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Kabila in Zim - Simon??

Kabila had gone to Zimbabwe and upon arrival he met Bob and Dr Muzenda so Kabila greeted Bob then when he got to muz he said whats your name and Muz said don't you remember me I'm all over the news in America. Then Bill said tell me your name again then Muz said
Simon ,Kabila then recalled and said oh you are Simon chopper Chimbetu

Nandos here, nhai va Muzenda

Every Knows that ZN's symbol is a cockrell so Mze was at The HQ in Harare where there was one of their so called rallies.So when it was Mze's turn to give a speech, he uttered these words:
"HERE WE ARE GATHERED AT NANDOS""

Ndadya rofu

It is said that Mze was very happy to meet Bob at a certain meeting achida kumuvhairira.Mze ended up saying i-i Bob nhasi ndadya rofu rese rechingwa. In response Bob said hazvinzi rofu ba asi loaf. Zvikanzi na Muze haiwawo ndikakuti Lobert unofara here ipapo.

65% cotton, made in China

Bob: Chionaka Muzee, iwe semutevedzeri wangu ndiwe uchapa speech yekuonekedzena naVaNkomo kuHeroes Acre mangwana, saka please ofanogadzirira zvauchataura.

Muzee:  But shaz wandiisa pa'tight' becoz unongozivawo kuti chirungu chinondivhara zvakaipa, hazvingaite here kuti iwe undinyorere speech yacho ndozoverenga but handisikuda kuti vanhu vaone kuti ndiri kuverenga speech yacho, saka ndopaita sei ipapo?

Bob :Mayaz, iyoyo haishupe unongoisa pepa racho muhat mako, kana tasvika paguva obvisa hat woibata up-side-down kuti uverenge speech yako iri muhat imomo, pakadii apo?

Muzee: Ndoosaka ndichikuda mhani, unofunga mudhara!

NEXT DAY KuHeroes Acre:
Speech iya yanga yaiswa mu hat yadonha but blazo havana kuzviona, changosara muhat i'tag' iya inenge yakanyorwa  detail re hat yacho. Fortunately vanga va'krema' first sentence, and
this is how he goes:
"Mr Nkomo was..... (he looks down into the hat) 65% cotton, 35% Polyester, One size fits all and Do not dry clean. Made in China.
Thank you!!!"

Ndoidawo Memorial Service

Nkomo zvaakafa bob akadaidza mzee zvikanzi we are going to have a memorial service for the late. Haaa, mzee zvakabva zvamugumbura ndokubva atoshatirwa. Zuva re memorial manje bob zvakabva zvamunetsa ndokubvunza mutevedzeri wake kuti chii changa chichimudya. 

Mzee ndokubva ati, "Ini ndiri vice wo sa Nkomo, ini ndinogara ndichiita basa rangu rese nomazvo, and I am obedient. Kasi iwe bob waona zvakakodzera kuti uitire munhu uyu afa memorial service usati wandiitira yangu nhai?"

Baba Ngida nemhuri yavo

VaMze vachi introducer President Tijani Babanginda nemhuri yavo, kuna
Mai Mze,

Va Mzee : Mai Mwana ava ndivo Baba Ngida, ava ndiMai Ngida (to the
wife),(to the son) aka ndiko ka Ngida kacho!!

Watakurirei door?

Kwahi babaChatunga na Nyongolo naMzee vaifamba nemota vachibva vaita accident
saka hapana akakuvara vachibva vagaya yekurova road nenyawezi coz anga ari
manheru mota dzaifamba dzanga dzisingamire vaifunga kuti machinda three aya
matsola saka vasati vabva pavhuzhi babaChatunga vakagurunura radiator dzikati,
"ngativhaye",Nyongolo dzakabva dzati chimbomirai dzichibva dzabvisa seat,Mzee
dzichibva dzakwachura door vachibva varova road,Mzee dzanga dziri confused (as
usual) dzibva dzabvunza babaChatunga kuti sei dzatakura radiator, zvikanzi
nababaChatunga," ndaitira kuti time time vhati inenge yakula ndozorova kana
ndava nenyota", zvikanzi," ko Nyongolo watorerei seat?", dzichibva dzapindura
dzichiti," semunhu mukobvu ndinokurumidza kuneta saka ndichapota ndichimbogara
paseat", machinda two aya akabva abvunza Mzee kuti," koiwe urikungobvunza sei
watora gonhi ?", zvikahi naMzee ,"ndaitira kuti kana kwavakupisa ndozooovhura
window".

