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Unobatika papi?

Muface: uri pa whatsapp?
Chimoko: aiwa
Muface: ko facebook?
Chimoko: aiwa
Muface: ko twitter hayo?
Chimoko: handipo
Muface: saka uri pai?
Chimoko: ndiri pa eco-cash

kucha naya hako asi...

Mamiriro ekunze:  Ve met department vanoti gore rino mvura iriko yakanaka  asi kukohwa  kuchava kushoma nokuti zvirimwa zvichashaya anosakura nenyaya yeWHATSAPP

whatsapp group admins

All WhatsApp Group Administrators are invited to a Meeting With Amai Grace Mugabe (PHD) in Mazowe

Zimbabwe 2014 Awards

End of year awards
  1. Disease of the year - Ebola
  2. Sabhuku of the year - Vharazipi
  3. Drink of the year - twizza
  4. Social network of the year - Whatsapp
  5. Prophet of the year - W Magaya
  6. Comedian of the year - Mdara Chinoz
  7. The Church with more graduates in karate - kumasowe kuye kwekurohwa police
  8. Harlot of the year - Bev
  9. The most powerful party - Zanu PF
  10. (9) Doctor of the year - Doctor Amai Grace Mugabe

ma results abuda...

ndirikubva kunotora maresults kuchikoro. Hazvina kumbomira mushe.

English. E

Maths. U

Accounts U

Facebook. B

Whatapp. A

Aunty Rhoda - kuonda

Dear Aunyt Rhoda:
Ndirikuda kuonda asi zvirikuramba. Ndaedza kudya maHealthy Foods, nekujogger asi zvirikuramba. Please help.                                                            

Reply from Aunt:
Tora phone yemurume wako uende kuwhatsapp messages. Unoswera waonda!

Gore rezvidzidzo - report book

Ndiri kubva kunotora report book renyu rezvidzidzo, haa harina kumbomira zvakanaka:

  • Maths 15%
  • Accounts 9%
  • Facebook 98%
  • English 15%
  • Biology 27% 
  • Makuhwa 100%   
  • Kunyeya 82%
  • Whatsapp 99%
  • Kunamata 1%
hanzi nateacher wenyu sungayi dzisimbe pachidzidzo chekupedzisira.

foni inoratidza hunhu hwako

Chingobata Phone yako then wobva waziva kuti wakamira papi

1. Blackberry = unoda zvinhu
2. Sony = unofarira kutora-tora maphotos
3.iPhone =unoda flambo
4. Nokia = wakaita swap n top
5. LG = wakango i pihwawo
6. Samsung = unetwunhu twako
7. Motorola = Old school
8. HTC =wakaitumirwa frm UK
9. ZTE/ECONET PHONES = wakasara
10. Dual sim = unotambura rough
11. Gtel= obviously hauende kubasa rinopfekwa tie
12. Huawei= waingodawo kupinda paWhatsapp

Type dzevanhu vepa whatsapp

Type dzevanhu vepa whatsapp:

1. Mr/s NYADZISAI. 
Ava havana chimwe chavanofunga kunze kwekutumira zvinyadzi. Kana vava kuda kutaura zvinemusoro vanotoita zvekufona chaiko. Shame !!!

2. Mr/s FOWARD.
Chese chasvika paari anotonzwa kuti dai angoforwader. Zvingava zvaMwari kana zvana Mai Nyadzisai anongofowarder chete. Makuhwa ndopamusha pawo ipapa. Zvakakuomerai veduwe.

3. SEKURU NAAMBUYA NDIONEI.
Kana vari ava iiii ndavatadza. Hameno akavanyebera kuti vakatsvuka kana kuti vakanaka ndiani. Basa kuchinja maprofle pic every day. Tinokuziva kuti ndiwe Mary , Simba, Chipo kana kuti Peter nyangwe pasina pic. kkk zvimwe unonyanya.

4. ZVICHEMO.
Kana ari uyu anotori neshavi chairo.Chese chaitika mulife yake anototi aise paStatus. Hee ndarambiwa, hee handina mari, Mwari vakukomborere, hee apa pangu ,ichi changu. Taneta nezvichemo zvako tinadzowo nhamo dzedu asi takanyarara.

