura

Munhu asingamwi doro idhongi

Mudzidzisi wakaisa mabuckets two, redoro neremvura. Akabva atinha dongi. Dongi rakasvika pabucket redoro ndokudarika, ndokuenda paneremvura ndokunwa.
Mudzidzisi akabva abvunza vana kuti vakanga vazidzei.
John: "Ini  ndadzidza kut wese asinganwi doro idhongi!"

Baba vamwa mushonga weshiri

Akawana murume wake akati rapata kurara pasi pemuti,kufema achifemera kurekure. Parutivi pake paine empty bhodhoro reEagle. Hoyo mukadzi mhere kwetsu, hanzi vanhuwee huyai mundionerewo murume wangu anwa mushonga weshiri!
Potai muchimwira kumba vakadzi vazive doro

Monya ichi flexa mamhasuru mu bhawa

Monya yakapinda mubhawa ikaona mupfana akabata quart ikasvikomubvutira ndobva yatanga kunwa. Yava pa half yakatarisa mupfana uya ikaona achichema ikati  urikuchemei. Zvikanzi nemupfana mukoma wangu munyama wangu wanyanya. Kuswera zuro ndakaedza kuzvisungirira tambo ikadambuka, nezuro ndakaenda ndikanogara kunjanji chitima hachina kuuya, nhasi ndoisa poison mudoro rangu imi monditorerawo futi aaaaaa zvandirwadza

ZINARA Easter Message

"Don't drink and drive this holiday please because nema potholes ariko aya unozorasa doro rako."

and then rako!

Masasi ekupenga - Kuipa kwe doro

Pane nyaya yandaverenga mumagazine yandibata zvisingaite pamusoro pezvakaipira doro kana nanhasi hana yangu ichiri kungorova zvekuti kubva nhasi ndasvipira mate pasi handife ndakabata chinhu chinonzi magazine futi!

Handibudi panze husiku

Mhofela ne shamwari yake vakanga vakagara pamoto vachimwa havo ngoto (7 days). Mbuya va Mhofela vakanga votsumwaira vari pamoto zvikanzi:
Mhofela: mbuya chiendai munorara muchawira mumoto.
Mbuya: Ndakamirira chi-5Litre changu chamuri kunwira doro. Ndochemba yangu handirari ndisinayo. Handidi zvekubuda buda panze husiku!!!!

Murora navamwene - anobvisa ndiyani

Muroora: Haloo mhamha 

Vamwene: Hes mwanangu varisei vamwe? 

Muroora : varinani havo, ndine mubvunzo mhamha.. 

Vamwene: sununguka mwanangu

Muroora : mwana akazviitira tsvina anofanira kubvisa ndiani? 

Vamwene : amai vacho ka ndovanobvisa mwanangu... Otoita mwoyo wekubereka. 

Muroora : maita basa mhamha, in this case mwana wenyu adhakwa abva azviitira tsvina saka mosvika nguwai kuzobvisa??

Chinoz - svomhu

Mwana: nhai baba 1+1chii
Chinoz: handizive
Mwana: ko 2+2
Chinoz: handizive
Mai: vanomboziveyiko baba vako daiwabvunza zvehwahwa
Mwana: 1scud+1scud
Chinoz: 2 mascuds ka
Mwana: 2 mascuds+2mascuds
Chinoz: 4 mascuds
Mwana: 4mascuds+2mascuds
Chinoz: ratova crate kkkkkkkkkkkkk

Imbwa ichizamiwa doro

Teacher vakaisa mvura nedoro in different dishes and took a dog. Imbwa yakabva yamwa mvura ikasiya doro then the teacher asked vana kuti vadzidzei . Tindo akabva ati ndadzidza kuti wese asingamwi doro imbwaaa

Muchinda wekumwa Lion, Castle ne Black Label

Mumwe barman aishamisika everyday maipinda blaz mubhawa otenga 3 pints, 1 Lion, 1 Castle ne 1 Black label ogara paTable ine three chairs onwa maPints aye one by one kana apedza obuda oenda.
Izvi zvainetsa barman kusvika abvunza kuti sei ainwa achidaro. Blaz vaya vakati takaita chitsidzo nemaBrothers angu maviri andainwa nawo vachashandira muno kuti patichapesana mumwe nemumwe wedu anofanira kutengera vamwe vake vasipo ovanwira, ivo ndizvo zvavaitoitawo kwavari.

One day blaz vaya vakapinda ndokutenga two pints chete reLion neCastle ndokunogara pasi vachibva vatanga kunwa. Barman zvakamunetsa ndokubvunza blaz vaya kuti asi pane akafa here sezvo vainge vangotenga two pints chete.
Zvikanzi naBlaz vaya "Aiwa hapana akafa. Asi kuti ini ndini ndakasiya doro."

