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chinoz - ma vendor muma streets

REPORTER: Cde munoti kudii nekudzingwa kukuitwa maVendors muma streets?

CHINOZ: Inin ndikutoshaya kurusarura rwabva papi futi, zvikunzi maVenda chete ndooabve ko maShona, maNdebele nemaMachawa akutengesawo mustreet arikusiirwei?!

Huya pano ne chiNdebele

Teacher: ndiani anogona ndebele munomu?
Kid: ini ndokiya kiya
Teacher: ko kana uchida kuti kumuhu huyapano unoti chiii?
Kid: buya lapa
Teacher: ok .kokana wakuda kuti adzokere kwaabva unotichii?
Kid: azvinetsi ndongoenda kwaabva ndoti buya lapa futi

MuNdebele achitaura Shona

Ndebele people in Harare speak Shona like this :
Zwakatanga pandakaona bana bachitamba panze ku Stungwiza, mumwe wacho so akavha aputa gedhi achita kutora bhora tjo! akavha adhumwa nemhota, bakatanga kuchema zwakandi nzwisa tsitsi vele hai ah. Tikavha tamuridzira song ya Pastor lokhuzeni Charamba iya yekuti puruka puruka puruka mweya unoyera.

Kudzidzira ndebele

Ndiri kudzidzira Ndebele. First lesson:
Here= LA
Sleep= LALA
Sleep here= LALA LA
Sleep there= LALA LE
Listen= LALELA
Listen here = LALELA LA
Sleep over there= LALELA LE
Listen here, sleep over there= LALELA LA LALELA LE!

Amaparts omzimba ayephikisana

Amaparts omzimba ayephikisana!!!
Ngubani oqakathekileyo??
umlomo: "mina nxa ngingahlafunanga kubi"
Izandla " mina nxa ngibambanga basop?!"
Inyawo: " mina nxa ngingahambanga dwee"
Amehlo: " lingakhohlwa kubona mina la....! 
Amakala : "mina nginga phefumulanga akulanto ehambayo "
Izibunu : " guys mina......."

BEFORE IZIBUNU AQEDE WEQA UMLOMO

Mlomo:  " njengawe mdidi thula uyanuka "
Indlebe :" mina ngingazwanga  ke?"
umdidi: " guys...?!!!
bahle bawuthulisa umdidi ungakakhulumi, wabopha umdidi wabopha mfi umlomo wadla wagcwalisa isisu umdidi wabopha kakhulu. 

Mbayimbayi kwezakala sezincenga :

"eta mdi,ehh mdidalo,ola mdidington, mdivine vula phela bhudas..."

isiqholo seloja

Zwana isiqholo seloja

Landlord: ngicela imali ye rent mtanami?

Loja: njenganini engake ngabhadala khona i rent mhlaka 28 masalu,yindlala kumbe ngumjombo?

Land lord : kusasa sekungeyinye inyanga phela.
Loja:Lokho ungaya kulungisa lotsotsi owatshintsha amalanga.Ngifika lapha wathi kimi i rent ibhadalwa mhlaka 30 nyanga zonke.So wena mhlaka 30 ulande imali yakho ye rent nzakuqhubela sihle sehlukane uyezwa masalu?

Amaloja so.futhi nikisi

To those abazi isiNdebele
We are having idili at home and we been waiting for our father as an elder to come and lead the proceedings, unfortunately his leave wasn't granted and he sent us a letter that read
"Angisakwazanga ukuza ngoba umsebenzi umningi lapha efemini ngalokho amaboss athi ngeke ngikwazi ukuza lapho ekhaya, umfowethu omncane akathathe indawo yami umsebenzi wenziwe, inkomo ingahlatshwa"
Now we are all wondering ingabe uthi inkomo ingahlatshwa kumbe uthi inkomo ingahlatshwa uthini kahlekahle umdala sizani zihlobo kuyaphuthuma umsebenzi umile ngendaba yenkomo,  ingahlatshwa kumbe ingahlatshwa?

Ndebele surnames...

Caller: Hello may I please speak to Mr Ndlovu?
Receptionist: Sorry he is in a meeting with Mr Ngulube.
Caller: Who else can I speak with about a quotation?
Receptionist: Either Mr Nyoni, who is standing in for Mr Dube, or Mr Ngwenya.
Caller: Thank you. Please connect me to either one of them. By the way, who am I speaking to?
Receptionist: Miss Nkomo.
Caller: Hey, is that company or a zoo? .