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Ma presents kuna mai

Paiva nevamwe vana vaiva naamai vaibva kuGhana. Rimwezuva vakafunga kutengera mai vavo mapresents, wekutanga akatenga mota yekufambisa vachinoona hama.

Wechitwo akatenga imba ine marooms 36, wechithree akavatengera parrot yaizovavaraidza ichitaura zvisina basa.

Mai vacho havana kunyatsofara nekuti vaiti havana hama muZimbabwe saka vaisazoshandisa mota yacho. Kune wechitwo vakati havana munhu wekugara naye mumba macho asi vakatenda wechithree vakati wakandipa kahuku endekainaka.

Musalala ku back seat

 Kamwe kamusalala kachimoko kakakwira kombi kachienda kuMabvuku. Kanga kaka pfeka bhandana haikona, kaspaghetti nehipster. Kainhuwirira uku cellars yemari iri mumaoko waona. Maface aingokaaya imwe iya iya yechiboyz.  Kakagara kuback seat kachirova zvako pitza. These 2 guys vakatanga kukati ndeipiko geriza. Unonzani? Ende unoita manje. Hakana kupindura kaingo tarisa vanhu vese mukombi kachiita kunga kari kuona matuzvi Vakaramba  vachingokanetsa kachingoignorewa. Whindi ndiye akazoti, "chiiko kuback seat chanetsa?? Boyz dzakasheedzera kuti, " SHAZ KAMUSALALA AKA
KASURA WAONA,  MANJE KARI KURAMBA KUTIVHURIRAWO WINDOW...."

Murume wangu auya

Then there was this couple in bed at night, Madamu vakabva vavhumuka.
"MURUME WANGU AUYA, MURUME WANGU AUYA KANI!!!!!!!!!!

 Husband ichinzwa izvi yakabva yajamba from bed ikabuda mumba ichimhanya isina kupfeka. 

Payakasvika pagate ndipo payakarealizer kuti iri padheni payo.

Marketing in Shona

Mumwe murume akapinda mubhazi achi tengesa zvinhu achibva atanga kushevedzera:
Vana sisi vakaboorwaaa........
Vana sisi  vakaboorwaaaa...................................mhete dziri pano idzi.

Ko vana amai moenda musina mabhurukwa here..........
moenda musina mabhurukwa here...................................mabhurukwa evana ari pano aya 

Ko vana baba moenda dzakamira  here.............................
moenda dzakamira here............................mabattery ewatch ari pano aya.

Mbare Hostels

Unoketa mafesi anoloja imba yakadividwa necurtain? The guy who stayed on the door side was married while the other fella was single.one day he overheard the married kule saying to his wife,'rega ndipinze yakarara inomira yave mukati!!!!' The wife replied,'chingopinza yakamira inokwana!!!!' 

When he pipped over the curtain ,he caught a nice
 glimpse of husband and wife trying to move their new
wardrobe into the house.

Mwana we tortoise anonzii

mwana wemunhu anonzi chii: mwana

mwana wembwa anonzi chii: mbwanana

mwana weshiri anonzi chii: shirana

mwana wetortoise anonzi chii: totoisana

Ko marara sei Mai John

Mumwe musi ari mangwanani:

Mai Shingi: "Ko marara sei Mai John?"
Mai John: "Ndaizorara sei naiyo yemusoro mutsvuku iyi. Kuti rare yavemo, ndoburitsa. Kashanu chaiko usiku hwatabva uhwu. 

Chokwadi gore rino mombe ichatipedzera magarden iyi..."

Matsotsi Haagerane

Kunetsa kwepetrol nechingwa kwaita kuti mudzimba muitike zvakaoma. Vamwe blazo vakasvika paDen kuma 2:30 am kubva vavhura door repabedroom vachingotanga nekuti: 
"Ende petrol yanetsa, ndanga ndiri muqueue nguva yese iyi....."

To his surprise, his wife was not in bed. He sat on the bed wondering where his wife had gone since the bed clearly indicated it had not been slept in!!! 30 minutes later kuma 3am, madam vakabva vapinda vakabata 2 loaves dzechingwa vachiti:
 "Ende hakuzi kureba kwanga kwakaita queue yechingwa nhasi!!!!" Nyaya yacho!!!!!!!!!!

Kuvhura kwavaMuzenda Jeri rekwaGutu

Pa official opening yejeri rakanga ravakwa kwaGutu naMzee, akasimuka ndokupa speach yake akati, "Vanhu vangu tarisai ndakuvakirai JERI rakakura kudai, ndoda murishandise nemazvo riite fully utilised.
Zvamurimi ndigozonzwa kunzi razara nevanhu vanobva Bulawayo, Mutare, Harare etc IMI muripo. Ijeri renyu iri, ndavakira imi kwete vamwe vanhu, Ndizvoka ????? "

