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Repu kesi

Pane mumwe murume ange abatwa nemhosva yekurepa mukadzi saka mapurisa aka svika kwaari ndokuti "baba mabatwa nemhosva yerape". 
Murume uya akapindura achiti "murikutaura rape ipi yacho?".
"Muri kutaura rap yarap music, kana kuti rape yarape muriwo kana kuti rape yokurepa
mukadzi?".

65% cotton, made in China

Bob: Chionaka Muzee, iwe semutevedzeri wangu ndiwe uchapa speech yekuonekedzena naVaNkomo kuHeroes Acre mangwana, saka please ofanogadzirira zvauchataura.

Muzee:  But shaz wandiisa pa'tight' becoz unongozivawo kuti chirungu chinondivhara zvakaipa, hazvingaite here kuti iwe undinyorere speech yacho ndozoverenga but handisikuda kuti vanhu vaone kuti ndiri kuverenga speech yacho, saka ndopaita sei ipapo?

Bob :Mayaz, iyoyo haishupe unongoisa pepa racho muhat mako, kana tasvika paguva obvisa hat woibata up-side-down kuti uverenge speech yako iri muhat imomo, pakadii apo?

Muzee: Ndoosaka ndichikuda mhani, unofunga mudhara!

NEXT DAY KuHeroes Acre:
Speech iya yanga yaiswa mu hat yadonha but blazo havana kuzviona, changosara muhat i'tag' iya inenge yakanyorwa  detail re hat yacho. Fortunately vanga va'krema' first sentence, and
this is how he goes:
"Mr Nkomo was..... (he looks down into the hat) 65% cotton, 35% Polyester, One size fits all and Do not dry clean. Made in China.
Thank you!!!"

Ndoidawo Memorial Service

Nkomo zvaakafa bob akadaidza mzee zvikanzi we are going to have a memorial service for the late. Haaa, mzee zvakabva zvamugumbura ndokubva atoshatirwa. Zuva re memorial manje bob zvakabva zvamunetsa ndokubvunza mutevedzeri wake kuti chii changa chichimudya. 

Mzee ndokubva ati, "Ini ndiri vice wo sa Nkomo, ini ndinogara ndichiita basa rangu rese nomazvo, and I am obedient. Kasi iwe bob waona zvakakodzera kuti uitire munhu uyu afa memorial service usati wandiitira yangu nhai?"

Lotto yabatwa nezvimwe

Two boys bought a state lottery (lotto) ticket vari vese ndobva vawinna  $25000 then they were told kuti they had to share 50-50 zvikanzi:

 "A! Kusheya? Kana zvirizvo chitidzorerai mari yedu"

VaMapfumo, System Tazvida munomuona sei?

Mazuva akanetsa mushakabvu System Tazvida, VaMapfumo vakabvunzwa paZBC naEric Knight. "Ko, nhai VaMapfumo, mupfana System anetsa uyu munomuonawo sei?  Mapfumo ndokupindura, "Ho-oo, uyu zviya anotambira team ipi yebhora?"

Iwe! urikuda kuti dzingisa basa?

A certain man from Zimbabwe wanted to go to London(Harare north) sezvamunongozivawo kuti vanhu havachagara muZimbabwe.

When he arrived at Gatwick he was told in London there was no more place for Zimboz he was very disapponted and kept on asking for the permission to be in London, they persisted that there was no way he could be in London unless he wanted to work in a zoo. 

He happily accepted the offer he was told he was going to work in a zoo and act like a chimpanzee he was given the attire to look like one.The manager of the zoo used to boast around saying he had the most intelligent chimpanzees in the zoo, certain visitors to the zoo wanted to really prove it and they asked one of the chimpanzees to jump into the lion's den, unfortunately it was our friend from Zim.

On jumping he yelled as loudly as possible "YOWEE MAIWE!!!!"The response that he got was shocking "AH iwe urikuda kuti dzingisa basa here"that is when he realised he was safe
for these were his fellow friends from Zimbabwe who had gone under
the same hiring procedures. NHAI NHAI CHII?

Baba Ngida nemhuri yavo

VaMze vachi introducer President Tijani Babanginda nemhuri yavo, kuna
Mai Mze,

Va Mzee : Mai Mwana ava ndivo Baba Ngida, ava ndiMai Ngida (to the
wife),(to the son) aka ndiko ka Ngida kacho!!

Wasu vapererwa neye mhamba

Vamwe Samanyika vati vapererwa ngemari yemhamba vakazunza mabhurukwa
ose neamwe akasopedzisirwa kupfeka. Vakazunza zvekunge vachadimbuka
chuno nekubhowekana vakatanga kunamata kuna mwari vochoti:
 
"Mwari imwimwi mune favour Inga wani:
  • Abraham musharukwa zvake akakumbira mupwere imwi mukamupa. 
  • Uyu Jonah wakaitwa swallow ngeshark asi imi mukamuita vomit. 
  • Daniel akakandwa mugomba remalions asi imwi mukadziitisa noappetite. 
  • Kuzoti ari Eria kubvira mwaita wekuendesa kuheaven ngerocket.
Asi inini ndiri kundoda pondo basi yekuotenga mhamba imwi mwochondinyima . 
DIKO MWARI MWUNEFAVOUR"

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