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Sei uchigara wakandi siya

Paiva nematwins mukomana nemusikana kana vakatumwa kumashops vaienda vachimanya saka kasikana kaigara kachingosiiwa umwemusi vachigezesiwa kasikana kakatarisa kukakomana, kakati aah ndosaka uchindisiya unekagiya

Mukomana achi pfimba musikana

Kunyenga kwakaoma akomana. Mumwe muface akati achinyenga babie apererwanemasasi akabata ruoko rwe babie zvikanzi "unomboziva kuti ndorutyora here..."

Unobatika papi?

Muface: uri pa whatsapp?
Chimoko: aiwa
Muface: ko facebook?
Chimoko: aiwa
Muface: ko twitter hayo?
Chimoko: handipo
Muface: saka uri pai?
Chimoko: ndiri pa eco-cash

rest in peace

Kudanana na Village girl ma 1. 
Boy.... "Goodnyt swit, !
Girlfriend..... "ok switheart, rest in peace...."

chinoz - tsamba ku chimoko

WADIWA GURORIYA

Baby ndokuda kunge nyoka yakafa.
Ndikakufunga ndichiwacha ndinonanika bucket. 
Kwese kwandinoenda handidi kukushaya setoilet. 
Babie l luv yu lyk new radio no gruuu no shhhhhh
Babie unoziva? Ndikakufunga ndichigeza ndomedza sipo!
Urigudo rakaba chibage chemoyo wangu, ndiwe wega
channel inobata pa satelite dish rangu re wiztech
Dai uri nyika yebhora ndaikuita Brazil ndichigohwesa pandodira.
Babe ndokuda zvekuti dai uri mari ndaikumbira mai vako vandikweretese ndoregedza kudzosera chikwereti.
Ndikakufunga ndinobva ndapusa kunge fish dzemugaba. 
Ndikakufunga ndichidya sadza ndoseva pasi. 
Ndikakufunga ndiri pachigayo ndogaisa madhongi. 
Babe unondizadza nerudo se memory card.
Ndokunonga urikure seblue tooth, ndokuda zviri extra kunge mega juice.
Handimbokuisa pabarika kunge dual sim hanty!
Zvekuti pandichakuroora . ndichagara newe kunge  birth certificate. Uchange  uri mumaoko kunge  cellphone...
Dai wainga uri chipfeko  ...u were going to b my 1 underwear ......

Ndini wako anokudisisa kunge air time ye net 1

Chinoz

unodya wega, ndazvimbirwa

Mumwe muface akanda nebhebhi rake kuchicken Inn ndokubva vadya 2 piecer yake yake. Vapedza ndokudya maicecream apa vangavaguta manje mface akazoti kuna waiter "tipewoka matooth pick" zvikanzi nebhebhi richiyemerera " aah shamwari matooth pick unodya wega ini ndazvimbirwa

kupfimba ne bhaibheri

Tindo achishandisa bhaibheri kupfimba:

Tindo: Une mukomana here?
Girl: Handina
Tindo: Gen 2:18 "Jehova Mwari akatizve, Hazvina kunaka,kuti munhu agare ariwoga, ndichamuitira mubatsiri akamukwanira.

Girl: Handikudei bhudhi.
Tindo: 1 John 4:8 Usingadi haazivi Mwari, nokuti MWARI RUDO

Girl: Ndoziyasei kuti urikurevesa nemashoko ako aya?
Tindo: Matt 12:34 Nokuti muromo unotaura zvizere pamoyo

Girl: Manje ndoziya sei kuti wakatendeka muzvokwadi?
Tindo: Mark 13:31 Denga napasi zvichapera asi mashoko haaperi

Girl: But why wada ini? Vasikana hobho pasi rese
Tindo: Prov 31:29 Vakunda vazhinji vakaita zvakanaka, asi iwe unovakunda vese.

Girl: But waonei mandiri chaita kuti undide?
Tindo: Song of Solomon 4:7 Akaisvonaka, iwe shamwari yangu, Hakuna gwapa kwauri.

Girl: Uhmmmmmm, wakuwedzera tunzungu iwe?
Tindo: Prov 31:30 Zvinofadza zvinonyengedzera, unaki hauna matura. Asi mukadzi anotya Jehova, ndiye anofanira kurumbidzwa.

Girl: Saka ndikabvuma chii chinoitika?
Tindo: Gen 2:24 Naizvozvo munhu anofanira kusiya baba naamai vake, anamatire mukadzi wake vave nyama imwe.