4. DOCTOR IGNORE.
Ava ndikutofunga kudelater nhamba dzavo. Kuvamhoresa vari online havapindure . Kana watoita lucky i one word answer. Havafe vakatanga kuti ndeipi.

5.SEKAI. 
Uyu anotopenga chete. Mhinduro dzake ma kkkkkk chete even asati averenga anenge ato typer maK kudhara.

6.SHATRICIA.
Kkkk idzi ndidzo shasha dzekushata. Hapana kana zuva one raanomboisa pic rake . Nhasi Beyonce mangwana Rhiana .Sory

7. SHYLET.
Very shy nepawatsapp pese .Haafe akataura nyaya yake nekunyara. Basa kucommenta kuti nyc profile pic but iye achida kuti i luv u ..aaa unozviruza apa

8. MR/S RIGHT.
Muvangwarire ivava. Ukadanana naye a nogara akaisa pic rako paProfile kuti usaita dzungu. Isu tinenge tichitoudzwa kuti aaa mutwin brother wangu, hee ndiSekuru .ko ndozobvunzirei zvakawanda kana ndachansa ,ndogodyawo ndakanyarara. Ukapusa anokuvhara achidyisa munda wese nesu makudo asingatyi kusheya.kkkkk

9. MR CAREFUL. 
Ava vakatopenga .u never know kuti chii chirikuitika pavari. Haafe akaisa pic yelover yake parofl. They are somehow clever coz havangoise ise. Ko akakuisa nhasi mangwana morambana anozoita sei.? Anenge akutorambiwa zvichinzi kowawaimboisa aripi.

10. Mr/s ONLINE.
Ava havambotorara kana kugeza chaiko. Ndivo vakaimbiwa naNox always online.

Ma status epa whatsapp

MaWhatsapp status evamwe:
1)I love u but ndibatisise coz ndakawandirwa.
2)Game yachinja shiri yabvuta rekeni
3)Handifarise zvekukangira muyenzi nzungu dzembeu
4)Ukandivinga nebag redzungu unowana ndakakugarira nebhero remanyawi 
5)usandi taste nechigunwe senhanga
6)usandiitire dzungu sera  Pharaoh kuyambuka gungwa raasina kupatsanura
7)Dai huku yaiziva kuti inonaka yaifamba ichimodhela
8)Hatitambe tese kana ndaimbotamba newe huya utore magaba ako
9). Handichengete godo handisi cooler box 
10).gore rino munondionera padenga se tv yekubhawa

type dzevanhu pa whatsapp

  • Bete - vano bhowa kuona vachinzi typing...
  • Nhunzi  - vane noise havanyarari,  anoita morning katwo-two
  • Gonye -  ukaona a typer i nonsense chete, anovava, naturally sends boring texts dzisina respondent
  • Kamba - ava ndovanoseka joke yaZuro,, nhasi senyowani,,,, type dziya dzino forwarder nyaya yeLast year
  • Nguruve - ava ndovaya vema 'kkkkk' havana zvavanonyora zvine msoro
  • Gonzo - ava ndovasingadi kuti vamwe vafadze pagroup, vanoisa joke yavo, yevamwe isati yasekwa
  • Murondatsimba - ava vanomirira kuti vamwe vaComente ivo vozongoita saizvozvo, ndo vana Amen
  • Datya - ava vanobhowa vano texter kamwe pamwedzi

Michero pa whatsapp

One day, fruits wr playin a game on watsapp...