Batsirai vekwa Jairos Jiri

Chimumumu chakapinda munight club chikarova zvacho beer uku chichi flasha flasha mazimari ,,ndokuzokecha hure,, chakanorara naro usiku hwese,,kuseni hure ravakuchida kuenda apa rava kutaura mari yokupenga, chimumumu ndokubudisa pepa rokwa Jairos Jiri rakanzi "PLEASE PROVIDE THIS PERSON WITH FREE SERVICES AND ENTERTAINMENT YOU NEVER KNOW TOMORROW IT COULD BE YOU"

Mabasa edoro

Baba:Nhai mai mwana,ko mutoilet maisa light re automatic?
Amai: nemhaka yei madaro baba?
Baba: ndikungomuka ndovhura door light roto lighter,ndovhara rodzima.
Amai: Nhai imi matanga futi system yenyu yekuwetera muFiriji kana madhakwa

Super Mandiwanzira

Unenge uchitengerwa tuma super kubhawa neboys apa wazvimbirwa waakudawo lager unoti chii?Unoti 'boys dzangu super mandiwanzira'???

Yeast muma hewu nema fetikuku

Mwana: Nhai Mhamha  maheu nedoro zvakasiyana chii?
Mama: maheu haaiswe yeast, doro rinoiswa yeast ndosaka richidhaka.
Mwana: kkkkkkkkkk 
Mama: urikusekei?
Mwana: saka pamunoisa yeast muma fetikuku paya ndosaka muchizopopota stereki nhai, munenge madhakwa!
Mama: pfutseki
Mwana: yeast iya yatanga futi

Bond Beer

Munyati wemabond notes unonetsa kuhwisisa! 
Kwahi shandisai mapepa, asi anenge akamiririra mari chaiyo, inenge yakachengetwa kubank. Kureva here kuti doro rikaita shoma kudelta vanogona kungoisa mvura mumabhotoro vovhara voti chimwai nekuti mvura iyoyo yakamiririra doro riri kudelta - bond beer?

Munhu asingamwi doro imbwa!

Teacher vaida kuratidza vana kuti doro rakaipa vakaisa doro munerimwe dish rimwe ndokuisa mvura vakatora imbwa kuti imwe imbwa yakasiya doro kwakumwa mvura, Teacher vakabvunza kuti madzidzei, vana vakati tadzidza kuti munhu asingamwi doro akangofanana nembwa

Rondedzero ine mazwi anodarika 120

Yemateacher yekuda kunetsa iyi. vana vanzi nyora rondedzero ine manzwi anodarika 120:

China 15 Ndira 2015

Zvandakaita pazororo


Pazororo reKisimusi ndakafara chose.Vana mukoma vangu vakati handei tinovhima.Takaona tsuro ndobva tatanga kudeedzera tichiti iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo  iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo  iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo  iyo iyo iyo  iyo  iyo iyo  iyo  iyo kusvika taishaiwa ndobva tadzokera kumba.

Svomhu (maths) dzemu bhawa

Honaiwo svomhu (maths) dzemubhawa:

Ma Lion Larger 76, less your age, plus 40 ma Pilsner  = gore rawakazvarwa

Driver iwe speed yako yakawandisa

Zvidhakwa 3 zvakakwira taxi zvakadhakwa heavy. Taxi driver akangostarter mota akabva adzima akati tasvika vasina kumbofamba Chidhakwa 1 chakaburuka chakatenda;chidhakwa 2 chakaburitsa mari chikabhadhara. Chechi 3 chakapa driver zimbama. Driver akafunga kuti raona zvaitika akabva abvunza kuti ko wandiroverei? Chidhakwa chikati speed yako yakawandisa, ko dai watiuraya

Doro raka rambwa nembwa

Unotonzwa munhu achiti andinwe doro, nekuti rakarambwa nembwa.Doro rakanyatsonyorwa kuti "Not for sale to persons under 18".Ndeipi imbwa yawakamboona ichisvitsa 18 yrs dzekuzvarwa saka ingagonwa doro sei iyo iri under age. Rega tihudzase isu Festive season iyi vamwe vakamirira kuti imbwa dzisvitse 18 yrs dzigotanga kunwa.

Enda unodzosera kwawaka muwana

Zvakaoma sokunzi nevabereki mukadzi wako hatimudi ,enda unomudzosera kwawakamuwana.Apa iwe uchiziva kuti Bhawa racho rakavharwa yatove Supermarket.

Muchengeti wenyama nedoro parufu

If yu think money is the only thing that changes step yemunhu then hamusati maona munhu ane key dzepanogara nyama nedoro parufu

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