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Wasu va chidya mari

Vakomana paweekend takadye mari, takabve muHarare ndokusvika paMarondera kwakuspende fifte, kwakusvika paHeadleands kwakuspende fifte futi, tichibva tamboite rest paChristmas pass kwakuspende fifte, tasvika maMutare kuti tiproceede kuende bocha kwakuspende fifte, tichangobude maMutare kwakumire pane imwe township kwakuspende fifte fiuti, tikati arume ngatimbocalculator finance yataspenda wanike iya!!!, inga tadya mari total expenditure yanga iri $2,50.

panouya vanhu kuzo bata maoko

Vamwe baba vakati vava kufa, vakati regai ndiraire mwana zvokuita parufu pachauya vanhu vachibata maoko.

Panouya mapostori, uvige sugar, 
Pachauya veAnglican uvige doro , 
Pachauya veMethodist uvige  nyama , 
Panouya maPentecost uvige mari, 
Panouya veEndtime (Gumbura) uvige amai vako.

Dzimba Dzakaoma!

Dzimba dzakaoma vakomana.Ndakazviwanira zvangu babie rangu raive steady ndikati regai ndiroore hangu.Takabva taita kamwana kwedu.Sezvo mari yainetsa mukadzi akati otsvaga basa tibatsirane.Pasina nguva ndakanzwa mukadzi oti awana basa pane imwe lodge.Zvakadaro takabva tatama kubva pamba yevabereki tave kuno lodger kweduwo sezvo mari yakanga yave kubatana manje.Problem yakazouya pandakati regai ndirovere chipikiri chekuisa picture frame.Aaa ndakatambura coz madziro ainge akaoma iwayo.Ndipo pandakaona kuti Dzimba dzakaoma.

mari yembwa

Just imagine uriwe unganzwa sei...
Toti une imbwa yako ine zvimbwanana, wobva wazvitengesa. Wosheedza shamwari yako monodya mari iya. Shamwari yako yadhakwa yotanga kudeedzera ichiti, "todya mari yembwa..!!!"

kambo kaya kanonzi "Tapinda Tapinda"

Dj : hello muteereri , wapinda muchirongwa .

Caller: maita vamushamarari, ndine chiziviso. Ndanhongawo bhegi rine chitupa chakanzi Bryan Dzukwa rine mari inoita $300 000

DJ: Hoo maita basa, saka manga muchida kuti muvaudze kwavanokwanisa kukuwanai here.

Caller: Aiwa, maya. Ndanga ndichida kuti mundiridzirewo kambo kaya kanonzi Tapinda Tapinda.!!!

Vakomana chirungu chakaoma!

Vamwe bhudhi vaitengesa mavegetables kumarket. Kwakauya murungu akathenga neR100 manje bhudhi Havana change. 
Bhudhi kwakuti kumurungu money is together murungu akati what? 
Bhudhi vakati money is meeting, murungu akati: I don't understand. 
Bhudhi vakati money is mixed murungu kwakuti I can't get you 
Bhudhi vakati money is in a relationship, murungu akati come again 
Bhudhi vakati money is joined murungu akati please explain 
Bhudhi vakati money is one. Murungu akati I beg your pardon 
Bhudhi vakati: R1 is here R2 is here R5 is here R10 is here R20 is here R50 is here   achinongedzera R100) akati they are the team.

huya tiverenge mari

Murume: Huya kuno
Mukadzi: Kunei
Murume: ita zvandataura bvisa bhurugwa
Mukadzi: Ndabvisa
Murume: Chiuya pano pamubhedha
Mukadzi: Ndauya
Murume: Chindibatsirawo kuwerenga mari
Mukadzi: Saka bhurungwa rangu ndabvisirei
Murume: Ungazondibira mari yangu uchiisa mubhurugwa

Zvidhura zvema dhora ku Binga

Umwe mface aiita zvekugadzira zvidhuura zvemaUS$. Imwe weekend akagadzira zvidhuura zvema$18 achibva ati regai ndiende nazvo kumachonyonyo ekuBinga achiti havangamboziva kuti hakuna $18 yakabatana.