GRAPE: i look like e human eye

MANGO: i look like a human heart

BEANS: i look like a human kidney

MANGO: kkk. Iwe Bhinzi usanyepere kuzungaira

BANANA: 👀

BEANS: Banana uriwe ibva wati zii hako

   Dohwe left group

WhatsApp status dzinopedza simba

Dzimwe whatsapp statuse dzino pedza power:

  • ‪‎Some‬ pple are alive coz its illegal to kill them
  • ‪‎Tohurova‬ isusu nherera, vane vabereki vachiendesa mbeu kumusha
  • ‪‎Nzwisisika‬ zvauri not kuita kunge cabbage panhamo muriwo ...... pamuchato isalad
  • ‎Handichengete‬ godo, handizi cooler box.
  • Some people are like clouds,if they go away its a beautiful day.
  • ‪‎Vanorwadziwa‬ neni miviri iri sei nhasi?
  • ‎Game‬ rachinja shiri yabvuta rhekeni.
  • ‎Muchandinzwira‬ kure seMazoe adilutwa nastepmother.
  • ‎Dai‬ kunyengerera iri subject ndingadai ndine U.
  • ‎Handitarisire‬ kudiwa nemunhu wese coz handisi mari ini!
  • ‎Usavawona‬ kupfeka majuzi nekunopisa ndini ndavapinza chando.
  • ‪‎If‬ u study me u wont graduate.
  • ‪‎I‬ need an accountant to help me count my blessings.
  • ‪‎Uchati‬ wandigona wandigonera sekuwidzira datya mumvura.
  • ‎Ndine‬ manyemwe kunge mwana wesmall house.
  • Hey‬ there! WhatsApp is using me!
  • Vanorwadziwa nesu ana mhofu, ariseyi marwadzo?
  • Some friends are made in China.
  • ‎Gore‬ rino mondionera mudenga se TV yemubhawa.
  • ‪‎Mapostori‬ akazhaka mapurisa vese vakatizira kutraffic.
  • ‎Urikurwadziwa‬ neni? Manje haupore.
  • Usandiitire‬ dzungu seraPharaoh aida kuyambuka gungwa raasina kupatsanura.
  • ‎Uchazoona‬ kukosha kwechikorobho warasa mvura iweka hauteereri!
  • ‪‎Musaite‬ sehuku inoiti iri mhenyu inonzi 'undressed' kana yaundurwa yonzi 'dressed'.
  • Work‬ till your bank account looks like a phone number.
  • Vamwe‬ muchikwidza venyu vabereki BP isu vedu tinokwidza ndege....
  • ‎Ndinoita‬ sevhiri risina mweya handina kana pressure.
  • ‎MTN‬ Muromo Tsemu Nekuseka!
  • ‎Mwari‬ sipo iya yamakanditumira iri kushanda vanhu vaye vari kuwacha.
  • ‪Minding‬ your own business is a full time job, stay employed.
  • Hatitambe tese, kana taimbotamba tese huya utore magaba ako.
  • Pamaitumwa kunodzora mombe ,ini ndaitumwa kunodzora volume.
  • Mawara anenge ejuzi rakadhamba maoko kuda kutangira vatenzi kugeza.
  • Handina monya mberi kwangu, chero ukandivinga wakabvisa shirt uchida kundiratidza SIX PACK ini ndokuratidza CRATE.
  • Kurasa chawakabata nekuda kuombera.
  • Usanyepera kupenga nekuda kukwira kombie mahara, tokurova.
  • Ikaticker yaonekwa. #WhatsApp haina remove.
  • God is really creative, I mean just look at me.
  • Kudya damba raputsirwa pahuyo unorariro verenga nyeredzi.

Sisi vebasa pa whatsapp profile picture

Amai vakachinja profile pic kubvisa yababa kwakuisa ya pastor. 
Baba: ko chave chii zve pa pro pic?
Amai: ndawona kuti pastor vanotinamatira misi nenguva mazuva ose saka ndati ndivaisei paprof pic apa..
Baba ndokuti zvakanaka. Baba vachibva vachinjawo ndokuisa remusikana webasa (house girl). Amai vachinodai pa App yababa wanikwe pa prof pic pave na sisi. 
Amai: zvaita sei chii chandirikuona ichi?
Baba: ndawona kuti sisi vanotiira zvose, kubika, kuwacha zvese nekuchengeta vana isu tirikubasa. ndawona zvirinani ndimbovaisa paprofile pic pangu

No joy kana sisi vebasa vasipo

Mama vachibvunza sisi: Ko iwe wakazongoenda kuweekend usina kutaura?
Maid: Ah mama, inga ndaka updater status wani pafacebook kuti "Going kumusha for the weekend,will be back on Monday. Murume wenyu akato comenta kuti 'Safe journey, will miss you so much, no joy kana usipo!'"