Zvinotaurika pa muchato

Zvinhu zvaunonzwa zvichitaurwa pamuchato wema Zimbo:
  1. Muchato wacho ndewe nzara nzara
  2. Iye angachate atonenhumbu
  3.  (madzimai eruwadzano)...Kutotinyima chikafu tirisu tachibika,handeyi asikana vachasuka mapreti vega
  4.  (mfundisi mumbombera) Nhayi ndirikuoneka kuti ndadhakwa,handiti  ndichaita munamato wekuvhara.
  5. Vaperekedzi kutodada ungati ndivo vachata 
  6. Hanzvadzi yemukadzi wacho inenge iri kurwara.
  7. Dai tanonoka kusvika taishaya food
  8. Gown racho rakakundwa kunaka neramai Sorobhi
  9.  Hanzvadzi dzemurume wacho dzine bapu
  10. Takazodakwa because tisu taitoronga machapu acho.
  11. Kokagero kaya kemasteps kakazofamba sei?Kaindida zvakaipa.
  12. Ndiri kutaimira kagero ako kari kuita masteps
  13. Isisu kuChurch service hatisvike - tongozobaya kufunction kumachapu
  14. Food iri bho yese inenge iri kungoenda ku High table
  15. Muzukuru wangu uyu.Hawumuketi here?
  16. Ihama dzangu but dzinodada..
  17. Rice ravo rakatsva
  18. Mukadzi wacho akawanza makeup
  19. Nyama yakaiswa soda iyi
  20. The bride is a slut, we've all had her!
  21. Voetsek wenyu, maspeech eyi nawo?
  22. Voetsek vawo, ma "steps", ma "steps" kuti zvigoita sei? > 4.
  23. Ko, hanzi beer rapera here? 
  24. Zvekufeeder hama dzavo first ndozvadii?
  25. I forgot my invitation at home.
  26. The bride and I are very closely related. Uchiri kuziva Mukadzi waSekuru vaTete vemudzimai wangu, vaye vakaroorwa naBusinessman uye wekwaZvimba? Right. Mukoma vavo ivavoka, ndiye mwana wavo uyu!
  27. Boys, I think the beer's finished, ngatishayikeyi!
  28. Ende vanhu vachamaker ava, ma presents so!
  29. Varikunyeba kuti beer rapera, ndaudzwa kuti rakazara mudeep  freeze!
  30. How can she wear that dress with those shoes?
  31. Vanga vachitoshaina muBenz iye. Mota yekuhire! Dai iri yavo better!
  32. Nhai, pane anombovaziva varikuchata vacho?
  33. Beer so, inini vachatozo nditandanisa chete kuti ndibve pano!
  34. Let's go, but ngatitoreyi ma"takeaway" beer first!

Watakurirei door?

Kwahi babaChatunga na Nyongolo naMzee vaifamba nemota vachibva vaita accident
saka hapana akakuvara vachibva vagaya yekurova road nenyawezi coz anga ari
manheru mota dzaifamba dzanga dzisingamire vaifunga kuti machinda three aya
matsola saka vasati vabva pavhuzhi babaChatunga vakagurunura radiator dzikati,
"ngativhaye",Nyongolo dzakabva dzati chimbomirai dzichibva dzabvisa seat,Mzee
dzichibva dzakwachura door vachibva varova road,Mzee dzanga dziri confused (as
usual) dzibva dzabvunza babaChatunga kuti sei dzatakura radiator, zvikanzi
nababaChatunga," ndaitira kuti time time vhati inenge yakula ndozorova kana
ndava nenyota", zvikanzi," ko Nyongolo watorerei seat?", dzichibva dzapindura
dzichiti," semunhu mukobvu ndinokurumidza kuneta saka ndichapota ndichimbogara
paseat", machinda two aya akabva abvunza Mzee kuti," koiwe urikungobvunza sei
watora gonhi ?", zvikahi naMzee ,"ndaitira kuti kana kwavakupisa ndozooovhura
window".

Masikati here kana manheru

Hanzi vamwe blaz vakaenda ku Kadoma vachibva pfanyas for the first time .So manheru sezvo kwaipisa dzakafunga kumbotonhorerwa dzichifamba famba mumastreets , dzichifamba kudaro dzakasangana nevarume two vanga vakadhakwa vachiitirana nharo , mumwe achiti
masikati mumwe achiti manheru . 

Saka vakati rega tibvunze blaz uyo ari kubva uko zvikanzi " nhai blaz masikati here kana kuti
manheru ?" Blaz nekupusa vakabva vati " Handisikuzivawo ndasvikawo
kuno nhasi

Arghhh agoita imba mbiri?

hanzi paiva neumwe rich man akati kune umwe poor man, "taura anything chaunoda kuti ndikuitire, asi chaunenge wasarudza ichocho i will double that kuna neighbour wako." poor man akafunga kuti akati kuna rich man amutengere Benz neighbour wake aizowana 2 maBenz. akafunga kuti rich man amutengere imba akaona zvichimugwadza kuti neighbour wake aizowana dzimba mbiri. poor man dzakagara pasi dzichifunga kuti ndosarudza chii. akabata shaya akati kuna rich man, "o.k. ndaziva manje ndazofunga zvakanaka, ndinoda kuti undibvise ziso."

Mhanduwe wanofarira Moses Chunga

Kwanzi mhanduwe waifarira mutambo wonhabvu zvikuru kunyanya team yobhora yoDynamos asi waisasapota team asi Moses Chunga, saka wakauya Harareyo kuti wazowona Mozee achitamba nhabvu wachibva wandomuigira foja kuti anyatsotamba, zvino Blah Mozee akabva andokoriwa nofoja ruya perfomance ichibva yalacker, wakandonyunyiwa nokupinziwa bhora nopakati pomakumbopo Mhanduwe wachibva wagumbuka ndokuchibuda muStadium achipopota zvikanzi," haiwawo, Foja rangu rokutambisa ndichipa benzi ".

Ana Beverage nana Branch Manager

Kwahi vanachabvonga (anaTea boy) havachadi kuhi maTea Boy asi maBeverage Managers, ana hwiramiti maTree cutters vohi maBranch Managers.