Akasvikopinda mune kamwewo kashop maitengeswa nekachembere achibva aburitsa $18 yake yakabatana ndokutti, "Maswera here gogo, ndanga ndichikumbirawo change."

Gogaz vakatambira mari ndobva vangoitarisa mbichana vachibva vanyemwerera vachiti, "Ndokupa ari ma$9 maviri here kana kuti ma$6 matatu........."

kare kwanga kwaka chipa

Zvinhu zvakanga zvakanaka kare. Mdhara aiudza hake vazukuru vake how in the old days he could go kumaShop nedhora achinouya ne 2 loafs, chisaga chemaPotatoe, gaba reJam, tsapo yemaSweets ne kaShuga.. 
Asi zvamazuvaano hazvichaiti, too many security cameras muzvitoro!

kare mari yaitenga chaizvo!

Unonzwa vakuru vachiti kare mari yaitenga chaizvo! Ende zvinhu zvanga zvakanaka! Asi chinoshamisa ndechekuti unonzwa vachiti taienda kuchikoro  nemangayi, maheu, kudya sadza nemhodzi dzemanhanga...
Unotoshaya kuti mari yacho yaitenga mangayi here. 

Ndakatengesa madomasi

Interviewer: VaChiyangwa, makazvigona sei kuti musvike kuita millionaire?
Phillip Chiyangwa: Ndakarima madomasi 1 million ndikamatengesa dhora dhora.

Mazhanke imarii - rand, bond coin

Me: Mazhanje imari
Vendor: 5rand
Me: Oyi 5rand
Vendor: Sorry hatitore Rand
Me: But mati 5Rand
Vendor: 5rand yemaBond!

Benzi richida kuteng juzi

Benzi rakapinda mushop richida juzi reblack, rakapinda mushop ndokuti: "ndirikuda jersey reblack". Zvikanzi nemutengesi: "tine rebrown ingoritora uwudze moyo wako kuti iblack".

Zvikanzi nebenzi "zvakanaka, imarii ?"
Mutengesi achiba ati: "i$20". Benzi rakabva raburitsa $5 rikati: "uwudzewo moyo wako kuti i$20"

Civil Servants - Yapinda here babe?

Nhasi ukanzwa murume nemukadzi vachibvunzana kuti yapinda here babe? Usavhunduka, Ipay yemu civil servants irikurehwa 

Ndatambira

Musikana akaona whatsapp status yemufesi wake yakanzi ndatambira. chinzwa conversation pakati pevaviri:

Thelma: Hello hun
Majid: Wakudei inga wanga usingachade zvekutaura neni?
Thelma: Im sorry hun 4n yangu yaishandiswa nesister yangu. Saka toita sei zvawatambira sweet?
Majid: Toenda kurufu ndatambira shoko rekuti hanzi sekuru vashaya
Thelma: Usandikwidze hasha makuseni ano, zivai zvekuisa pastatus

Nhaka

Mudhara Paul on his death bed surrounded by his 2 sons, a daughter, wife and nurse.

First born son you will have Joina City,
Second son, you will have Eastgate mall
Rosey my lovely daughter you will have Eastlea residential
Wife you will have Borrowdale Brooke 

And the nurse said your husband is a good man he worked for something and he now lives you rich

Wife says kwaaniko!! he is a milk delivery guy arikutisiira kwekutengesera mukaka.....

Masasi ekupenga - Munyama chaiwo

Hameno kuti munyama here kana kuti chii...ndanhonga Mari but yakashota

Ungazondibira mari yangu

Murume: huyakuno
mukadzi: kuzodii?
Murume: itazvanda taura
mukadzi: ndauya
murume: bvisa bhurugwa
mukadzi: ndabvisa
murume: chiuya pano pamubhedha 
mkadzi: ndauya 
murume: ndibatsire kuverenga mari yangu iyi
mkadzi: saka ndozvandabvisira bhurugwa rangu
murume: ehe ungangondibira imwe uchiisa mubhurugwa.

