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Mapurisa otandaniswa ne mapositori

Wotoona mapositori achitandanis mapurisa, wotoshaya kuti zviri kumbofamba sei

Repu kesi

Pane mumwe murume ange abatwa nemhosva yekurepa mukadzi saka mapurisa aka svika kwaari ndokuti "baba mabatwa nemhosva yerape". 
Murume uya akapindura achiti "murikutaura rape ipi yacho?".
"Muri kutaura rap yarap music, kana kuti rape yarape muriwo kana kuti rape yokurepa
mukadzi?".

Mbavha yaka hwanda mu mortuary

Pane imwe mbavha yaimhanyiswa nemapurisa. Yakabva yamhanyira mumortuary ikarara paside nezvitunha.Mapurisa vakapinda mumortuary muye ndokutarisa-tarisa asi havana kuiona. Mumwe mupurisa akabva adaidzira kuti "vakafa vese simudzai maoko tione" Mbavha yakabva yasimudza ruoko.

Wasu ku mapurisa

Wasu vakanga vari pacourt ndokusangana nahomeboy  kwaakuchiexplaina .Zvikanzi:
"Ndauya kuno nge case ngekuti mwana wakaitwa sex ngebhinya'

Apa vaitaura mudon akange arepewa

Different view on VaPositori vs Police

After the war between vapositori and zrp, the following people were asked to give their views and comments, and below is what they said:

Tiri parwendo actor: Mapurisa akashagadwa akashagadika semashakada akabikwa akashisha

Mai Chisamba: Vadiwa vatariri, ngatizeyei nyaya iyi zvakazara. Ko chiiko chinorwadza kudarika chimwe, tsvimbo yemupurisa (butterstick) kana kuti tsvimbo yemupositori? Touya kwamuri baba chiringazuva chedu chisati chakwata.


Papa Ubert: In the prophetic realm, I prophecy that what the vapositori did is a clear indication of lack of anointing and spiritual powers. Physical battles are not for the church. If it was my church, the congregates would just shout "Major Major!" and all the officers would shake and fall with the high anointing.

Zviri kumbofamba sei: Unotoona kuti mapurisa akatosvika pamasowe vakapfeka bhutsu uku vasina kukwinyira matrouser, apa vakatopfeka hat dzavo. Wotonzwa mapurisa ototi aa, hatidi ma child marriages kumapositori ekumasowe echishanu asi vachisiya vekwamarange. Vaya votoona kuti aa, ko tisu tega here? Bhaibheri rinoti pfekai nhumbi dzokurwa nadzo kureva kuchenesa hana yako, asi unotoona kuti vapositori vanofunga kuti magemenzi netsvimbo ndonhumbi dzacho. Wotoona mapurisa otorohwa nevapositori netsvimbo asi ivo vaine pfuti, vototiza madzimai ototi yeeeeeeee, wotoshaiwa kuti aa, ko zvinhu zvacho zviri kumbofamba sei.

Milton Chitsime: Vapositori vakanga vakaungana kuti bhomere mere seura hwesiriri pakereke paBudiriro apa, mapurisa ndokuti svikiti. Yakaparurwa nyaya, ndokunzi mudariro tsve. "Regai tsika yekuroora vana vadiki," akadaro umwe mupurisa. Kunzwa izvi vana madzibaba ndokuti tuu kutsamwa, zenze tuku nehasha. Pasina chinguva, tsvimbo kumupurisa, imwe kuna muzvina kamera. Imiwe, pakarohwa munhu pamasowe. Mupurisa akanzi netsvimbo kumusana ga, tatara tatara ndiye pasi nyonde. Umwe mupurisa akati kuna madzibaba tsvimbo zete, madzibaba pasi pi, gemenzi peku ndiye zii vakadaro. Tototenda kuti vaiva netirauzi mukati. Dai zvisizvo, paya pakati gemenzi peku, hameno. Uone madzimai uko kukuza, "Rovai madusvura iwawo." Imika! Chokwadi vakafa havana chavakaona, uye kutaurirwa hunyimwa sembare dzekumusana, saka zvaitoda kuzvionera pamhino sefodya. Yakaita mbona mbona kutsvaga chikiti chitema murima!

