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Andidye hure!

hanzi mumwe mukwasha aibva kumalawi akauya kumba kwana ambuya vake (kwemusikana vaaida kuzoroora) kwamutoko. saka since yakanga iri nguva yekurima vanhu vese vakaenda kunorima mukwasha akanzi asare zvake ari pamba achimboona zvinoitika kwamutoko. mukwasha akasara zvake paden akati rega ndigare zvangu paveranda achiketa yaitambika. 

Dzagara gara dzakaona kamwe katseketsa kepaden kachimhanyiswa nejongwe ndokubva kasviko kwirwa nejongwe riya(mating). time time mukwasha akaona the same tseketsa ichi mhanyiswa nerimwe jongwe repanext door and the same thing (mating) happened. 

This happened for about three more times nemachongwe akasiyana siyana. maface adzoka kumunda ambuya vakati rega ndimbo feeda mukwasha vangu nenyama yehuku vachida kumupliza. nguva yesupper yakwana mukwasha akabva anzi chihuyai mudye. nekuona nyama yehuku akabva abunza ambuya kuti matenga kupiko huku? zvikanzi naambuya kwete handina kutenga ndauraya tseketsa yedu yatanga tichipfuya. mukwasha ndikubva ati, munoreva akakachena kanga karipanze masikati? 
ambuya nokuda kuimpressa vakabva vati, "hongu..." 
mukwasha ndokuti  "aaaa andidye hure ini!!"

Joo apedza vakadzi vevanhu

Manje Kira akabva kubasa kwake Buruwayo achimboshanyira vadzimai kupfanyas. Akaburukira patownship akagotanga kunwa hwahwa negen'a romuraini make. Gen'a  rikagotanga kumusasa kuti madzimai ese ari muraiini make apera kukwirwa naJoo.
Asvika kumba vadzimai vakamugamuchira samazuva ose. 

Iye aingofunga nyaya iya but apa achingofungawo kuti kuda wake ndiye akasara kukwirwa naJoo. Akagoti kuna Vadzimai:
"Ko ndanzwa kuti Joo apedza kukwira vakadzi vavanhu muraini kusiya kwomumwe chete
Vadzimai: "MMmm ungava ani iyeye wakasara aa Pamwe
ndimai Mary."

Nhaimi ipotatoes here iri

 Yakatambika nezuro. This reputable brother nicknamed Bandamukonde aibva kuchapel nema sisters ari bho-o. Kwabva kwauya vamwe sisi vekutsvaka mari nenhengo iya yemuviri ( yamunoda nemiwo). Vakabva vasviko bata tarauzi ra Bandeki nechepano pamusana vakati ndipe mari yangu.
Masister havana kukurumidza kufungira zvakaipa sezvo Bandeki ari munhu anoremekedzwa. Saka vakado kuzoziva kuti ko yaimbova mari yei. Bandeki ndokukurumidza kupindura achiti "haa akanditengesera mapotatoes".
Maiwee akabva aburana nasisi vaye. Nechinguva chisina kufanira vakaratidza
nengo iya kumunhu wose zvikanzi "Nhaimi ipotatoes here iri?

it's not inside it's on top

Imwe shasha yakatorana navamwe amai vakanga vakatakura kungevarikutama ari magaro avo vega, saka vaakuseenza basa repabonde amai vaya vakabva vatanga kusheedzera kuti cremooora!!!, muchinda achibva awedzera speed achifunga kuti gero ririkunakigwa ,vapedza zvavo first round muface akabva abunza kuti ko pawanga uchiti cremora wanga uchirevei, gero rikati ndanga ndichireva kuti "it's not inside it's on top"

Musazvi bigga mahara

Well, there was this guy. Muface uyu akanga ane >>>>> hombe and so everyone mumaraini akanga asingachadi zvektambira mudhuze naye. Izvi zvakaita kuti muface afunge zano rokumbofamba KuMasvingo uko akanga anzwa kuti kune rimwe hure rakanga risanganzwe chinhu kana rabva bubhaudwa. 

 Hure iri raiti rapera kuita sex nemurume raiti tora zvako mari yako nokuti haundigutse. Saka muface akazoti asvika kwaririr Hure rikati shamwari ""don't waste my time, nokuti haungatombo ndigutse." Muface akati okay but ngatingo try. 

