Find by tag

Chisikana chidofo dofo

Chimwe chisikana chidofo dofo, changa chakazvipengera nekunaka, chaka wana 5 out of 100 pasvomhu!!

Murairidzi, uyo aiva munhurume, ndokunyora mubhuku kuti "SEE ME!!" achiti achibatsire. Asi chisikana chiya chakatofunga hacho zverudo, ndokunyorawo reply mubhuku imomo chichiti: 

"Hapana muuyu unovinga shiri!!! Iwe huya undione.... Kana uri serious nezvangu!!"

Singular ne ma plurals...

kwai isu takadzidza stereki. pataive kuchikoro taita ma singular ne ma plurals.
kwai ticha akatiudza kuti Tom munhu mumwe uye Thomas vanhu vaviri.

Dhirowai chitima ne mota

Teacher akaudza vana kuti va drawe chitima ne mota ..mumwe mfana akange akaoma musoro aka drawer njanji neimba ..pakabvunzwa na teacher ....zvikanzi manonoka kuuya chitima chapfuura kudhara ndokusaka pane njanji ...zvikanzi ko imab yabva nepi ,,kakati mota yacho iri kuseri kwemba.

baba vako vanofarirei

Teacher : Tiudzei kuti vanababa venyu vanofarirei zvekudya:

Pupil 1 : Vangu vanowanzoda mazondo.
Pupil 2 : Ini vangu vanoda madora.
Pupil 3 : Vangu makenduru.
Teacher : Ah!! Makenduru? Nei
Pupil 3 : Kana vorara manheru ega egavanoti kunaamai chidzima kenduru ndidye.

Ndiyani wa drawa magaro pa board?

Ticha watsva pachikoro vakadrawer human heart paboard kwakubvunza vana kuti chii?. Vana wese waingoti magaro. Ticha nehasha akamhanya kwaheadmaster kwakusvikomuudza kt vana varikumudheerera. Head haana kubvunza zvakawanda. Vakabva vaenda vese kuclass zvikanzi nahead ko imi vana sei muchidheerera madam imi. Vana vakati hatina kumbowadheerera. Nehasha zvikanzi nahead kana musiri kudheerera saka adrawer magaro paboard apo ndiani??

tonde na nhamo

Tonde aigara panext naNhamo muclass. Tonde aikopa Nhamo kusvikira pakukopa nezita chairo. Nhamo akazoudza Tonde kuti asakopa zita instead aise zita rake panenge pakanzi Nhamo . 
Muraiidzi akazoshamiswa netsumo dzaiti :
  1. Rugare tange tonde.
  2. Kuseka tonde kunge rugare.
  3. Tonde itonde zvayo amai havaroodzwe.
  4. Tonde yeumwe hairambirwi sadza.

muzukuru arovha kuchikoro

Ambuya varikudaidza muzukuru wavo: mzukuru hwanda mudzidzisi wako uyo arikuuya hauna kuenda kuchikoro.
Muzukuru: "Hwandai imimi! Ndanga ndatumira shoko rokuti mafa, saka kutouya kuzondibata maoko uku!"

kusheedzwa kwe register

Kubva tiri mafomu 1 mateacher edu aisheedza register achitanga nesurname e.g Peter Gomo ainzi Gomo Peter. Zvakazopera tamu form 3 pakauya mumwe mface ainzi Admire Jendera

Baba vangu imbavha, mai vangu...

Mudzidzisi akabvunza vana vose mumwe nemumwe mabasa evabereki vavo kamwe kakataura: "baba vangu imbavha ,mai vangu ihure..."

Teacher vakatsamwa ndokuendesa mwana kwaheadmaster. Mushure mwana akadzoka achidya apple teacher ndokubvunza: "wanzi kudii nahead?" 

Kakapindura: "hapana vandipa apple vakatora number dzamai vangu chete..."

Omo ne Surf zvinoburitsa furo here

Mwana muClass:

"Sir, ko tika mixer Omo ne Surf washing powder panobuda furo here?

Teacher: "Yes panobuda furo, handidi zvikubvunzwa zvisina basa makuseni so mhani"

Mwana achizevezera munzveve yeClassmate yake: "What a stupid answer panoita furo cei isu tisati taisa mvura UMMMM TICHAFOIRA GORE RINO"

