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tambidzanai ruoko

Mumwe murume anga ane an artificial hand akasvika parufu, pakubata maoko he removed his hand and said ingotambidzanai ikoko kusvika rwadzoka kuno....

pipe ye oxygen

l went to see my real friend ku hospital sezvo aisanzwa bhoo ,ndakasvikoona akaiswa pa oxygen hei hana yangu yakatanga kurova.ndakanomirawo paside pembhedha ,shamwari yangu yakabva yatora kapepa ne pen zvaainge apihwa kuti agonyorera zvaanenge achida sezvo anga asichagone kutaura ,akanyora ndokundipa ,asi ini wacho njere dzainge dzotorasika ndangoisa kapepa kaya muhomwe ndichiti hapana zvisvinu ndozonoverengera kumba. tichiripo shamwari yangu yakabva yafa 

tapedza kumuradzika ,sekuru vemufi vakazonditi ko kapepa kaya kainge kakanzi chii 

ndakakaburitsa semunhu aisaziva kuti kanei ndokuverenga pamwechete 

(kainge kakanzi):

"WAKATSIKA PIPE INOSUPLIER OXYGEN SHAA"

panouya vanhu kuzo bata maoko

Vamwe baba vakati vava kufa, vakati regai ndiraire mwana zvokuita parufu pachauya vanhu vachibata maoko.

Panouya mapostori, uvige sugar, 
Pachauya veAnglican uvige doro , 
Pachauya veMethodist uvige  nyama , 
Panouya maPentecost uvige mari, 
Panouya veEndtime (Gumbura) uvige amai vako.

Kuma kuva here kuno?

  • When Zimbabweans have money and minerals they keep it in Switzerland. 
  • When they are sick they go to South Africa or Malaysia. 
  • When buying mansions they visit Dubai or London. 
  • When shopping they go to China or Dubai. 
  • When on holiday they visit South Africa, America or London. 
  • When educating their children they select South Africa, Malaysia, Australia, UK or America. 
  • When praying they go to Lagos or Jerusalem, 

BUT when they die they all want to be BURIED in ZIMBABWE! 
Please could you ask them for me, is ZIMBABWE A CEMETERY?

the devil is a liar parufu

Mukadzi akanzi ape speech parufu rwe murume wake...akati...the devil is a LIAR !! Vanhu vese vakati AMEN !...akati...Satan atora murume wangu... BUT HE IS A LIAR MHANI. vanhu...vakati AMEN....
akati ..IN THE NAME OF JESUS,,,MANGWANA CHAIYE NDINENGE NDANE MUMWE....vanhu vakati ziiii

chinoz - aircon

A journalist ask cde chinoz: "do yu have any comments about the death of mandela. "
Chinoz: " oh yes yes. Africa has lost an aircon"

unodya ku kambani kwako

Mumwe mudhara wechiMalawi akanzi ataurire vanhu parufu kuti food yashota iko ndokuti- 
"Pamusoloi mazibaba, pamusoloi mazimai ali kumoto. Tipeiwo zewe zenyu kuno! Nyaya ilipano ndiyakuti chikafu chashota. Saka zichaitika ndezekuti:
  1. Isu Webheliya tichaja nenyama
  2. Hama zemudhuze mudhuze zichaja nakabichi
  3. Wekule kule, zishamwali, masawhila, muno mose munoja kuzimba zenyu.
  4. Ko driver weZUPCO alipo?
Driver: Ehe ndiripo!!!
Vely good. Unoja kukambani kwako!

muzukuru arovha kuchikoro

Ambuya varikudaidza muzukuru wavo: mzukuru hwanda mudzidzisi wako uyo arikuuya hauna kuenda kuchikoro.
Muzukuru: "Hwandai imimi! Ndanga ndatumira shoko rokuti mafa, saka kutouya kuzondibata maoko uku!"

Kuverengerwa tsamba

Mazuva andaishanda kuHowmine Gumede ndiye chete aigona kuverenga saka tsamba dzose dzaiuya ndiye aiverengera vanhu. 
Chakazonetsa Gumede aizoshaya hunhu pakuverenga tsamba kunyanya dzaive namashoko orufu aigona kungoti, "Chimuti mai vafa inda kumusha","Jairosi baba vafa inda kumusha,".
Vanhu vakazomunyeurira kuti aitewo hunhu pakuverenga tsamba. Chishanu chakasvika ndokubva averenga tsamba akabva ati, 'munhu wese anambuya kumusha ngaasimuke', gurusvusvu ravanhu rakabva rasimuka iye akati: "Mudavanhu gara hako pasi hauchina mbuya!!"

Chirwere chakaoma ichi

Paive panyaradzo apo mbatya dzeimwe pfambi dzaigovewa,yakange yafa neAIDS.Ambuya vaigova mbatya vakabva vaona G string ndokuti shuwa chirwere ichi chakaipa kubva chadya bhurugwa remuzukuru wangu kusiya tambo chete.

mbuya vachinamata parufu

Kwakaitika nhamo kwa Murambinda, zvikanzi zvino yave nguva ye body viewing tokumbirawo mbuya vanamate. Mbuya vakanamata vachiti, "God bless our food, amen." 
Vehukama vakabatikana

mukadzi wangu uchaita sei ndafa?