Roora - mkwasha asina mari

Tezvara: Gogoi $10, Makandinzwa nani $10, Matekenya ndebvu $120, Vhuramuromo $300. Chimbobvisai iyoyo mkwasha tichazotaura imwe nekufamba kwenguva. 
Mkwasha: Ndafamba ndisina mari baba ndati ndimbonzwa ma price. 
Tezvara: Urikuti kudii nhai Sinyoro?
Mkwasha: Ndati ndauya kuzotora ma price chete mukaona ndati zii moziva kuti maprice akanyanya. 
Tezvara: Wati kudii? Chibuda uende kumba kwako! Ndozvawatiunganidzira pano tichisiya mabasa? buda!! Kamani out! 
Mkwasha: (rambei akati shikiriri kugara akatsikitsira). 
Tezvara: Uchiri wakagarirei ndati buda! 
Mkwasha: handina mari yebhazi

Kunetsa kwemari mugore ra 2016

Mari yanetsa but Vanoda easy access to their funds vhurai account  neNMB...
And you can withdraw any amount that you want, no questions asked..

No bank charges!

National Mattress Bank unongoisa mari yako pasi peMattress

Sabhuku nemusikana wavo mudhorobha

Sabhuku vakasangana nemusikana wavo mutown. Havo nyengu muneimwe shop. Kababy kabva kati "ndirikuda handbag iyo but manje ndakanganwa mari yangu kumba.pliiiizzzzzz do something."
Sabhuku: Ok. Ririkuita marii bag racho handisi kuona paneprice
Baby: Ririkuita $65 igenuine leather.
Sabhuku vakaburitsa wallet yavo. Ndakaona chibaby
chakuswedera padhuze chichivapuruzira. Vakabva aburitsa bond coin (50 cents) ndokupa chibaby
Sabhuku: Mhanya kumba undotora mari yacho yawakanganwa.

Ndadonhedza mari - kutuma mwana wepa next door

Ndamuka ndine coin rangu, Ndabva ndatumira kumwana kepanext kunonditengera half loaf, ndakaona kachidzoka kasina chingwa asi kachidya yoghurt. 
Hanzi ndadonhedza coin renyu ndichienda Saka pakudzoka ndabva ndanhongawo rangu ndikabva ndatenga yoghurt 

Tamba - Wadiwa Bond Note

Reserve Bank
P.O Box MY 123456789
Money Way
Bank

Wadiwa Bond Note

Ndanyora ino tsamba kuti ndikuzivisevo kuti pano pauri kuda kuuya pabarika, huye US dollar ndiye achiri hake pamoyo womurume! Vana pula, pound, euro, yen naana metcazh vakatowoneka havo vakatodzokera vasati vasakadzwa.

Ini ndakambotsungirira asi zvino ndapfidza hangu, ndangogarira vana vangu! Ko ndichaendepi ndachembedzwa kudai?

Zvino huya hako wakagadzirira. Murume wawada unema domestic violence anotyisa chose. Haatye! Kana mapurisa aakutomutyawo. Saka wotosimba zvako.

Ndini wako akarambwa

Rand

Madaidzirwo oita vana baba mazuva ano

Mazuva ano varume vakudaidzwa nekuwana:

$1000 zvichikwidza: Honey.                   
$700 - $900: Sweetheart 
$400 - $600: Daddy.       
$200 - $300: Baba Bee, Baba Vee etc...         
$100 - $190: Mhofu, Dhewa, Shumba, Mukanya etc...                                  
$100 zvichi dzika: Madzibaba, Munhu washe etc...