Sociologist: The propounders of deindividualization phenomina have already foreseen this deviant event. Because the apostolic sect members were so many, each of them lost a sense of identity, followed by untold beatings to the police. Well, taking from Haralambos et al, the theory of functionalism has been witnessed for the market of carpenters is going to boost as they will be making new tsvimbos for all madzibaba and madzimai. From a sociological perspective, the social animals, which in this regard are the police and vapositori, and ongologically speaking from an epistemological paradigm, have begun an era of war

Hwindi: Haa zvedu zvabhadhara vakomana. Mapurisa aigara akatisona, manje ikozvino ava kumapositori. Eee, maiguru muri kuenda here? Tsviyoo. Makoni nepakati.

Vharazipi: Singing *zvamutsana mutsana, madzibaba na officer, zvamutsana mutsana...* bvisa madzibwa iwe! Kusati "Rufaro kwamuri" kunorovesa netsvimbo. Kusabvisa shangu pamasowe kunorovesa. Kusabvisa hat, kunorovesa. Ndakakuudzai VaMayaya kuti Mudhogo wakazviedza izvi, haikona kuzvidza masowe.

Tsvangirayi: The police had helmets, handcuffs, butter sticks and pistols. So it cant be possible that the vapositori defeated them with only tsvimbo yemasowe. They rigged. I therefore declare this story null and void. I wont allow such rigging in 2018.

Dancehall artists: Popopopopo. Makarova officer. Makarova officer. Saka ndiyo reason, yamuri kupindira muprison. Levels! Tiri kurova tiri kurova. Tiri  kurova tiri kurova. Tiri kurova netsvimbo vamwe vari kurova nema buttersticks. Vegodo voti mapositori haana kana dhiri awa, nanana, asi isu tiri kutomhanyisa madinga netsvimbo, hmmmmm hmm.

Wasu: Ini panyaya iyi ndinoita see kuti mapurisa havana kunyatsoite introduce nyaya yavo kuna madzibaba Ishamaeri. Izvi zvakazoita kuti porisi iitwe bash netsvimbo. Hongu mapositori ari wrong pakuite marry vana vadiki uye kusavaendese kuschool. Asi iyo porisi yaifanira kutange yaite remove shangu dzavo nema helmets vobva vozoite address nemapositori. Asi ndinoti sando kumapositori nekuti vakaita defeat porisi netsvimbo chete. Asi manje porisi ichaite revenge and hameno vana madzibaba vakaponaba. 

City Council: We have now found a solution to the city kombi operators. They have outweighed both our officer and those from zrp regardless of the fact that our police is armed with butter sticks. Now we are replacing our officers with vapositori and phase out butter sticks and employ tvimbo dzekumasowe. With this strategy in place, the traffic jam and confusion that is caused by kombi operators will be put to an end.

Eco-Tsvimbo

Econet yazviita zvekare! Unbelivable deals!!

Wave kukwanisa kuzvidzivirira kumapurisa kana masoja chaiwo ne Eco-tsvimbo! To get one, just sms "MASOWE" to 3333!!!

Vhura gonhi, tisu vemutemo

POLICE: gogogoi pano

SUSPECT: ndiani ?

POLICE: tisu vemutemo

SUSPECT: ndinga kubatsirai nei ?

POLICE: vhura door

SUSPECT:  takes time to open 

POLICE: Hey ndati vhura door, uchiri kuitei?

SUSPECT: Gemenzi ndariwana asi ndichambotsvaga tsvimbo

POLICE : Kana muri mupositori musazvinetsa henyu, hatisi kuda imi.

Tsumo - vapositori/mapurisa

  1. Mapurisa kusunga kusunga hawo asi madzibaba varipakirau havasungwe.
  2. Dzaimbova tsvimbo dzamoses dzava mboma kurovesa mapurisa.
  3. Kudada kwaofficer kuti u are under arrest kuna madzibaba pachechi.
  4. Chiripo charovesa officer nemapostori kuti madzibaba hakurovese
  5. Chaidzingirira chava kutiza.