Ndapfinyira mubhutsu

Ku creche kwandinoshanda kunekamwana kainzi Vicky. 👼Ende kari cute futi kari sweet. Nezuro toda kuchaisa ndakakawana kachifirira kupfeka maboots ako.👢 Ndakasvika ndokukabatsira. Veduwe raiva basa maBoots aiita semadiki nemaSize 2 chaiwo. Ndakaita 5minutes chaidzo. Ndapedza ndoti rega ndiende zvikanzi naVicky,'Teacher' mandipfekedza banana.🍌'nditarisewo ndione zveshuwa ndapfekedza mwana banana. 😱 Hapaya pakunobvisa maboots aya. Dzakaita 3minutes dzekukurura bhutsu chete. Ndakazokunda ndokukapfekedza zvakanaka - zvenharo zviya zvekutanga zvakare,,, Ndapedza ndonzwa koti zve,'Teacher ', maboots aya haasi angu!' Ndakamerera nehasha asi semunhu anoshanda nevana ndakaita moyo murefu ndokukakumura maboots aye. Ndapedza ndikabvunza kuti ko ako aripi nhai Vicky. Zvikanzi, angu maboots asara kumba. Aya ndakaasiirwa nesister yangu, ndamapfekedzwa namama. Ndaka bvunda nehasha. Asi basa rangu ndinoita nemazvo. Takapfekedzana maboots aye zvekare. Ndapedza zvikanzi na Vicky,' ko masocks acho?' Apa ndakashaya kuti ndoseka here kana kuchema.😡 Zvinyoronyoro ndakabvunza kuti ko masocks acho arikupi. Shasha ndokutanga kuseka zvayo "yakanditarisa zvikanzi,' 'NDAMAPFINYIRA MUKATI MEMABOOTS ANGU!'

Dofo re svomhu

Dzaingondinetsa Maths zvaizivikanwa nemunhu wese, Ndaitoti kana ndazama chaizvo ndinenge ndawana 20%. Ndaiwanzowanikwa ndirimuvanhu 4 vekupedzisira pamatest ese. 

Rimwe zuva takanyora test tapedza teacher ndokumaker ndokupedza. Vakazoti zvino akudeedzera munhu nemark yake apa vaifarira kudeedzera vachitanga nepasi kureva kuti anenge afoirisa ndiye aitangwa. Vakadedzera teacher 4%kusvika pa 10% zita rangu musi iwoyo palast four harina kuwanikwa vanhu vakatanga kungonditarisatarisa.

Vakadeedzera kusvika ku20 % handipo wena vaku50% rangu risati radanwa shamwari yangu
yandaigara nayo yakatanga kundirovarova musana kuratidza kuti nhasi wakwapura wena.

Teacher vakuma90% class yese ndobva yanditarisa ini hana yangu ichingoti bha bha ndobva ndanatsozembera chair yangu ndakagadzirira zvino kuchivaratidza  kuti handina  kuchipa musandijairire 95% harisati radanwa wena zvino teacher vasara nebepa one mumaoko ndakabva ndatanga kupfinyira pfinyira shirt yangu kuti sa highest ndinatsotora bepa rangu
nestep yechigentleman. 

Ndakabva ndanzwa teacher voti panebenzi risina kunyora zita pabepa iri ngariuye ritore bepa raro rine 2%

Ndiani aridza tsamwa

Teacher says kuvana, 'anenge atanga kupindura mubvunzo wangu correct anobva aenda kumba, '
jojo dofo achibva aridza tsamwa zvikanzi na ticha Ndiani aridza tsamwa, zvikanzi na Jojo, ndini, bye bye ndaenda ini....

Sentence ina shuga

Teacher: Simba ndipewo sentence ine izwi rekuti 'sugar'. 
Simba : amai vakunwa tea. 
Teacher: saka izwi rekuti 'sugar riripapi apa?. 
Simba: muTea imomo mune sugar

zvigumwe eleven

Jonso ndiye aiva mface muhombe muform 3c apa aichena achidiwa nema bhebhi but gwazhi manga musina. Rimwe zuva akazopfimba chibabe chaidiwa nateacher vemaths chimunewcomer. Teacher vakagaya kuwachisa Jonso muleson. 
Teacher: "Jonso 5+5 answer ndiyani ?". Kuti averenge zvigumwe achionekwa Jonso akatya kumakisa.  Kwaakuisa maoko muhomwe ndokuverengera. 
With confidence Jonso dzakazodaidzira " Answer ndi 11 sir."

chinoz - marudzi ema kiss

Teacher - ndiani angatipewo marudzi ekiss amunoziva? 
Caleb - deep kiss, 
Gift - french kiss, 
Chinoz - kiss dhondoro. 
Teacher - chii????? 
Chinoz - sorry, kiss musi

Chinoz - tangai nezvidiki

Mwana waChinos fails to spell e word COW.
Teacher meets e parent n let him know..
Chinos respond ... "mungadaiwo mamutanga nezvidiki like mosquitoes not a cow"
Igore rezvidzidzo nhai...

Flag ye Zimbabwe

Teacher: ko black colour iri paflag yedu yeZimbabwe yakamirirei?
Mwana: Load shedding

Huya pano ne chiNdebele

Teacher: ndiani anogona ndebele munomu?
Kid: ini ndokiya kiya
Teacher: ko kana uchida kuti kumuhu huyapano unoti chiii?
Kid: buya lapa
Teacher: ok .kokana wakuda kuti adzokere kwaabva unotichii?
Kid: azvinetsi ndongoenda kwaabva ndoti buya lapa futi

Zvinhu zvese zvongo kwira

Mudzidzisi akabvunza vana kuti 1+1 = chii?
Umwe mwana ndokusimuka akati 1+1=4, umwe mudhara aitopfuura achibva kunobhadharirara vana fees ndokuzvinzwa. 