Girl: Uhmmmm, sei uchiziya bhuku dzvene kudaro?
Tindo: Joshua 1:8 Bhuku iyi murairo haifaniri kubva pamuromo wako asi unofanira kurirangarira masikati nousiku kuti uchenjere kuita zvose zvakanyorwamo. Nokuti nokudaro uchazviwanira mufaro panzira yako nokubata nokuchenjera.

Girl: Woow, i can see you love God
Tindo: Ps 34:8 Ravirai henyu muone kuti Mwari Havana chinhu chakanaka chavangashaiwa.

Girl: Mmmm, ok chimbondipa nguva ndifunge nezvenyaya yako
Tindo: Philippian 4:8 Pakupedzisira hama dzangu zvose zvazvokwadi zvose zvinokudzwa, zvose zvakarurama zvose zvakachena zvose zvinodikanwa zvose zvinorumbidzwa kana kunaja kupi nekupi kana chingarumbidzwa chipi nechipi, fungisisa izvozvo

Girl: wow, Tindo ndinenge ndatokuda ini
Tindo: Revelation 22:21 "Amen"

Pakuroorana pane zvinoregedzwa

Gal: Tiikaroorana unofanira kuregedza fodya
Boy : Horaiti
Gal : nedoro
Boy : iri bho.
Gal : hapasisina zvekuenda ku Down Town , kana kuBowls Club, ku eclipse toenda tese kana uchienda.
Boy : zviri munzeve
Gal : wosiyana nenyaya yekunoona bhora nemaface ako totsvaga Dstv redu bhora roonerwa mumba.
Boy: ka1
Gal : hapana chimwe chandasiya here? Chii chimwe chaunoda kurega?  Boy: ndoda kurega ukuroora!

Mathew 7 v 7

Themba akanzwa kuti kune pungwe kuZCC akati regai ndimbonoona kuti kwakamira sei, achisvika akawana mufundisi achiti yave nguva yekuzorora chimborarai zvishoma. Sezvo kwaitonhora Temba akatanga kutsvaga angamubatsira kuti adziirwe. Themba akafunga kutsvaga zvihunhi, achingoti fambei kubva pavanhu akaona vamwe sisi vachiwaridza ndokukumbira gumbeze ndokunzi huyai mupinde sezvo paive pagungano ramwari hapana chakaipa chaifungirwa. Akati adziirwa ropa rakatanga kumhanyamhanya Themba ndokutsvanzvadzira garo rasisi, sisi vaya ndokuti Metthew 7 v 7. Achinzwa izvi Themba akazeza akasiya , garegare akapamha sisi ndokdzokorodza Metthew 7 v 7. Kwaedza Themba akatenda ndokuenda zvake. Kuzoti aveega akavhura vers riya ndokuwana richiti kumbira unopihwa. Naizvozvo hama yangu ziva shoko ramwari usazo potswa nezvinonaka

Dzimba dzakaoma vakomana

Dzimba dzakaoma vakomana! Ndakazviwanira zvangu babie rangu raive steady ndikati regai ndiroore hangu.

Takabva taita kamwana kedu. Sezvo mari yainetsa mukadzi akati otsvaga basa tibatsirane. Pasina nguva ndakanzwa mukadzi oti awana basa pane imwe lodge. 

Zvakadaro takabva tatama kubva pamba yevabereki tave kuno lodger kweduwo sezvo mari yakanga yave kubatana manje.

Problem yakazouya pandakati regai ndirovere chipikiri chekuisa picture frame.Aaa ndakatambura coz madziro ainge akaoma iwayo.Ndipo pandakaona kuti Dzimba dzakaoma. 

Tammie

Boy :  Hesi shaa
Girl  :  Hi
Boy :  Unonzani?
Girl  :  Tammie
Boy :  Ndo zita rako rese?
Girl. :  Aiwa....
Boy :  Ropedziswa sei?
Girl :  Tamamanenhamo.

Ndoda ana mai vakafa

Mother: Nhai Joe mwanangu wave nemakore mangani?

Son: Ndaane 35 amai.
Mother : Saka kureva kuti hausati wave
nemskana waunoda kuroora here?

Son : Kwete amai ndinaye.

Mother : Kozvino chakumisa chiiko nhai
mwanangu iyezvino kubasa waporomotwa
tarisa makurire ezimba rino rawa kapiwa raunongogara wega. !