Akati ayipinza huro for the first time rikati ranakirwa. Rakati zvino ngariedze kubatira nekumagaro, ndokubata mhepo. Izvi zvakrishamisa ndokutarisa kumashure kuti rione kuti nei, rakanga rabata mhepo, ndoukuona muface akamira 50m away. Rakabva rashokwa, uvhomora, ndokutiza richiti, idzi ndidzo dzinouraya.

Panofa pfambi panonzwinyi?

Pakafa mufundisi takarara tichiimba nekuparidza. Pakafa hwindi takarara tichimbeya nemakombi pachiridzwa mabhero nekushevedzerwa. Nhasi pafa mai susan pfambi tiri kurara tichiitei nhasi guyz

Unomwa here Joe?

Mukoma Joe vakazvinhongerazvavo bhebhi kubhawa ndokunanga kumba . vasvika bhebhi rakabvunza zvikanzi "unonwa here Joe " blaz vakati vanotonwa heavy. vaviri vakanakidzwa usiku hwese pasina protection.
Kwaedza, mukoma vakaona bhebhi ravakunwa maARV vakati "bhebhi haudaro sei usina kutaura kuti uri positive?" bhebhi "inga joe ndakabvunza wani nezuro kuti unonwa here ukati unonwa"

Chirwere chakaoma ichi

Paive panyaradzo apo mbatya dzeimwe pfambi dzaigovewa,yakange yafa neAIDS.Ambuya vaigova mbatya vakabva vaona G string ndokuti shuwa chirwere ichi chakaipa kubva chadya bhurugwa remuzukuru wangu kusiya tambo chete.

Baba vangu imbavha, mai vangu...

Mudzidzisi akabvunza vana vose mumwe nemumwe mabasa evabereki vavo kamwe kakataura: "baba vangu imbavha ,mai vangu ihure..."

Teacher vakatsamwa ndokuendesa mwana kwaheadmaster. Mushure mwana akadzoka achidya apple teacher ndokubvunza: "wanzi kudii nahead?" 

Kakapindura: "hapana vandipa apple vakatora number dzamai vangu chete..."

Unomwa here

Mukoma Joe vakanotora zvavo bhebhi kubhawa ndokuuya naro, bhebhi rikabvunza mukoma Joe kuti: "Ko unomwa here?" Joe akati," ndinomwa heavyyyy."

Vaviri ava vakavata husiku hwese vachitandadzana pasina protection, ndokuzoti kwaedza bhebhi ndokutanga kunwa zvaro maARV.

Mukoma Joe ndokuti, "Bhebhi haudarozve! Seyi usina kundiudza kuti uri positive." 
Bhebhi rikati ,"handiti ndakakubvunza kuti unomwa here ukatoti heavyyy"

hure iri rasiyana nemamwe

Man going kuBhawa nemukadzi wake kunotandara vachimwa murume ndokuenda kutoilet mukadzi asara rimwe hure ndokuti utange wapiwa mari murume iyeye haabhadhari uye haadi condom mukadzi ndokungoti hoo ndokuuya vamwe two futi vachitaura same statement murume achingopinda kubva kutoilet akawana mukadzi atotsamwa ndokusvikonzi hande tonopedzerana tave kumba vachongonopinda muTax mukadzi ayingopenga dzamara tax driver ati hure raurinaro nhasi rinopenga rasiyana nemamwe aunosimbouya nawo.

kana mumhu akuti urimbwa

Ukanzwa munhu achikuti urimbwa, chibva wamuruma, akakuti dhongi chibva wamukika, hameno akakuti uri hure unoita sei....wongoonawo zvaungaita.

mapurisa kwaMacheso

Umwe mukadzi akafonera mapurisa kuti: "murume wangu aenda neGirlfriend saka ndave
kutevera kwavaenda. Ndine pfuti zvekuti ndikavawana ndiri kushudha vose" 
MaPurisa akabvunza kuti vaenda kupi? Mudzimai uya akati; "Vaenda kuBand kwaMacheso kuVITO" 

Mapurisa akabva atora mota ndokumhanya kuti vatangire mai vaya kusvika. Mupurisa akasviko bvutira Macheso Mic ndodaidzira achiti,"
"KANA MUINE MURUME WEMUNHU ARIMUNO NEGIRLFRIEND MUKADZI WAKO ARI KUPINDA MUNO IZVOZVI ANE PFUTI YEKUSHUDHA IWE NEGIRLFRIEND YAKO MOSE" 