Mudhara uya akabva adzungudza musoro akati "Nzara
ichatiuraya muno munyika! Zvinhu zvichingokwira kudai, kubva ku transport, peturo, zvikafu kana iyo 1+1 yaimbova 2 ikozvino yatokwira yava 4"

Handeyi hedu tinogeza mazino

Teacher: "Kana wakagara uchitaura nemunhu arikunhuwa mukanwa, unogona hako kumuudza uchiti chii?"
John : "aargh pano parikubhohwa handei hedu tinogeza mazino"

Dhimoni ra Civil Servant

Vedare ndibatsireiwo, kave kepiri zvichiitika pa kirawa rangu ndichishandira vanhu. Rakamuka dhumoni ndiye kikiri-kikiri aah batai batai maziso tuzu sea EYE WITNESS.
Muporofita: Unodei pamunhu waMwari??
Dhimoni:  Ziii.
Muporofita: Ndati ndiwe ani???
Dhimoni: Ndini.
MuporofitaAni???
Dhimoni: Mu civil servant.
Muporofita: Uri kudei ???
Dhimoni: Ndoda bonus rangu.
Muporofita: Kuna ani, iwe nyatsotaura uri  kurida kunaani chaizvo???
Dhimoni: Aaah kana pasina ndave kuenda asi 2017 mukazviita ndodzoka zvakare.
Muporofita: Nezita raJesu enda kune akakunyima bonus.

chinoz - chicken cuts

Teacher :ndiani angatipewo 2 types dzefood dzekuti tikadzisanganisa tinoburitsa 1type of food. 
Chinoz : chicken ne katsi. Zvinoti buritsira ma chicken cuts.

Munhu asingamwi doro idhongi

Mudzidzisi wakaisa mabuckets two, redoro neremvura. Akabva atinha dongi. Dongi rakasvika pabucket redoro ndokudarika, ndokuenda paneremvura ndokunwa.
Mudzidzisi akabva abvunza vana kuti vakanga vazidzei.
John: "Ini  ndadzidza kut wese asinganwi doro idhongi!"

Hwindi aona teacher wake

Hwindi akaona teacher wake achipfuura iye achidaidzira budiriro budiriro pamarket square ndokuti teacher teacher noise yamaindirovera muclass yakundi raramisa nhasi

svomhu: 5 anopinda kangani muna 20

Teacher : Temba, 5 anopinda kangani muna 20?
Temba: kunoitei? 
Teacher: i maths, weka tione 
Temba: kana muchinakidza,anogona kupinda kana ka 10, asi kana muchibhowa anopinda ka 1

Vana vamazuva ano matofo!

Teacher: what does HIV stands for
Boy : Holiday in Victoria falls
Teacher ( angry): u kidz are stupid.last week wakati mwana wemvuu imvana now u keep repeating ur stupidity and iwewe Fatso I asked u nicely, what's the baby lizard is and yu said lizzy
Cythia ukutoseka hako. That day ndakakubvunza kuti fish inobvepi ukati mugaba. I give up manje.
Tsitsi ndipindure, nyika inogadzira makombi inonzi chii ?
Tsitsi : combination
Teacher: benzi ! Tonde vataurire zvako
Tonde : tsikombi
Teacher:- Simba ndipewo sentence ine word 'sugar'.
Simba:- Amai varikunwa tea.
Teacher:- Saka izwi rekuti 'sugar' riripapi apa?.
Simba:- Mu tea imomo

Maticha haazivi zvaanoda!

Mateacher makanzi pfekai mauniform mukaramba. Hezvo nhasi hurumende yoti irikutanga kubhadhara mauniformed forces imi mochema. Saka munodei chaizvo?

vasikana musasvora ma teacher

Askana musashore munhu kana asati aane mari muchiti moda vakomana vane mari. Rimwe gore umwe muskana akaramba Robert Gabriel Mugabe achiti ma teacher haana mari, nanhasi paanonzwa sirene yemotorcade anozvirova mbama.

Derere rinonzii nechishona?

Teacher: class derere nechishona rinonzii? 
Kambeni: sliding vegetables 
Teacher: stupid ko kona inonzii Prosper? 
Prosper: nzveeeee!!!

Munhu asingamwi doro imbwa!

Teacher vaida kuratidza vana kuti doro rakaipa vakaisa doro munerimwe dish rimwe ndokuisa mvura vakatora imbwa kuti imwe imbwa yakasiya doro kwakumwa mvura, Teacher vakabvunza kuti madzidzei, vana vakati tadzidza kuti munhu asingamwi doro akangofanana nembwa

Rondedzero ine mazwi anodarika 120

Yemateacher yekuda kunetsa iyi. vana vanzi nyora rondedzero ine manzwi anodarika 120:

China 15 Ndira 2015

Zvandakaita pazororo


Pazororo reKisimusi ndakafara chose.Vana mukoma vangu vakati handei tinovhima.Takaona tsuro ndobva tatanga kudeedzera tichiti iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo  iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo  iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo  iyo iyo iyo  iyo  iyo iyo  iyo  iyo kusvika taishaiwa ndobva tadzokera kumba.