Son : Ndicharoora amai kana nguva yakwana.

Mother : Ndiri amai vako Joe nditaurire
chokwadi kana pane zvinonetsa tione zvekuita ?

Son : Chete amai musikana wangu ndomuda kuti ndiputse chitsidzo naye chekupinda
musvitsa tave ne15 yrs tichidanana hazviite.

Mother : Ah 15yrs saka arikuenda kuchikoro here?

Son : Kwete aakutosevenza asi kuti kubva ndichimu pfimba akati haadi kuroorwa
nemukomana ana amai vapenyu.

Ndokupa makumbo

Ndanzi neka babe kepa next door ndibatsireo kuundura huku kana tapedza ndokupa makumbo

Handisi kumhanyisa pfungwa here?

Ndinga dai ndabuda mujere nhasi

Mukadzi akapinda mukitchen ndokuona murume akagara pachair akatarisa pacalendar misodzi ichierera. zvikanzi: 
Mukadzi: "Ko chii nhai sweety?"
Murume: "Uchiri kuziva here tichiri mkomana nemusikana paya patakabatwa nababa vako, pavakanditi ndisarudze pakati pekukuroora kana kuti ndiende kujeri kwe10years.?"
Mukadzi: "Hoo, ehe ndapaziva. Ko mazvifunga sei izvozvo?"
Murume: "Ndiri kudemba kuti dai ndakangoshingirira, ndingadai ndabuda mujeri nhasi."

Handidi zveku dyiwa ne chimoko

Givhi: ko kabhebhi kaya wazodii nako
Tindo: ndakasiya ini handidi zvekudyiwa
Givhi: wazviziva sei wangotaura nako 5 minutes
Tindo: kati zita rangu ndonzi Chelsea. 

Yambiro kuvanasikana

Mufundisi achiparidza muChechi, "Imi, Vasikana! Dzikamai,muRoorwe! Kwete kuita seNdege yeku Malaysia!"
VaTendi ndokubvunza. "Ndege yekuMalaysia yakaita sei nhai Mufundisi?"
Mufundisi ndokupindura vachiti: "Yakakwirwa nevanhu 200, naNhasi haisati yawanikwa!"

Ndibatire nyanga!

Two boyz dzemombe dzaiita basa rekukwira mombe kana vaenda kumafuro. Umwe aibata nyanga dzemombe mumwe okwira pachuru orova yemombe. Kana apedza mumwe ainobatawo nyanga mumwe wake oitawo. 
Rimwe zuva mumwe apedza kuita akaramba kubatira mumwe wake nyanga. Izvi zvakamugumbura achibva aramwa kufudza mombe ndokutanga kudzokera kumba.
Mvura yakatanga kunaya achibva asvika rwizi rwazara. Akanzwa inzwi remusikana achichema ndokutarisa mumvura akaona musikana ainge onyura. Semukomana aiziva mvura akasvetukira murwizi ndokubatsira musikana uya. Musikana akabva ati sezvo wandibatsira taura chose chaunoda. 
Mukomana akatarisa chimoko akaona chakabatana chakasimba akati. Wati chero chandada? Musikana akati chero chawada ndinoita. Mukomana akati, "ko kana pane mumwe munhu aripo unobvuma kuita zvandinoda here?" Musikana ndokuti hongu. 
Mukomana akatora musikana uya ndokudzokera naye kumafuro kwaiva nemumwe wake. Asvika akati kune mumwe wake. " Kana wanga uchiti wakangwara wairasa." Akadana musikana uya kwaari ndokuti kumusikana. "Ndibatirewo nyanga" achibva atanga kukwira mombe.

Ndakadya guru

Yekudhakwa yakaoma! Mumwe mukomana akatenga guru ndokurisiya kumba nekuti magetsi ayenda. Akadzokera kubhawa ndokuzofunga kunobika pakadzoka magetsi, asi light rakabva ratsva. 
Apinda mumba akabatabata pa table ndokutora guru rake ndokucheka cheka ndokuisa mupoto. Akaisa ma onion nemadomasi kuti zvinyatsoibva zvose. 
Chakamunetsa ndechekuti rakaramba kuibva kusvikira apakura rimwe ndokudya zvakadaro achiti iguru rebhuru rachembera. 
Ava mangwnani, akashanyirwa ne musikana wake iye asati amuka ndokuudza musikana kuti abike kasadza ke bhabharasi nekuti akasiya usavi manheru.
Musikana apedza kubika sadza, ndokuisa kapoto keusavi pastove. Paakavhura poto wanei mapisi 7 e towel rokugezesa zvakanyatsosangana nemadomasi. Musikana ndokubvunza mukomana, "wakadya nei mamheru", zvikanzi neguru. Mukomana akazoti ava kundoogeza, wanei guru riri mu shower rakatocheneruka sipo.