Tsumo - vapositori vs mapurisa

  • Kurova kunoda kwa John Cena, kwaMadzibaba kunoponjesa Mapurisa
  • Chirove chigokurovawo
  • Kupusa kwevane button stick, kudenha vane tsvimbo gozha.
  • Mupurisa asingadzikame, anofira mumaoko eMapostori
  • Chiripo chavawana, Mapostori haangorove Mapurisa.
  • Kwava kusakara kwe tsvimbo, sedzisakambo shanda pa kirawa.
  •  Ane Mupostori ndeane wake, kudeedza Mupurisa kupedza nguva.
  • Chinono chine ma Officer, Mapostori akarova achitiza.
  • Tsvimbo inopihwa anodenha vari kunyengetera.
  • Mwana waChihuri muranda kumasowe.
  • Kunamata kunamata havo,mapostori kudenhwa pasowe anorikita munhu.
  • Panorangwa mwana waChihuri, hwindi teerera.
  • Mupurisa rudzi,anozvara mwana anorohwa.
  • Mupurisa kuroverwa pavanhu hunzi nditandirwe tsvimbo.
  • Tsvimbo muti unorova waunoda.
  • Chidamwoyo mupurisa akada marwadzo.

Ndokumbiravo pushi

Goshy akabatwa neBabylon (mapurisa) etraffic achityaira Peugout 404 yake. Akabvunzwa chitambi zvikanzi hapana. Ridza hooter hapana, indicators hapana, handbrake hapana, mutero hapana. Zvikanzi mhosva dzako dzawandisa takuregerera enda hako. Kwakuramba akamira zvikanzi naofficer ko uchiri wakamirirei ipapo? Goshy akapindura nekanzwi kairatidza kuzvininipisa zvikanzi, "ndinokumbirawo push"

Chinoz pavaka uraya chipembere

Cde Chinoz vakasungwa nemapurisa ndokuendeswa kucourt.
MAGISTRATE: VaChinotimba mune mhosva yamuri kupomerwa yekuuraya chipembere munobvuma here kana kwete. 
CDE CHINOZ: pamusoroi changamire, makurukota,vedare nemi mose makateerera. Ini ndirikushamisika kuti ndiani arikundipomera mhosva ini ndisina kuuraya chipembere chake.
MAGISTRATE: Tati munobvuma here kuti makauraya chipembere? 
CDE CHINOZ: Hongu chipembere ndakauraya asi ndezvaniko zvipembere zvacho? 
MAGISTRATE: Ndezvedu tose as Zimbabweans. 
CDE CHINOZ: Ehe saka ndakauraya changu zvasara zvose ndezvenyu ini handisisina chipembere.

Rasta vachireporter case yekubirwa

Rasta vachireporter case yekubirwa kwavo zvinhu kuna member in charge:

Officer: mkoma tingakubatsirai nei?

Rasta: uhh ndakena mawinds officer, ndagadzikwa mudhish,kugadzirirwa size nemarukaz.

Officer: Taura nyaya yako tibatsirane uye ndoda kuita ndichiinyora.

Rasta:Nezuro handina kukushita paden ,vana tsotsilaz vakakomha paden pangu depaz ndokundinyamurira masinhi ese kusara mava ground. Ndatozvijesibhaya monaz kuti ngwanda rashamura neteam dhakwaz yese yabva yapera offsa.

Officer: iwe saka unoti ndonyora document kuti chii nezvauri kutaura.Taura zvakanaka tizive nyaya yako.

Rasta: Plz officer help me coz shwada iri kuoneka pachivanze iri kuratidza kuti iteam reketaz rakanyamura madzinhi angu. Ndipei 3 maneighborukaz tivabate vasati vanwira ngwanda rangu.

Officer: wabirwa hre? taura zvawabirwa tizive

Rasta: realz manga mune heavy chindanga,4 pairs jordan shwada,bhivha colors rine leaf, clober rese rechirasta ,sunja yekwa sizzla,gudza nyumbi plus 2kg yee ....yee... Haa officer ndafinhurwa.

Officer: Kana wakuda kuzoreporter zvakanaka wozouya ikozvino chimbodzokera hako kumba.