Murume:ko kana ndikafa unoita sei?
Mukadzi: Ndoroorwa nemumwe murume
Murume:ko pfuma yangu unoita sei nayo?
Mukadzi:ndodya nemurume anenge andiroora
nekuti anenge achitichengeta nevana
Murume:Ko suit nehembe dzangu unodii nadzo
Mukadzi:Ndodzitengesa
Murume:nemhaka yei?
Mukadz:nekuti mupfupi haadzikwane.

Gore rezvidzidzo - kuzviuraiwa

Izwi ra nhasi: 
KUZVIURAIWA.

A situation where some senior person is murdered but reported as suicide.

Ndoda ana mai vakafa

Mother: Nhai Joe mwanangu wave nemakore mangani?

Son: Ndaane 35 amai.
Mother : Saka kureva kuti hausati wave
nemskana waunoda kuroora here?

Son : Kwete amai ndinaye.

Mother : Kozvino chakumisa chiiko nhai
mwanangu iyezvino kubasa waporomotwa
tarisa makurire ezimba rino rawa kapiwa raunongogara wega. !

Son : Ndicharoora amai kana nguva yakwana.

Mother : Ndiri amai vako Joe nditaurire
chokwadi kana pane zvinonetsa tione zvekuita ?

Son : Chete amai musikana wangu ndomuda kuti ndiputse chitsidzo naye chekupinda
musvitsa tave ne15 yrs tichidanana hazviite.

Mother : Ah 15yrs saka arikuenda kuchikoro here?

Son : Kwete aakutosevenza asi kuti kubva ndichimu pfimba akati haadi kuroorwa
nemukomana ana amai vapenyu.

Hokoyo ne police

Shingi angaari mbavha, paakafa coffin rake rakaramba kudzika muguva.
Pastor ndokuita munamato zvikaramba pastor wechipiri, wechitatu zvakaramba
Shamwari yaShingi ndokuti Pastor regai ndikubatsirei, ndokufamba achienda paguva ndokusviko mira paguva achibvaati: 
"Shingi hokoyo nePOLICE!", coffin richibva ratanga kudzika. Wenyu munamato uchanzii?

Bikai nechingwa chabva Harare

Mumwe mkwasha akatema huni parufu akazoona veHarare vakungoiswa mberi pazvese kwakubura huni pamoto akati bikai nechingwa chabva harare huni dzangu ndatora

Pane muporofita amutsa vanhu ku mortuary kwaRusape

BREAKING NEWS
Pane muporofita amutsa vanhu 2 paRusape mortuary nhasi mangwanani. Thulani Dopito uyo ane makore 30 ekuberekwa amutsa Gilbert Banda 26 na Dorcus Munemo 20 avo vange vakarara nguva dzebasa. Vaviri ava masecurity guards pa mortuary iyi.

Rufu rwaComrade Castle

Va Pilsner mutauri mukuru we National Breweries vanokuzivisai nezverufu comrade Castle,comrade Castle vanofungidzirwa kuti vakadhonha kubva pa hwaro hwechitatu hwe deep freezer uko vainge vashanyira shamwari kadzi yavo Black label.

Vanwi vose muri kukokwa kuzoviga gamba iri kumarinda eBohlingers cemetery ne mugovera, mutumbi wa comrade Castle uchatakurwa mangwanani emusi we svondo uchiendwa nawo ku CHIBUKU chapel uko comrade Barrameda vachapa mashoko ekukumikidza mushakabvu comrade castle.

Mutumbi wa comrade Castle uchazotakurwa munguva dze tatu uchiendwa nawo ku Dry Boots cemetry uko uchanovigwa ne mauto uye doctor kachasu vachipa ruremekedzo rwe gamba.Comrade castle vasiya mudzimai Eagle lager nevana vaviri Chateu na Amarula

Chinoz - hanzvadzi yangu yafirwawo

Hanzi Chinoz aichema coz baba vake vaive vafa ndokubva afonerwa nehanzvadzi yake first born ye mumba mavo. Apedza kutaura, akabva awedzera kuchema. 
Ndakumuti ko chii zvakare, zvikanzi: "hanzvadzi yangu yafirwawo na baba futi".

Ndaka shanda makore mazhinju nemufi

Parufu chikafu chashomeka. Mutauri ndokuti " hama dzadiwa chikafu chedu chapera saka vachadya ihama dzapedyo" umwe mudhara ndokusimuka ndokuti " Ini ndiri umwe wevachadya sezvo ndakashanda nemufi kwe 14 years pasina kana kutukana" umwe ndokudhonzera mudhara pasi zvikanzi, "Iwe, mufi mwana anga ane  2yrs".

Muchengeti wenyama nedoro parufu

If yu think money is the only thing that changes step yemunhu then hamusati maona munhu ane key dzepanogara nyama nedoro parufu

  • Anoda kunanzvwa
  • Anoda kuomberwa
  • Ko iko kuzoda kuenda pakahwanda kuti atsvagwe