Bonus revanhu vano farira whatsapp

Ndaona payslip yangu yakanzi bonus 100MB data, pandabvunza zvakanzi takaona kuti munenge munokoshesa whatsapp kupfura basa renyu! Ayas ende ndarwadziwa!

Kwaziso (sedzepa radio radio zimbabwe) pa whatsapp

Kwaziso yangu:
Chekutanga ndoda kukwazisa maElders ose ari muno kuteedzana nehukuru hwenyu kusvika kumudiki anotyper nekusender msge mugrup.
Ndichiuya kuma admin ano adder neku remover vanhu mugroup
Kuchitevera avo vano sender ma jokes nevanovatsigira kusvika kune vekupedzisira vanongoti "Kkkkkk"
Ndisingakanganwiwo vaye nekushoropodza vamwe vekungoti hezvo umm aaa iii haaa kusvika kumudiki anokanda twuma face
Ndisingakanganwe vaya vanoita basa rekuverenga vasingataure mugroup.
Ndichiti ndinokudai mose hama dzangu. 
Dai musipo group rakafa kare!

Ndiyani anokuti 'Beautiful' pakati peusiku iyeye?

Veduwe zviri mudzimba zvakaoma. Mukadzi nemurume vakarara fon yemukadzi iri pacharge. Time yava around 0000hrs murume akamuka anzwa fon yemukadzi ichirira kamwe kasound. Paakaitarisa akamutsa mukadzi. Murume ndokut kumukadzi wake;" Ndianiko anokutumira message yekuti BEAUTIFUL pakati peusiku kudai"? Mukadzi akabva apindura murume wake nehasha zvikanzi,"Kana musingachaoni endai mundoparwa maziso baba, pakanzi BEAUTIFUL here apa kana kut pakanzi BATTERY FULL?"

Mushakabvu akabva amuka

Pazvakangonzi phone yemufi ngaipihwe mukadzi, ipapo mushakabvu akabva amuka

Ma symptoms eEbola nekubatirwa foni

Masymptoms eEbola akafanana nezvinoitika kana murume akabatirwa fone nemukadzi:
  • Kudikitira
  • Nyoka kurira mudumbu
  • daerhea
  • Kubvunda
  • Nekuona tunyeredzi uye kupera simba

Roora repa whatsapp

With the advancement of technology things are going to change. Very soon there will be no need for people to gather kana munhu achiroorwa. Simply create a group on WhatsApp " Kuroorwa kwaChipo" Admin Tezvara and Munyayi. Pachingo rohwa ma Ecocash transactions. Matekenyandebvu $100. Mukwasha typing...... yawandisa ndine $10. Tezvara typing.......kkkkkkkk ita serious. Ambhuya varamwa. Ambhuya Left.....

type dzevanhu vari muma whatsapp groups

Did u knw kut every group has these characters:

1. Bete- vano bhowa kuona vachinzi typing...

2. Nhunzi - vane noise havanyarari... Anoita morning ka2  2 

3. Gonye - ukaona a typer i nonsense chete!!! Anovava.... naturaly sends boring texts dzisina respondent

4. Kamba- ava ndovanoseka joke yanezuro makseni, nhasi senyowani... type dziya dzino forwarder nyaya yeLast week or last year okumbira kut ndipei sando dzangu

5. Nguruve- ava ndovaya vema 'kkkkk' havana zvavanonyora zvine msoro

6. Gonzo- ava ndovasingadi kuti vamwe vafadze pagroup.... Vanoisa joke yavo yevamwe isati yasekwa

7. Murondatsimba- ava vanomirira kuti vamwe vaComente ivo vozongoita saizvozvo..... Ndoo vana Amen

8. Datya - ava vanobhowa vano texter kamwe pamwedzi. Last seen yacho inenge iri yelast week

9. Dzvinyu  - Ava vakadhinihwa manje. 2 mins vabuda mugroup 2 later vakumbira kudzoka. Vakadzoswa vanongosviko mhoresa vanhu mozoona iya vabuda futi.