Giv thanks to N.G.M. and send dis to al rastas u kno in da zion.

chinoz vakapfeka jersey re brazil

Chinos akapfeka jersey rake re Brazil achienda mutown ndokusangana nemapurisa. 
Zvikanzi nemapurisa, "Nekurohwa kwamakaita ne Germany muchiri makangopfeka jersey reBrazil!"
Zvikanzi na Chinos, "Zvichashamisira here? Inga imi wani makangorohwa wani nemapositori asi nanhasi makapfeka uniform yechipurisa!!"

Zimbabwe 2014 Awards

End of year awards
  1. Disease of the year - Ebola
  2. Sabhuku of the year - Vharazipi
  3. Drink of the year - twizza
  4. Social network of the year - Whatsapp
  5. Prophet of the year - W Magaya
  6. Comedian of the year - Mdara Chinoz
  7. The Church with more graduates in karate - kumasowe kuye kwekurohwa police
  8. Harlot of the year - Bev
  9. The most powerful party - Zanu PF
  10. (9) Doctor of the year - Doctor Amai Grace Mugabe

Mwana wemu purisa achivhara nyaya

A ZRP cop asks his son why he got low marks in his exams. Son replied with $5 note in his hand, "Batai makadai mudhara, ipere nyaya iyoyo."

Ndiri weku Traffic

Pastor vakasvika nepaZRP ndokuona officer vachirava bible. Zvakavakatyamadza vakati, whaat! Mapurisa anoravawo magwaro nhai? Vakabvunza simple qstion yemubhaibheri vakati: "nhai officer ndiani pakati paCAIN naABEL akauraya munin'na wake?"

Officer ndokuti "Pastor bvunzai constable varimucharge office ndovanodealer nedzeMurder, ini ndiri weku Traffic!"

nani kuita mupositori

Ukadzidza ne simba unoenda ku UZ mononyimwa chikafu momhanyisana ne police.
Ukaba, unoenda kujeri mononyimwa chikafu momhanyisana ne police. 
Saka ndodini manje, ndava confused... ndagaya ndakuita mupostori , ndomhanyisa police ne tsvimbo!!

zrp accident report

Pane motokari yerudzi rwesando (hammer) yaroverana ne nhatu mbiri nhatu (323). Paita yemushana (sunny) yapotsa yapindawo mune yekuoma mutezo(hardbordy) . Pasina nguva mandimba akasvika neyekudzivirira(defender)

Charge Office

Caller: Hallo
Officer: Yes taurai henyu
Caller : kuCharge office here
Officer: Yes ndiko chaiko baba,ndingakubatsireyi neyi baba
Caller: Munotengesa maCharger eNokia

Hokoyo ne police

Shingi angaari mbavha, paakafa coffin rake rakaramba kudzika muguva.
Pastor ndokuita munamato zvikaramba pastor wechipiri, wechitatu zvakaramba
Shamwari yaShingi ndokuti Pastor regai ndikubatsirei, ndokufamba achienda paguva ndokusviko mira paguva achibvaati: 
"Shingi hokoyo nePOLICE!", coffin richibva ratanga kudzika. Wenyu munamato uchanzii?

Ini ndingori we traffic hangu

Pastor vaidarika zvavo nepa Police station, ndokuona Mupurisa aive Paboom gate achiverenga bible rake, Pastor zvakavashamisa kuti Mapurisa anoverengawo  bible  nhai.
Pastor vakati regai ndimubvunze simple question ndokuti, Nhai Officer pakati paCain naAbel ndiyani akauraya mumwe wake zvikanzi pindai mukati muone Constable vari muOffice number 5 ndivo vanoita zveMurder ini ndiri weTraffic.

Mapurisa haakushayiri mhosva

Mapurisa haakushairi mhosva kana vachida cash.
Vamwe madzibaba vaive neka family car vakamiswa paroadblock  vakanzi seyi uchifamba wega ko ukafa vamwe vanozoziva seyi toda $40,00. 
Madzibaba vaya ndokuti handifambi ndoga ndina Maikoro, Ishemairi, Damureta, Mikairi, Joshua, Gabrieri, Andiria Ginatsio naCrab vatumwa vaMwari. Mupurisa uya ndokuti aaaaa vanhu 9 mukamota kakadai!! Overload ka iyi wedzera taakutoda $90,00.