Ku luza weight

hanzi one day bob, nyongolo na muzee vakaenda kuna dr hitler zvikanzi "dr tinoda kuluza weight pliz tipeiwo zano", dr hitler vakati, "iyi hainetse vakomana imi mhanyai 30km everyday for 30 days and everything will be ok." after 30days dziya bob aka fonera hitler akati "thank you very much doctor i have lost weight and i'm now fit and feel young." nyongolo akafonawo achitendawo achiti aive aluza 40kg's. muzee akazofaona achiti "ndinokutendai chaizvo doctor nezano renyu vadzimayi vangu varikufara nemachinjiro andaita, kana mabhebhi ari  ungondisekerera." dr hitler vakati "aiwa muchitendeiko shefu?" 
muzee akabva ati "asi ndine problem imwe doctor, i'm now 3000km away from home."

Muzenda - "tion"

Hanzi panga pana Bob, Chidzero naMuzenda, vakakwira zvavo mubenz vachienda
kumeeting. Saka vakange vasina zvekuita, Bob dzakati ngatimborodze pfungwa.
Lets make sentences with words that end in "tion".

Bob dzakati, I think I am going to have a talk with the minister of
transportaTION. Chidzero dzakati, with a possibility of a drought, farmers
are going to need irrigaTION. Muzenda dzakakwenya musoro dzati, my wife
likes to do WASHENI.

Muzenda - Mazita ema bhebhi

bob nyongolo and mze had just finished a brief meeting on general problems facing the  country.zvikanzi naBob ngatimboitai majokes to relieve this stress. they decided to play a game where they had to mention ladies' names that started with the letter "s".
Bob said Sally, Nyongolo said Sakhile. Mzedzikazoti "inini ndinongoziva Esinati chete.

Muzenda, nguva yehondo

kanyongolo, Bob naMze vakanga vakahwanda kuseri kwemabhini munguva yehondo. Mabhunu akadarika nepavaive vakahwanda Mze akabva agumha bin. Mabhunu ndokubva akutarisa kuti chii chkange chadaro. Kanyongolo naBob ndobva vati mew! mew! mabhunu akabva afunga kuti ikatsi ndobva vaenda. Vasati vasvika kure Mze akagumha bin riya zvakare. Mabhunu akadzokazve Mze akati "its the other cat"

Zeve zeve nema bino

Bob, Mze, Grace na Maud vakaenda kuNetherlands kumusangano. Panguva yekudya Madzimai ainge ari downstairs varume vari upstairs. Bob akatora microphone ndokudaidza Grace kuti auye kuzodya. Mze ndokutora mabinoculars ndokubva aona Moud ave pedyo ndokubva anangisa nzeve akati Mai Muzenda chiuyai mudye achi zevezera

vaMuzenda Y2K Compliance

Paive naBob, Morgan nasekuru Muzenda apo vakada kutestana ruzivo. Kedu Bob nukungwarisa ndiko kakatanga kubvunza Morgan. "Can you tell at least one thing that is Y2K compliant??" "Of course, the other day i was talking to my bank manager and he reassurred me that the bank's computers were Y2K compliant as such there weren't gonna be problems in the new century" Bob nodded approvingly obviosly impressed by Morgan's knowledge. "obviosly you have done a lot of research on this, well i dont have to ask somebody i can tell you now that our government computers are indeed compliant i was there when the Microsoft guys did the tests." 
It was now Muzenda's turn. He turned to Morgan and asked, "Iwe Morgan Y2K
(waitukei) Mugabe parally yenyu ye MDC?"

On what grounds?

Reuben Barwe interviewing Cde Muzenda:

Barwe: "On what grounds do you want to arrest Tsvangson?"

Cde Muze: "I don't care any ground will do, whether it is Rufaro, Barbourfields or National Sports any ground will do."

Mzee mu toilet

Our very own vice pres Muzenda went to the Americas for the first time and needed
to relieve himself so he was shown where the loo was.On entering he saw a reflection of himself on the mirror and said "sorry ndanga ndichifunga kuti hamuna munhu".

Kuvhura kwavaMuzenda Jeri rekwaGutu

Pa official opening yejeri rakanga ravakwa kwaGutu naMzee, akasimuka ndokupa speach yake akati, "Vanhu vangu tarisai ndakuvakirai JERI rakakura kudai, ndoda murishandise nemazvo riite fully utilised.
Zvamurimi ndigozonzwa kunzi razara nevanhu vanobva Bulawayo, Mutare, Harare etc IMI muripo. Ijeri renyu iri, ndavakira imi kwete vamwe vanhu, Ndizvoka ????? "