Hanzi door rakaita duku varume vose vachitiza kusanganisira naiye Macheso wacho.

mwana akaona muroi

Mwana: Nhai Daddy hanti varoi vanofamba vasina hembeka?  
Dad: Hongu, wakamuonepi muroi?  
Mwana: ndakamuona nezuro maskati pandakabva kuchikoro, ndakawana mama vachiroyewa nemuroi pasofa, but vakange vatomubata vachitokudaidzai vachichema kuti daddy, daddy, daddy kani !

imba ichi kurukura nekiti

Imbwa: shamwari ini ndagara ndine munyama .
Kiti: why my friend.
Imbwa: anoba anonzi anoba sembwa ,anohura anonzi anohura sembwa ,anokara anonzi anokara sembwa ,chero murombo anonzi imbwa chaiyo, why my friend? why?
Kiti: siyana navo imbwa dzevanhu

Baba tindo vachipembedza mwana

Ba Tindo vachipembedza mwana wavo mu kombie vanhu vakanyarara.
Tindo : "dady apa ndopanonzi pagomo hospital handiti?"
Ba Tindo: " yes mwanangu"

Kombie yati fambe fambe vachitaura nemazwi ari pamusoro vanhu vese vakanyarara. 

Tindo: " dady apa ndopa ZBC panoverengwa news handiti" . 
Ba Tindo: ndizvozvo chaizvo mwanangu u are very clever keep it up boy". 

Kombi yapinda mutown mwana akadeedzera zvekare. 

Tindo:"dady this is Rezende street corner Charter handiti?". 
Ba Tindo: " argh u are very clever unotokunda vamwe varume vakuru kuziva harare" 
Apa mwana anga amera zenze manje . 
Tindo:" Dady apa ndopa Harare Central Police Station patakauya kuzokuona na mhamha masungwa maramba kubhadhara hure handiti?"

Baba vakabva vati zii kunga vasipo


Nzvimbo dzemuZimbabwe ne mbiri yadzo

Mbiri ye nzvimbo
                                     
1. Bulawayo - okapi knife🔪, shabhini 🍺🍻🍺
2. Mutare mheni
3. Gokwe varoyi👽
4. Murehwa ngoma📦
5. Mt Darwin runyoka🐍
6. Kwekwe amakorokoza 💎
7. Shurugwi makorokoza 💎 mhondi 🔪🔫💂
8. Gutu vanhu vakapusa
9. Binga vanhu vakasara vanoda mbanje🚬 stereki
10. Shamva mahure👩 asina utsanana🛀🚿
11. Bunket, centenary - zvigure👿
12. Gweru chando 💨
13. Zaka, chipinge varoyi👽                  
14 mtoko mapuno
15. masvingo kudhura💰 kuroora👰 💍 + kuchekeresa💘
16 Marondera huchi🍘
17 chivi vasikana👭 vakashata
18 Nyanga bananas 🍌🍌🍌
19 Chiweshe vaporofita👼
20. Harare ....ndokwatirikuitira reseach🌐📚💻 yacho.
Iwe👈 unobvepi?

Mbavha, muroyi, pfambi

Mbavha yakaroora muroyi ndokuzvara pfambi, zvino chakunetsa ndechekuti  vakushaya wekusiya pamba manheru. Pliz tipeiwo mazano tivabatsire varikuda kutobuda izvozvi.

ndatya kuti pamwe ndo baba vangu

Mumwe murume akabata mukadzi wake nechikomba. Akarwisana nechikomba chakabva chamukurira. 
Mwana wake mukomana aivapo asi haana kubatsira baba vake, akangoramba amire zvake. Baba vakamuti sei warega ndichirohwa usingandibatsire? 
Zvakanzi ndaona kuti amai ihure. Ndakarwisa chikomba pamwe ndoo baba vangu chaivo.