Dhimoni ra Civil Servant

Vedare ndibatsireiwo, kave kepiri zvichiitika pa kirawa rangu ndichishandira vanhu. Rakamuka dhumoni ndiye kikiri-kikiri aah batai batai maziso tuzu sea EYE WITNESS.
Muporofita: Unodei pamunhu waMwari??
Dhimoni:  Ziii.
Muporofita: Ndati ndiwe ani???
Dhimoni: Ndini.
MuporofitaAni???
Dhimoni: Mu civil servant.
Muporofita: Uri kudei ???
Dhimoni: Ndoda bonus rangu.
Muporofita: Kuna ani, iwe nyatsotaura uri  kurida kunaani chaizvo???
Dhimoni: Aaah kana pasina ndave kuenda asi 2017 mukazviita ndodzoka zvakare.
Muporofita: Nezita raJesu enda kune akakunyima bonus.

Zimbabwe Premier Violence League

Zimbabwe Premier Violence League current standings:

Team                  W        D       L       Pts
Mapostori            1          0       0        3
Dembare Fans     1          0       0        3
ZRP                    1          0       2        3
War Vets              0          0       1        0


Zimbabwe Violence League 2016

Saka log yedu yekupondana yamira so:

  1. MaPostori......... P2....W2....D0...L0.. Pts6
  2. Cross Boarders P1... W1... D0.. L0...Pts3
  3. DeMbare fans.. P1..  W1..  D0.. L0...Pts3
  4. Zimra..............  P1... W0... D0.. L1...Pts0
  5. ZRP................  P3... W0....D0.. L3...Pts0
ZRP mightbe relegated this season

Nhau dzema pay dates 2016

Hedzinoi nhau mururimi rwechishona:

Munyika yezimbabwe ma pay dates ave kugarirwa dare kunge mari yeroora. Kumirirwa kuti abude kunge mudzimu.

Kuri kudiwa affidavit

MOSES : Shaa ma1, ndakarasa licence saka ndanzi ndiuye ne after david.
CHENGE: After David ndiyani?
MOSES : Chibepa chinosainwa na Commissioner of goats.
CHENGE : kkkkkkkkk (shaking her head) Moses enda kugwazh

Masasi ekupenga - tear gas ye ma riots (2016)

Sorry guys mukangoonawo ndati zii. Tight programme, ndiri busy mazuva ano handisi kubatika. Ndakawana tender yeku supplier tear gas.

Uniform yemapurisa - From Hero to Zero

From Hero to Zero. Uniform iya yaimbokwirisa mabhazi mahara, kuHarare yave kurovesa. 

Wasu vachi verenga nhau dzeChiShona

WASU varambidzwa kuverenga nhau dzeShona paZBC mushure mezvizvi:
Hedzinoi ndaa dzichierengwa ndiMutape wekwaonini, wekwaZimunya; Harare: Mukuru anolidhe bato ririkuite looting namasi aite kuti anhu anerwe nge police apenoo tazwa kuti mapurisa apedze mvura yose nge ma teargas ose achiti hambai. Apa izwa Zita rebato hazi NERA. Anhu angoite mavhu nerubbish kuwanda kuzoringise looting yacho. Amwe arume waingoite drive left hand motikari apinde patight ngemapurisa paroadblock apo mupurisa paamise motikari avhunze munhu on the right side kuti aproduse driver's licence. Mupurisa adye rasha paaite see kuti driver haasiye ari kuleft, akavati vaifunge kuti akapusa so ngavaite return steering kuright side. Amwe asikana azoitwe arrested kuNSS aite sing Bvuma Wachembera mustadium muchiitwe inaguration yemukuru wenyika. Mapurisa ati kufarisa kwakadai has never happened before.....

Mapurisa ano dzidziswei ku Morris Depot?

Unotonzwa munhu achi complainer achoti police ikuita brutality. Wotoshaya kuti anofunga kuti 6 months ku trainning tinenge tichidzidza Hospitality and Catering here

Mvura 2017 - Ishwa ne mapurisa

Kukanaya kunobuda ishwa..
Zuva rikabuda kunobuda mapurisa