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Futi ndanga ndakapfeka...

Mablazo two atongwerwa kufa mu court. Akabva anzi moda kuuraiwa sei. Fearing much pain, blazo1 asked to be shot in the head. He was then quickly
dealt with. 
blazo2 akati anoda kuinjectwa ´AIDS´ virus. Then he asked if he could go to the bathroom. This puzzled the executor, but akamubvumidza kuenda. On returning he was then given the so requested dose. He was then asked to leave. Can you guess what he said
before he left?
"Futi ndanga ndakapfeka Condom!"

Mhanduwe na Sahwira

Apa ndisaMutoko vachitsanangurira sahwira Wake yanga yatambika areas manheru.

"Ko mhanduwe romanhoko takazorijaba", "Ko hindawa futi?", "mwana wamaiGarikayi
anga agariwa mbabvu", "Ko ndiani unoshinhiwa kudaro?", ndowuyuyu felexisi",
"saka makandodii", "takandomhanyirayo ndokuwana atonyihwa-nyihwa panyopo".

Chinesse Lessons

Sezvo maChina awanda mu Zim, tava kuitisa ma lesson echi China.

  • That's not right: Sum Ting Wong
  • Are you harboring a fugitive?: Hu Yu Hai Ding?
  • See me ASAP: Kum Hia Nao
  • Stupid Man: Dum Gai
  • Small Horse: Tai Ni Po Ni
  • Did you go to the beach?: Wai Yu So Tan?
  • I bumped into a coffee table: Ai Bang Mai Ni
  • I think you need a face lift: Chin Tu Fat
  • It's very dark in here: Wai So Dim?
  • I thought you were on a diet: Mun Ching?
  • This is a tow away zone: No Pah King
  • You are not very bright: Yu So Dum
  • I got this for free: Ai No Pei
  • Please stay a while longer: Wai Go Nao?
  • Stay out of sight: Lei Lo
  • He's cleaning his automobile: Wa Shing Ka
  • Your body odor is offensive: Yu Stin Ki Pu

Nhaimi ipotatoes here iri

 Yakatambika nezuro. This reputable brother nicknamed Bandamukonde aibva kuchapel nema sisters ari bho-o. Kwabva kwauya vamwe sisi vekutsvaka mari nenhengo iya yemuviri ( yamunoda nemiwo). Vakabva vasviko bata tarauzi ra Bandeki nechepano pamusana vakati ndipe mari yangu.
Masister havana kukurumidza kufungira zvakaipa sezvo Bandeki ari munhu anoremekedzwa. Saka vakado kuzoziva kuti ko yaimbova mari yei. Bandeki ndokukurumidza kupindura achiti "haa akanditengesera mapotatoes".
Maiwee akabva aburana nasisi vaye. Nechinguva chisina kufanira vakaratidza
nengo iya kumunhu wose zvikanzi "Nhaimi ipotatoes here iri?

it's not inside it's on top

Imwe shasha yakatorana navamwe amai vakanga vakatakura kungevarikutama ari magaro avo vega, saka vaakuseenza basa repabonde amai vaya vakabva vatanga kusheedzera kuti cremooora!!!, muchinda achibva awedzera speed achifunga kuti gero ririkunakigwa ,vapedza zvavo first round muface akabva abunza kuti ko pawanga uchiti cremora wanga uchirevei, gero rikati ndanga ndichireva kuti "it's not inside it's on top"

Mapurisa otandaniswa ne mapositori

Wotoona mapositori achitandanis mapurisa, wotoshaya kuti zviri kumbofamba sei

Chisikana chidofo dofo

Chimwe chisikana chidofo dofo, changa chakazvipengera nekunaka, chaka wana 5 out of 100 pasvomhu!!

Murairidzi, uyo aiva munhurume, ndokunyora mubhuku kuti "SEE ME!!" achiti achibatsire. Asi chisikana chiya chakatofunga hacho zverudo, ndokunyorawo reply mubhuku imomo chichiti: 

"Hapana muuyu unovinga shiri!!! Iwe huya undione.... Kana uri serious nezvangu!!"

Mandela, Mondela, Randela

 Mandela square. 

Mandela street. 

Mandela theatre. 

Mandela bridge.

Mandela bay. 

Mandela day. 

Mandela stadium. 

Mandela coin. 

And now, introducing Mandela banknote, Mandela condoms coming

soon!! 

Nxt time when you go to the doctor he'll tel you suffering

from Mandela virus.What's next???? 

Next year the days of the week will be Mondela, Tuesdela, Wednesdiba, Thursdiba, Fritata, Sartertata, Suninhlahla...

South Africa soon to be SouthTataMadiba.

Agh f*tsek mahn I'm leaving this country!! How much is a taxi to

Zimbabwe?? "10Randela??