Civil Servants - Yapinda here babe?

Nhasi ukanzwa murume nemukadzi vachibvunzana kuti yapinda here babe? Usavhunduka, Ipay yemu civil servants irikurehwa 

Ndatambira

Musikana akaona whatsapp status yemufesi wake yakanzi ndatambira. chinzwa conversation pakati pevaviri:

Thelma: Hello hun
Majid: Wakudei inga wanga usingachade zvekutaura neni?
Thelma: Im sorry hun 4n yangu yaishandiswa nesister yangu. Saka toita sei zvawatambira sweet?
Majid: Toenda kurufu ndatambira shoko rekuti hanzi sekuru vashaya
Thelma: Usandikwidze hasha makuseni ano, zivai zvekuisa pastatus

Uri mbudzi here?

Musikana atizira: Baba ndauyawo ndine nhumbu ya John
Baba: Wabvepi
Musikana: KuBikita
Baba : Ko John wakamuonepi
Musikana : Ku village kwedu achitsvaga mbudzi
Baba: Saka iwe uri mbudzi here?

Ndini Kero

Inzwa conversation iripano:
Mukomana aida kutaura nechimoko asi changa chisina fone, so akafona pane yababa wacho.
Baba: haloo
Muface :halo ndingataure wo na stella
Baba: ndiwe ani
Muface: ndini Kero
Baba: unoti ndiwe Caro anenzwi rechirume manje hausi kuzotaura naye kana usina kundiudza kuti ndiwe ani
Muface: inga ndirikutaura wani kt ndini Kerovhini

Mwanasikana - Mubvunzo kuvabereki

Mwanasikana oramba kuperekedzwa kundokwira bhazi rechikoro oenda kubhazi ega. Manheru acho monzwa kt bhazi rakabheuka rikauraya vana vese. Pamunoti regai tonotora chitunha chemwana, motomuona achiuya, oti handina kuzoenda ndarara kuboyfreind yangu !! 
Munotenda Mwari here kana kuti boyfriend yake kana kuti modii?

Masasi ekupenga - Kupfimbana

Kupfimba kwakaoma, umwe mface abva kubvumwa nebaby nyaya bvadzapera. Kushaya nyaya chaiko.....akabva abata rwoko rwebby..... Kwakuti unozviziwa here kuti ndorwutyora urwu. . 
Umwewo ndiye akati abvumwa sanhasi mangwana akunoona baby abva ashaiwa kuti otangawo sei  nyaya zvikanzi ndimi makadai kutida 
Mumwewo akazoti aona babie akushaya kuti otanga nyaya sei akazoti...... garazviya ndiyani mukuru iwe namai vako?

Sabhuku nemusikana wavo mudhorobha

Sabhuku vakasangana nemusikana wavo mutown. Havo nyengu muneimwe shop. Kababy kabva kati "ndirikuda handbag iyo but manje ndakanganwa mari yangu kumba.pliiiizzzzzz do something."
Sabhuku: Ok. Ririkuita marii bag racho handisi kuona paneprice
Baby: Ririkuita $65 igenuine leather.
Sabhuku vakaburitsa wallet yavo. Ndakaona chibaby
chakuswedera padhuze chichivapuruzira. Vakabva aburitsa bond coin (50 cents) ndokupa chibaby
Sabhuku: Mhanya kumba undotora mari yacho yawakanganwa.

RIP paWhatsapp status

Rimwe baby rakanzi nemufesi kuti ndizive kuti unondida ende ndini ndega put me on your profile.APA Zvipande hombo kuchimoko rikati zano huya pano,ndokuisa mufesi paprofilr status ndokunyora R.I.P Zvipande zvichiona zvakabvunza baby ndiani wako afa uyo iye ndokupindura ,sekuru mwana wehazvadzi yamai mari dzechema dzakapinda naiyo Ecocash yakauya iyi.Mufesi achizoona akati ko baby ndoipi yawaita iyi RIP zvikanzi nebaby take it easy swty RIP stands for RELATIONSHIP IN PROGRESS

Chikomana chinofarira sadza!