Mhando dzevakadzi ne mari

Kune mhando dzevakadzi dzakati wandei, panoti 
  1. Zim dollar - ava vakadzi vakavimbika uye vasingadi nevarume vavo, they are very supportive.
  2. Bearer cheque - aapa pane nyaya, unogona kubva kubasa ukawana aenda zvake, atoExpire, hapana zviripo.
  3. US-Dollar - uyu haabve pamurume zvekumhanya, asi shanje, shanje kani, asi uuuum inhamo zvayo.
  4. Bond-coin - apa ndopane nyaya, vanochengeta asi value yavo ndeyefake, ukasanyatsoona unoti wawana mukadzi asi hapana hapana.
  5. Bond-note - haaaaa uyu mukadzi ane zvivindi, haadiwe asi anotouya chete. Kuvhundutsira pamusha, haatye kana munhu. Anotuka varidzi vepamba iye asati ambogarapo. Nembwa dzinotomuziva asati asvika.                     

Ma bond anetsa paZimbabwe

  1. Bond Meat - Ma chunks
  2. Bond Car - Mahindra
  3. Bond Chicken - Cabbage
  4. Bond Fish - Matemba
  5. Bond Job - Kutengesa bhero nechiVendor
  6. Bond Friends - AnaJudas
  7. Bond Wife - Smallhouse
  8. Bond Girlfriend - 1 nyt stand or pfambi/hure
  9. Bond Licence - Provisional Licence
  10. Bond Passport - ETD
  11. Bond House - Lodge
  12. Bond Milk - My Creamer/Cremots
  13. Bond Phone - Gtide
Zvimwe wopedzisa wega wave munhu mukuru aarrggh nhai

  1. Bond Prophet - ...
  2. Bond Church - ....
  3. Bond Nation - ....

Bond Notes - ko naira nekwacha?

Hanzi heee bond harishande kunze... Heee bond zvakati zvikazoti. 

Ko iro Kwacha rinomboshanda kunze kupi? 
Meticash inoshanda kunze kupi? 
Naira chairo rinoshanda kunze kupi ? 

Bond ndiro ramunoda kuti ritenge kunze nekuti raita sei? 

MUKWANE!

Bond Notes - tsumo

Hedzinoi tsumo dzema Bond Notes:
...................................................................
  1.  Ane  kwacha ane  mari hazvienzane neane bond 
  2. charovedzera charovedzera bond rakapinda muZimbabwe kwakachena 
  3. Igaroziva kuti bond haricrosse boarder
  4. Mudzimu wakupa bond wati nhunzi dzikudye 
  5. Ane bond peta muswe kuti ane US Dollar akutye 
  6. Aive ma bearer ave mabond 
  7. Matakadya US Dollar haanyaradze uyo akabata bond
  8. Kure kwe US Dollar ndiko kusina bond 
  9. Kudada kwevari America kukumbira vari Zimbabwe Bond
  10. Akupa  US Dollar ndewako .


Masasi ekubatsirana - mari yeku snake park

Hanzi unotoona munhu achiwana time yekunoona nyoka ku snake park asi achishaya nguva yekunoona vabereki kumusha. Vanhu itai mushe imi.

Zvinoreva eco wepana ecocash

Ukataura chinhu mubako kana muhova panoita maungira. 
Rinenge riri voice rako haro rinenge richidairira , asi hausi iwe unenge uchiri kutaura.  
Phenomenon iyi Varungu vanoiti  "Echo".
Kana unemari muAccount  asi usinga kwanisi kuiita Cash-Out. Inenge iri mari yako hayo asi hausiriwe unenge wakaibata.
Now i understand why VaMasiwa vakaiti inonzi "Eco"-Cash.

....Maungira emaDhora.