Ambuya neMuroora pa introduction

Husb:mummy uyu ndiye muroora wenyu mudzimai wangu wandavekugaranaye.
Mummy:ndafara nekuzviziva.
Husb:Sweetheart ava ndivo moms vangu vaunongogara uchiti mwana weHure mwana weHure.ndiro Hure racho.kkkkkk uriwe muroora unoitasei

Tsivo - sahwira akandirega ndichi chata newe

Wife: Nhai baba Choklate, madini kuyambira shamwari yenyu iri kuchata next week kuti mukadzi waari kuchata naye haaite, ihure, huchapa futi ane makuhwa!
Husband : Ndinomuudzirei? Its a pay back time! Iye akandiregera ndichichata newe wani

Chihure

Umwe mface akuudzwa kuti kana achinge aenda kubasa mukadzi wake anoisa chikomba paden. Rimwe zuva akati ndoda kumbozvionera ndobva audza mkadzi kuti ndichamboenda kubasa ndichaita vhiki ndisati ndauya. 
Akava aenda, mkadzi ndokufonera chikomba zvikanzi "baby huya zvako tine party yeweek rose!" 
Muchinda haana kunonoka ndobva asvika ndokupinda muroom rakaipa, bedroom, ndokuita 4play vachingopedza kukurura ndokunzwa ko..ko..ko..ko pa door.
Muukadzi: "ndiani "
Murume: "ndini baba aTawanda vhura door"
Lucky imba yacho ndidzo dziya dzekumaruva dzechikare dzinoti pasi bedroom pamusoro pocroswa matanda panoiswa zviyo &then roof pekupedzisira. Mukadzi akafunga zano chop chop zvikanzi, iwe kwira pamusoro apo uvate ipapo tozoona zvimwe zvekuita. 
Sezvo pakange pasisina zviyo zvakaita easy ndobva chikomba charara chakatarisa pasi semunhu aitya. Muridzi wemba ndokupinda. Semunhu ange achinzwa zvese, akarara pabed akatarisa mudenga. 
Saka jende rechikomba rakabudira muroom repazasi mkadzi ndiye akatanga kuriona ndobva adzima light murume zvikanzi batidza light pane chandisina kuona mushe..'ko icho chiiko mai T'. 
Mukadzi: "ibhero ndatengera manzuma iya yekushupa ndizvozvo chete ndidzime zvangu" 
Murume: "mira ndoda kunzwa kuti rinorira sei" achitora nduku ndobva ari buuu kurova zvikanzi "ngendeee".." inga rinorira zvinofadza rega ndidzokorore zvakare" achibva abata nemaoko ese kwaku rova ngesimba zvikanzi."ndati ngende mhani".

Mukwasha achifunga kuti agona tezvara

Imagine mkwasha anoona mota yatezvera yaka parkwa pa lodge during lunch time.
Mkwasha obva ati ndoda ku fixa tezvara havanyare kuhura ndokuba car radio. Later kumanheru anoenda kwa tezvara kuno ona reaction yavo . Anoona vachipopota kune mudzimai wavo. 
Mkwasha wobvunza kuti chii nhai baba . Ndipo paunoudzwa kuti mkadzi wako akumbira mota makuseni achiti arikuenda ku church meeting manje adzoka nayo yabiwa radio.

Pane chanhuwa pano

Mahure airukana musoro, rimwe ndokuti, 'Asikana pano panhuwa mboro' 
Rimwe ndokudaira richiti,  'Sorry zvenyu asikana ndini ndadzvova'

Ndofunga matorisvina

Nhamo akati achiyamwa mazamu ehure rake ndokunzwa ave kutomedza mukaka ndobva abvunza:
"Ko nhai  babie asi unoyamwisa mwana mucheche kani? "
Hure ndokupindura, "aiwa  daddy  ndine zimota pazamu iroro saka ndofunga matorisvina." 

Batsirai vekwa Jairos Jiri

Chimumumu chakapinda munight club chikarova zvacho beer uku chichi flasha flasha mazimari ,,ndokuzokecha hure,, chakanorara naro usiku hwese,,kuseni hure ravakuchida kuenda apa rava kutaura mari yokupenga, chimumumu ndokubudisa pepa rokwa Jairos Jiri rakanzi "PLEASE PROVIDE THIS PERSON WITH FREE SERVICES AND ENTERTAINMENT YOU NEVER KNOW TOMORROW IT COULD BE YOU"

Vachihera vabatwa nechikomba

Vachihera vakanga vabatwa vaine chikomba, chinzwa pamuromo, hanzi: "Zvamurimi mufambe muchiudza vanhu kuti mandibata nechikomba ndimi munozvishoresa kuti makaroora hure.

Zvinombofamba sei nhai vavakidzani?

Zvinombo famba sei?
Musi wauno pinda ne hure mumba, vavakidzani vanokuona. 
Asi musi wauno birwa nembava, hapana anozviona sei?

