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Haisati yava nemu namato

Hanzi Mfundisi akanzi huyai mundinamatirewo nemurwere. Paakasvika achida kunamata akavhunza kuti munonzwei, zvikanzi Ebola . Mfundisi akabva abuda achifambisa achiti haisati yavanomunamato wayo.

Nyamba yaenda ne gero

Vamwe vana vakaoma chokwadi... Mumwe mukomana akatumwa namdhara kunotenga 5kgs dzenyama pakudzoka ndokusangana  nebaby rake zvikanzi nebby 'nyama waiwanepi'? 
zvikanzi nemukomana ndeyekubutcher kwedu kana uchida tora iyi ini ndonotora imwe.
Mukomana akanosvika kumba asina chinhu . Baba vaye vainge vakagara mumba namufundisi zvikanzi nababa mwanangu wauya nenyama here zvikanzi hongu baba
zvikanzi rega ndirodze banga tiicheke. 
Baba vachibuda panze mwana ndokuti kuna mufundisi nyama irikutaurwa nababa ndimi murikurodzerwa banga iro , mufundisi vachinzwa izvi ndokutora bhasikoro ravo  vakananga kumba mwana ndokumhanya kunababa zvikanzi murikurodza henyu banga
asi nyama yatizwa nayo namufundusi. Baba ndokutanga kumhanyisa mufundisi  achishevedzera 'mira nenyama unofunga kuti unotiza ukasvikepi banga ndarodza kare'.

Mfundisi abvunzwa nzira yeku posvo

Mufundisi akabvunza chidhakwa nzira yeku Post Office. 
Aratidzwa nzira akatenda chaizvo mufundisi akati kuchidhakwa: "waitabasa wozouyawo kuchurch ndokuratidza nzira yekudenga ".
Chidhakwa chakadzedzereka chichiseka, chikati: "wozoziva yekudenga iwe wambotadza yekuPost Office?"

Eria eoenda nengoro yomoto

Sam naEria vakaenda kuchurch, Eria akakumbira jacket raSam sezvo kwaitonhora. Sam akabva arara mufundisi vachiparidza. Akatozopepuka onzwa mufundisi voti "Hoyo Eria muranda washe akatendeka woenda kudenga nengoro yemoto " Sam akati "Mubatei ane jacket rangu " 

Yambiro kuvanasikana

Mufundisi achiparidza muChechi, "Imi, Vasikana! Dzikamai,muRoorwe! Kwete kuita seNdege yeku Malaysia!"
VaTendi ndokubvunza. "Ndege yekuMalaysia yakaita sei nhai Mufundisi?"
Mufundisi ndokupindura vachiti: "Yakakwirwa nevanhu 200, naNhasi haisati yawanikwa!"

Ini ndingori we traffic hangu

Pastor vaidarika zvavo nepa Police station, ndokuona Mupurisa aive Paboom gate achiverenga bible rake, Pastor zvakavashamisa kuti Mapurisa anoverengawo  bible  nhai.
Pastor vakati regai ndimubvunze simple question ndokuti, Nhai Officer pakati paCain naAbel ndiyani akauraya mumwe wake zvikanzi pindai mukati muone Constable vari muOffice number 5 ndivo vanoita zveMurder ini ndiri weTraffic.

Pastor vachitaura nezveDenga mu kereke


Pastor: Today i want to talk about heaven,
Interpretor: Nhasi ndikuda kumbotaura nezvedenga, 
Pastor: Not about the sky,
Interpretor: Kwete zvedenga,
Pastor: Not about the roof,
Interpretor: Kwete zvedenga
Pastor: Not about the ceiling,
Interpretor: Kwete zvedenga,
Pastor: But about heaven.
Interpretor: Asi zvedenga.

Unobuda wanzwei ipapa shuwa?

Kwaiva nehondo here?

Mai Taku: "Askana, ndiani arwara zvandaona mufundisi achibuda mumba menyu mangwanani?"
Mai Tino: "Mind your own business! Menyu zvamakabuda musoja nezuro, maiva nehondo
 here?"

Mharidzo yevanhu vasingapindi denga

Pastor: "Varoyi havapindi denga"
Chidhakwa : "Amen Pastor"
Pastor: "Mhombwe hadzipindi denga"
Chidhakwa:"Allelujah Munhu WaMwari"
Pastor: "Vanonyeya ,vamwe,mhondi nembavha havapindi denga"
Chidhakwa:"Ndizvozvo Pastor taurai zvenyu"
Pastor: "Kana zvidhakwa hazvipindi denga"
Chidhakwa: "Ndera mai vako here denga racho raunorambidza vamwe"

Mwana waMwari ndeupi?

Benzi rakapinda mu church rakabata pfuti rikasvika rikati, "Ndiani mwana waMwari ndimuendese kuna baba vake izvozvi?" Hapana munhu akataura kana kudaira. Rakabva radzokorodza zvakare richiridzira pfuti mudenga. "Ndati ndiani mwana wa Mwari muno ndimuendese kudenga kuna Mwari izvozvi?" Vamwe rasta vakabva vasimuka vakanongedzera pastor. Zvikanzi napastor "Iweeee-eeh! Ndisiye zvangu ini ndiri mwana wemuera Soko wepa Murehwa apa! Ndakazoita mwana waMwari riinhi???"

Kuri kudiwa affidavit

MOSES : Shaa ma1, ndakarasa licence saka ndanzi ndiuye ne after david.
CHENGE: After David ndiyani?
MOSES : Chibepa chinosainwa na Commissioner of goats.
CHENGE : kkkkkkkkk (shaking her head) Moses enda kugwazh

Kudavira kunoita vechikadzi kana mufundisi ati halleluya

Kana muri muchurch mfundisi akati Hallelluya tusikana tune 10-15 yrs tunoti Amen.

Vanenge vaanetarisiro yekuda kuroorwa vane16-25 pakanzi Hallelluya vanoti a man.

Vanenge vakurisa vasina kana anomboti cc mirayipo pakanzi Hallelluya vanenge vakutiwo any man.

Vanenge vakwegurawo vasisina tarisiro yekuroorwa nokuda kwekushayisisa akamboti cc kubvira vachiri mhandara chaidzo pakanzi Hallelluya vanoti Aaaaaaamenoo.

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