Zvinhu zvinoratidza kuti hawusati wava nemari

12 Things that will let you know kuti hausati waita mari, imbodzikama.
1. Ukaona uchivhunduka murungu
2. Ukaona uchiri kutenga mu shop/supermarket inobvunzwa receipt pa door
3. Ukaona mu Phone yako musina kana one message ya teacher na headmaster vemwana wako.
4. Ukaona uchigara imba ine ma burglar bars
5. Ukaona uchigara muimba ine sitting room inedoor rinonanga mu main bedroom
6. Ukaona uchidyira mu sitting room uyezve mumba mako musina dining room ne table yacho.
7. Ukaona une musikana webasa one uyezve ari iye anoita futi zve garden nekugeza mota
8. Ukaona uchidira fuel ye $5 zvichidzika
9. Ukaona mumba menyu muchidya type one yenyama pa meal uyezve muchidya more than 1 loaf pa Zuva. Chingwa hachifanire kuwanda kudarika zvinoiswa pakati pechingwa.
10. Ukaona kwaunogara kusingawanikwe ma billboards e perfume
11. Ukaona uchi scratcher airtime kuti u juice 
12. Ukaona bank manager asina phone number yako mu phone make.

Bond Notes: Mazita anoenderana nenguva yatiri

Kune wachangobara kana warikutarisira, hawo maazita anofambirana nenguva:

  • Bondnashe
  • Tawanabond
  • Tabondwa
  • Bondmore
  • Bondwell
  • Bondelina
  • Bondlyn
  • Bondikelelo
  • Tabondzwa
  • Takubondwa
  • SimbanaBond
  • Bondknows
  • Bondfree
  • Bondward
  • Bondson
  • Bondington

Bond Notes - kukumbira mari

Yedu yekukumbira Mari pagroup re family iyi, nhasi ndati kunamai vaMadam vangu Mhamha ndokumbirawo  'bond' foni yangu yabva yanyora 'bonde' vanhu vese vari kupopota. Ndabva ndabudiswa mugroup.

Bond Notes: kubuda color

Zvenyu zvekut munowerenga Mari uchiisa mate pachigunwe zvapera!! Ku Bond note chigunwe chosara chiri Green kunge wanga uchitemha Nyevhe

Bhadharai ndikuudzei akarara mubhedhuru

Hanzi nekamwana kuna daddy vako vabva kubasa after 2 months vasipo. Nhai daddy ndikakuudzai akasara achirara mubedroom namama munondipei? zvikanzi $5, zvikanzi ishoma, baba ndokupa mwana $50. Mkomana ndokutyorera muhomwe zvikanzi ndini hangu.

Masasi ekupenga: mari yabiwa muchurch

Imagine wabvisa $100 muchurch zvipo zvoverenga zvonzi nhas mari yedu yaita $44. Unoita Sei. Tumirawo vamwe unzwe mhinduro

Mushandi wepa purazi achida kuwedzerwa mari

Conversation pa farm

Mushandi: Shefu ndakauya pano mombe dziri 12 ikozvino dzave 41
Boss: Yes sure
Mushandi: Zvino ndange ndati mundiwedzerewo pay ka
Boss: Ko ndimi maidzi mitisa here bamnini?

Valentines prayer yemadzimai

Prayer for Valentine's Day:
Mwari komborerai njere dze varume vedu vakwanise kuziva nokuona musiyano weKUSHAYA NE KUOMERA

Ma donations e swimming pool

Pane mwana wechikoro asvika pamba pangu achida madonations, hanzi pachikoro parikuda kuvakwa swimming pool.hameno kana ndagona ndamupa 20 litres dzemvura.

Masasi ekupenga : kuendeswa out

Hanzi kune mamwe ma babie anoda kuendeswa out every week kunge bin! 

Torai neka bhuku...

Manheru a nezuro pane katuckshop kari kumaraini kwangu kakapazwa nematsotsi ndichiona. Ndaitotyawo asi chandakango kwanisa kuita ndecheku dedzera kuti 'torai ne ka book ke zvikwereti...'

Vanhu vane mari

MuZimbabwe ukawona munhu achiri kujaivha radio ichirira hana mari. Vane mari makumbo akazvimba nekumira mu queue kuma bank.

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