10. Svosve  Ava maP. H. D (Permanent Home Dweller) vanogara pagroup. Always Online hapana chinomupotsa ende apana chaasinga comente

Iwe uri papi apa?????

Kufa kuri nani

Wife: sweetheart,ndiurairewo shumba. 
Husband: umm bby wandiomesera wadii wati ndiite chimwe chirinani. 
Wife: horaiti,ndipewo foni yako ndiverenge ma whats app messages ako. 
Husband: ahhh ndiratidze hako kuneshumba ndiuraye

Hausiwo pa facebook kana whatsapp?

Baby: handina mari yekuti tinyatso taura pafoni. Hausi ku facebook, twitter kana  whatsapp here?
TANYA : Aehwa... ndiri kuMasvingo ini!

RIP paWhatsapp status

Rimwe baby rakanzi nemufesi kuti ndizive kuti unondida ende ndini ndega put me on your profile.APA Zvipande hombo kuchimoko rikati zano huya pano,ndokuisa mufesi paprofilr status ndokunyora R.I.P Zvipande zvichiona zvakabvunza baby ndiani wako afa uyo iye ndokupindura ,sekuru mwana wehazvadzi yamai mari dzechema dzakapinda naiyo Ecocash yakauya iyi.Mufesi achizoona akati ko baby ndoipi yawaita iyi RIP zvikanzi nebaby take it easy swty RIP stands for RELATIONSHIP IN PROGRESS

Inopinda chete

Wakarara ne musana - inopinda
Wakarara ne dumbu - inopinda
Wakarara ne side - inopinda
Wakamira - inopinda
Wakakotama - inopinda
Nyangwe uchigeza - inopinda
Mangwanani - inopinda
Masikati - inopinda
Manheru - inopinda
Nyangwe pa weekend - inopinda
aah ini ndaneta nayo whatsapp yakati kuuya iyi!! ma msg haamiri kupinda!!

Rudo here kuti vanhu vageze vose

Ukanzwa murume achidaidza mudzimai kuti vageze vose everytime usafunga kuti rudo rwakanyanyisa. Kwete bodo, kutya kuti foni inosara ikavhurwa kana kufonerwa nesmallhouse 

Mitemo yemuma WhatsApp groups

Mitemo mishoma yemuGroup.

1.. kupedza zuva usina kumbotaura imhosva inoripwa neHuku.
2..kupedza svondo wakati zii..mbudzi
3..kungoti kkkkk. Wonyarara ..Hanga
5..kusamhoresa vamwe nemazita kungoti eeh hama ukoo.. airtym.
6..kusambotaura zvamuchose.. mombe inotsika
7..Kusamhoresa admin..chihuta nezai racho

Tsamba kuna admin

Dear Admin
ndarwara ndirikuno kuhospital ma nurse anga aronga kut ndipihwe mubhedha saka ndazovati mubhedha ndinawo ndipei zvenyu wardrope. Saka zvinenge zvaita ndirikunzwa varikungotaura izvozvi hanzi ward ward kudii woye, kureva kuti iwardrop yavarikutaura nezvayo ndofunga. mozonditumirawo chingoro chekuitakurisa

Masasi ekupenga: madam vakango nyarara

Madam vangu vakangonyarara handisikuziva kuti vambobata fon yangu here kana kuti vari kurwara 

Masasi ekupenga - kupinda mu group ne link

Vasikana vanotizira vakangofanana nevanhu vanopinda mu group ne link, unongouya chero usingadiwe

ndofira munhu wehuchi

Ndasongana nevamwe mai vachitengesa huchi $3 kagaba . Ndatenga 1 chete asi semunhu anga achida hwakawanda ndabva ndati ndipei phone dzenyu kuitira kuti ndawana mari ndovafonera. Ndadzisaver mufoni kuti Honey . Nditori muchipatara so muviri wose wagochwa ... 

Tendaiwo asikana

Janet: Varume vose imbwa!
Veronica‬: Kana wako ari imbwa havirevi Kuti vose imbwa my sister. Ini wangu is a two headed snake who is unashamful and conniving.a dirty pig asina hunhu. Better wako imbwa chete. learn to appreciate asikana