Jane.: Babe ndakusuwa ukuitei?
Tindo.: Ndikudya sadza bby.
Jane.: Ko dai ndiripo dai tichiitei?
Tindo.: Dai wakanditarisa ndichidya sadza.
Jane.: Ko dai pasina sadza?
Tindo.: Dai Nditori kutobika sadza.
Jane.: Tomboti dai pasina hupfu?
Tindo.: Dai tiri kuchigayo ndichigayisa hupfu hwekubikisa sadza.
Jane.: Sadza munorida hantie... Sadza neni chii chamunoda sterek?

Tindo.: Nxaaaah usaenzanise sadza nezvinhu zvisina basa!!

shongrish - rudo randipedza mafuta

Chirungu chakaoma!
Umwe musikana waida kunyora tsambambozha kumukomana wake nechirungu. Aida kuti "Rudo rwako rwandipedza mafuta".
Asi nekugozha kwechirungu, musikana wakanyora kuti: " Hi babie, your love finished my vaseline "

Mukomana avharirwa nemvura ari kwe bhebhi

Pane muface akaenda kumba kwebabie kudinner. Vapedza kudya, mvura yakatanga kunaya heavy zvikanzi namomz webabie chingorara pano idzo dzikabvuma.
Momz vakaenda kunogeza maplates, babie rabva ranowaridza bed, dzimuface dzikasara mudining.
Momz nebabie pavakadzoka vakaona musina munhu, vakatsvaga vakamushaya. Vakazoona munhu achipinda akatota zvekupenga, babie dobva rabvunza kuti wanga uripi zvikanzi:
"Ndanga ndamboenda kumba kunoudza mama vangu kuti handichakwanisi kuuya kuzorara kumba nenyaya yemvura"

masasi ekupenga - kuramba musikana asina mhosva

Mufesi anga achida kuramba beb rake risina mhosva, akuti
"Ukuona manje kuti hàuna kana respect, ndikutaura néwe iwe utori busy kufema"

kumhoresana nemudiwa - my boo

Musikana: I'm in love with you boo!!
Mukomana: I love you more my fushu
Musikana: kkkk chii ichocho?
Mukomana: I thought tirikumhoresana ne type dzemisuri

ka type ke vheji

Nezuro ndakatengera musikana wangu we kuMasvingo maruva. Ndikamatumidzira pabhazi. Nhasi ndawana tsamva kubva kwaari:

"Thanks daddy neka type ke Vheji kamakatitumira,kakaipa mudovi"

baby unogara wakachena

Prosper: baby unogara wakachena chaizvo asi zvanhasi zvakanyanya. 
Tariro: thanx, ndaisaziva kuti ndinochena zvinoyamurawo 
Prosper: no ndiri kureva kuti unogara wakachena muromo nenzara.

ma bond notes anenge network

Chinzwa vasikana vaye manje:

"Kana pane anoda kundiroora, ngaato manya manya izvozvi! Zvekuzo roorwa nema bond unotoshaya value kikiki. Apa marii yacho inoshanda kugumira paborder kunge network"

siyana nemusikan wangu

Bradley: shaa siya nezvekunetsa babie rangu Tariro 
Prosper: iye ndiye ari kutondinetsa 
Bradley: akunetsa kuti chii?
Prosper: ari kuramba kupfimbwa neni

Kudanana nemusikana ari kure

Kudanana nemukomana kana musikana ari joza Iwe uri zim zvakafanana nekudya sadza nemumvuri wehuku

Musikana dofo - geography

Hanzi musikana anga achinyepera mukomana kuti akadzidza iye asina. So vakazoenda kuhotel . Mukomana akabvunza musikana kuti "iri cei geography?" Musikana akati" iri right asi ndajaira kuidya ine nyama."

Masasi ekupenga : kuendeswa out

Hanzi kune mamwe ma babie anoda kuendeswa out every week kunge bin! 

Chirungu chakauya nengarava - favourite dish

Umwe mukomana akayendesa musikana wake ku restaurant. Yasvika nguva yekuisa order, mukomana akabvunza mudiwa wake achiti:
Mukomana: ''Babe, what's your favourite dish?''
Musikana: ''wiztech''.
Vanhu vakazvinzwa vakabva vakafa nekuseka, zvikanzi nechisikana chiya:
Musikana: ndiri kutamba zvangu iDstv kani''

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