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baba vako vanofarirei

Teacher : Tiudzei kuti vanababa venyu vanofarirei zvekudya:

Pupil 1 : Vangu vanowanzoda mazondo.
Pupil 2 : Ini vangu vanoda madora.
Pupil 3 : Vangu makenduru.
Teacher : Ah!! Makenduru? Nei
Pupil 3 : Kana vorara manheru ega egavanoti kunaamai chidzima kenduru ndidye.

On what grounds?

Reuben Barwe interviewing Cde Muzenda:

Barwe: "On what grounds do you want to arrest Tsvangson?"

Cde Muze: "I don't care any ground will do, whether it is Rufaro, Barbourfields or National Sports any ground will do."

Wasu mu zamanishoni

Zvanzi wasu dzakanga dzechionyore zama pa Mount Pleasant Upper-top. Mubvunzo kwakootanga ngekuti, 'Compare and contrast...'

Invigilator wakasvika pana Wasu dziripakati pekudzvokora answer sheet reangaari panext padzo.

Invigilator : ko Wasu muri kuitei?
Samaz : ndiri kuCompare.
Invigilator : maCompare mozo dini?
Samaz : ndo adjusta answer yangu

Siya zvinhu zvangu

Kwanzi mumwe mukomana aifamba- famba zvake musango kumusha kwake kuLupane saka akafunga kuti regai ndimbotsauka ndimbochonjomara ndichizvibatsira( aida kuoffloader pasuru), apedza achibva asimuka avakuenda.

Saka ati fambei zvishoma akacheuka achitarisa kwaabva ndokuwana mumwe munhu arikutotora zvaanga asiya ipapo achiisa muplastic bag, mukomana uyu akadzoka achimanya kunge imbwa shanu kuzorwisana nemunhu uya kwanzi siya zvinhu zvangu.

Mwana haasi kuuya kubasa

Kwahi imwe shasha yakanakigwa nedoro ikafunga zvekurovha kubasa, yakabvay ati zvandinekachikwezvamarokwe regai ndifonere bhasi vangu, chinzwai manje nyaya yacho, hasha: 
" I am sorry my son is not coming to work today he's not feeling well", shefu vaya vakabva vabvunza kuti ndiri kutaura nani,zvikanzi: 
"It's my father speaking sir".

Chimukuyu

Pane vamwe amai vataiona mazuva ose, zuva rovira tichibva kuchikoro. Mai ava vaigara vakazambira mushana vakaita zvokushadabura, pakati pemakumbo ava pakannyatsoteya zuva. 

Vakazotsiurwa nemumwewo muvakidzani wavo achiti "Nhai mai Spiwe, mugariro rudziiko iwoyo?" 

Ivo ndokubva vapindura vachiti "AAh zvababa vaSpiwe nhai vanondinetsa vachiti vanoda chimukuyu".

Basa pano

Mumwe mukomana akasvika pane imwe kambani pakanga pakaiswa chikwangwani chakanyorwa kuti Basa Pano, achibva apinda achiti ndazoriwana zvino, akasvika parisopusheni achibva anzi aende kwameneja, akasvikobvunzwa nameneja kuti aida basa rei iye ndokuti, " RR will be fine",  pa aireva kuti rese - rese.

Yango nyarara yega...

Manje mumwe muchinda airima netractor papurazi remurungu. Tractor iye yakabva  yangoerekana yanyarara. 

Murungu akasvika akati " whats wrong?"

Muchinda uye akadavira achiti "just shut up!", apa aida kuti yangonyarara!

Ndofira maBanana

Mumwe muchinda aishanda pafarm yemurungu. One day akatumwa kutemha maBanana. Muchinda uyu akakwira mumuBanana akadonha zvakaipisisa kwazvo. Murungu akabva amhanya zvikuru akawana muchinda uya achiri pasi akangoti zii. 

Murungu akabva ati: "How do you feel?" 
Muchinda uya ndokubva ati: " Ndofira maBanana enyu Bhasi!!!!!!!"

Kurara Pabasa

Vamwe blazo vaiva mahobho/guard vakabatwa vakavata on duty. Pavakanzwa boss ava kuti "Iwe Peter!!!", dzakabva dzati "Amen"

Wasu weku Cresta Engineering

Ana Wasu vakange vakagara pabottle store vachikurukura nyaya dzekumabasa kuHarare. Vekutanga vakati mazuva iwayo vakange vava kushanda kuCresta Jameson. Vechipiri vakati vakanga vachishanda ku Sheraton. Vechitatu vaishanda ku Cresta Lodge Vamwe vaviri vakanga vari Bulawayo Holiday Inn kudhuze neUBH.

Mumwewo mukomana akati akanga achishanda kuCresta Engineering. Akasekwa nevamwe kuita kunge achachema, vaiti ivo kana munhu usingashandi usanyeba. Akambenge anzwa kupi hotel yainzi Cresta Engineering.

Hokoyo mupfana Hokoyo

Mumwe mufana akapinda muchitoro ndokubva aba mabiscuits muradio maiimbwa
song inonzi "maDebhura" by Thomas Mapfumo yainzi "Hokoyo mupfana hokooooyo!".
Iye mfana ndokufunga kuti aonekwa, ndokubva atanga kuimba achiti: "ndadzosera mukoma ndadzoseeeera."

Pane wandirutsira

A young man was going from Harare to Mutare so they had to stop at Rusape
for a few minutes. Yakazo tambika manje ndeyekuti blazi ava vakanga vava
kunnzwa mudhumbu. Problem yakanga iripo ndeyekuti the bus already wanted to
leave so he never had the chance to go to toilet.

Blazi vakabva vafunga kubvisa bhurugwa ndokurova nepahwindo. Pakanga paine
vamwe mai vanga varikutengesa madhomasi, vakabva vaenderwa netsvina iya.

Ambuya vaka bhowekana ndokubva vaenda kuna Conductor. Conductor, Mubazi
menyu umu pane munhu andirutsira ambuya vakataura, Ndokubva Conductor ati
hapana munhu ainge avarutsira mubhazi.

Ambuya vakabva varamba vachiita nharo, kusvikira vazoti vakanga vamuuona
munhu iyeye nokuti akanga akasiyana nevamwe vanhu. Conductor akabva avati
vataure zvaakanga akaita, ndokubva vati ane matama makuru kuru nekamuromo
kadoko doko.

Mzee mu toilet

Our very own vice pres Muzenda went to the Americas for the first time and needed
to relieve himself so he was shown where the loo was.On entering he saw a reflection of himself on the mirror and said "sorry ndanga ndichifunga kuti hamuna munhu".

Matsotsi emu harare anetsa

mwe shasha kuHarare uku yaive nebabes so manje. But babes yakange yakaroorwa time-time, so it happened kuti on one of the days yakabatikidzwa iri muden neHusband yegero, so he had to rush out without his pants and shoes, just the shirt.

Upon getting home, knowing his wife would need an explanation, he cooked one. "..mai bhoi ndarohwa nematsotsi, ndabirwa trousers neboots.." Shasha felt better payakanwza wife
ichiti, 
"...umm veduwe, inga matsosti anetsa muno.., (pause) ..., kubva vapfekedza victim yavo condom?"