Varume nema ministry avo kuvakadzi

  1. Minister of Finance - murume anongokumbirwa mari achingodyiwa
  2. Minister of Defence - uyu ndiye wekumaraini kwaanogara anoshandiswa kutyisidzira vakomana vanomunetsa
  3. Minister of Infrastructural Development - uyu ndiye anoshandiswa kutenga hembe, kugadzira musoro, ma nails etc
  4. Minister of Tourism - uyu ndiye anopota achishandiswa kuti babe riende kumafaro kana kushanya kunzvimbo dzakasiyana siyana munyika kana kunze kwenyika
  5. Minister of Foreign Affairs - uyu haagari munyika anopota achiuya vachitamba dzakahwanda
  6. Minister of Transport - uyu ndiye anongoshandiswa kupota achiendesa babe kwarinenge richida
  7. Minister of Rural and Urban Planning - uyu ndiye anoshandiswa kubhadhara rent kana kutenga residential stands
  8. Minister of Information and Technology - uyu ndiye anoshandiswa kutenga expensive fones (gadgets) dzinoshandisa whatsapp ne facebook yekutsvagisa more ministers
  9. Minister of Agriculture and Food Security - uyu ndiye we food, ma pizza and all
  10. Minister of Home Affairs - uyu hapana kana chaanotengera babe ndewekungoshanda zve bedroom chete and iri razor inotozivikanwa naizvozvo. 
  11. Minister without portfolio..ava vanenge vari brother vekuchechi,vanenge vakaperera chaizvo asi vasingazive kuti bhebhi ravo muti wemusango.kana kiss havapihwe brother ava and havana kana stress nazvo coz vanenge vakazvichengetera kuti vozoita kana varoora

Ma bond anetsa paZimbabwe

  1. Bond Meat - Ma chunks
  2. Bond Car - Mahindra
  3. Bond Chicken - Cabbage
  4. Bond Fish - Matemba
  5. Bond Job - Kutengesa bhero nechiVendor
  6. Bond Friends - AnaJudas
  7. Bond Wife - Smallhouse
  8. Bond Girlfriend - 1 nyt stand or pfambi/hure
  9. Bond Licence - Provisional Licence
  10. Bond Passport - ETD
  11. Bond House - Lodge
  12. Bond Milk - My Creamer/Cremots
  13. Bond Phone - Gtide
Zvimwe wopedzisa wega wave munhu mukuru aarrggh nhai

  1. Bond Prophet - ...
  2. Bond Church - ....
  3. Bond Nation - ....

kana munhu akakuti urimbwa...

Kana munhu akakuti urimbwa, ibva wamuruma ipapo, 
akakuti uridongi, ibva watomukava ipapo, 
akakuti urihure.... aaaaaaah, uchawonawo yekutamba wavemunhu mkuru!!!!

baby feeder ku small house

Mumwe murume akaita small house kuMbare, saka akanga asisauye kumba,  ndokubva mukadzi wake atevera ikoko. Ndokuwana murume akagadzikwa musofa akapfekedzwa baby feeder, achidyiswa nespoon. 
Mukadzi akatsamwa, zvikanzi: "Imi murikuitei murume mukuru handei kumba!". 
Zvikanzi nemurume... "Atiti" 

afcon 2017 - huree

Tanga tichiona hadu bhora,Pagowesa  vakomana veku ghana  mkadzi bvaadaidzira kuti HUREEE landlord kwakuuya achimhanya ndokusviko knocker pa door zvikanzi mamisai munhu chokwadi anogara achiuya pano musipo munhu iyeye ndaitoshaya kuti ndokuudzai sei

Mhuri ye mbavha, muroyi nepfambi

Mbavha yakaroora muroyi ndokuzvara pfambi, zvino chakunetsa ndechekuti vakushaya wekusiya pamba manheru.

Pliz tipeiwo mazano tivabatsire varikuda kutobuda izvozvi.

Mushonga wezvikomba

Pane blazz apfuura achisheedzera kuti arikutengesa mushonga wemasvosve wemakonzo newezvikomba....ndamumisa ndichida kuona mushonga wezvikomba wane irekeni.....

samutoko - hura hwe huku

Samutoko vachitengesa huku nematumbu
acho vachidaidzira havo murokesheni pa
Glen view apo
Zvikanzi; 

"Ndino hura! nohuku!"
"Ndinohura nohuku"

Masasi ekupenga

Its better kugara mubhawa uchifunga Mwari

Than kugara muChurch uchifunga hure


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