Ndoita zvandakaita kwaMutare

Pane kamwe kamudhara kakange pamusika weMbare kachida kukwira bhazi kuti kaende kwaMutoko. Pakakatarisa muhomwe kakawana inga chikwama hamuna. Kakabva katanga kudaidzira kachiti "vakomana kana paine munhu atora chikwama changu ngadzorere
otherwise ndinozoita zvandakaita kwaMutare. Mbavha yakanga yaba nekutya yakabva yadzorera chikwma ichifunga kuti pane mishonga yemudhara yaizomuvhiringidza. Vakomana vakange varipo vkati mudhara chikwama chako wapihwa chitiudza kuti kwaMutare wakaita sei, zvikanzi ndakabirwamari yebhazi ndikaenda kumusha netsoka.

Ndiri kutengesawo matemo

Pane mumwe mukadzi aishinhwa kana murume wake aenda kubasa . Aidanana neimwe boyfriend yakanga yakasimba moto chaiwo. Vemanext door vakazotaurira muridzi wemukadzi kuti kana musipo pane rume rinouya kuzorakasha mukadzi wenyu.

Nehasha shasha yakati ndichamubata chete .Saka nerimwe zuva yakadzoka kubasa makuseni
kuti izoona kuti how far. Akasvikira panext door ndokubva audzwa kuit zimuchinda riya rakange riri mushishi rekuridza mukadzi wake. Akabva akumbira demo ,akasviko vhura door ,asi harina kuvhurika akabva atanga ku noka. 

Rume riya rakabva ravhura door richotovhara zipi richichururuka dikita zvakaoma, rikati: "tingakubatsireyi neyi". Shasha nekuona masimbiro emuchinda uyu akabva ati: " sorry for disturbing ndiri kutengesawo demo ". Rume riya ndokuti: "Hatina mari", ndokubva ravhara door .

Buri pa ceiling

Vana nekushereketa vakaboora buri pa ceiling  ravakashandisa pakubuda mumba mavakange vakiirwa. Unfortunately vabereki vava vaive vanhu vapfupi. Vakange vasina mari yekugadzirisa ceiling. 
Mai mwana ini ndichakwira pamusoro pako kuti ndikwanise kusvikira paburi iri kuti tiri gadzire. Mai mwana vakabva vamira baba ndokubva vakwira pamapendekete avo kuti vasvikire ceiling. 
Vana vakabva vanzi endai munotambira mumba pakabva pasvika vaenzi vakatambirwa nevana panze. "ko baba varipi ?"
Vana vakapindura vachiti "baba vari mubedroom pamusoro paamai vari kunama paburi patakabuda napo."
Vaenzi nenyadzi vakabva vatora mabhegi avo vachibva vaenda.

VaMasendeke vati Munhu wese!

MASENDEKE akasvika paigeza vakadzi parwizi ndokuti "nhasi ndinokuridzai mese". Akabva atanga nemusikana akanga aripo, ndokutevera pane mumwe, ndokusvika pane muroora. saka pakange pasara kamwe kachembere kane 70 years. saka muroora akbva ati zviri nani modzokororaini pane kuridza ambuya because vakura. kachembere kakabva katanga kupenga kachiti "IWE WAGARA UNE UDYIRE VaMASENDEKE VATI MUNHU WESE! SAKA CHAVE CHIJANA CHANGU!"

ukaiswa shuga mumukanwa...

kwahi panyaya dzeservice idzodzi-idzi vamwe kule-kule vakanga vagarisa saka vakazopindwa nemunyati wekubata kazukurusikana chibharo, time-time yakazoketwa kuti ndiyo yavajingirisa, vachibva vangwatwa ndokukandwa zandezi, zuva recourt rasvika kule-kule vakajamuka vakati mayazi kazukulezi kakadonhera pamunyati, amajasitiriti vachibva vati," ko zvamakaona kadaro makadii kukadzinga?", zvikanzi nakule-kule, "a-ah koiwe ukaiswa sugar mumukanwa haunanzviri?"

Zvituko

1. Kusviba kunenge pasi pejende ra hudhu
2. Kumusha kure kunosvika mai nababa varambana
3.Baba vako vanosenza kwa lobels asi munomwa tee nemagwavha
4.Kusviba kunenge munhu akaputikirwa neusiki
5.Baba mbavha mai hure
6.Kufarira mota kunge imbwa yechirungu
7.Guvhu rinenge bhaudi rendege

Chimuregererai, ndamu bamura musoro

Pane imwe mbavha yakange yaba hembe kumaflats ekumagaga kwa coffe man.  Vanhu vakatanga kuidzingirira, iyo ikati zano, ndokubva yamhanyira kwamukwisi ndokupinda mumvura.vanhu vakatanga kukanda matombo murwizi imomo. Mbavha yakabva yabvisa bhurugwa ndousimudza magaro mudemga. Vamwe blazo vaiva mberi ndokutanga kuimba vachiti: "chimuregererai, ndamu tsemura musoro"

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