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Ndoita zvandakaita kwaMutare

Pane kamwe kamudhara kakange pamusika weMbare kachida kukwira bhazi kuti kaende kwaMutoko. Pakakatarisa muhomwe kakawana inga chikwama hamuna. Kakabva katanga kudaidzira kachiti "vakomana kana paine munhu atora chikwama changu ngadzorere
otherwise ndinozoita zvandakaita kwaMutare. Mbavha yakanga yaba nekutya yakabva yadzorera chikwma ichifunga kuti pane mishonga yemudhara yaizomuvhiringidza. Vakomana vakange varipo vkati mudhara chikwama chako wapihwa chitiudza kuti kwaMutare wakaita sei, zvikanzi ndakabirwamari yebhazi ndikaenda kumusha netsoka.

Zvituko

1. Kusviba kunenge pasi pejende ra hudhu
2. Kumusha kure kunosvika mai nababa varambana
3.Baba vako vanosenza kwa lobels asi munomwa tee nemagwavha
4.Kusviba kunenge munhu akaputikirwa neusiki
5.Baba mbavha mai hure
6.Kufarira mota kunge imbwa yechirungu
7.Guvhu rinenge bhaudi rendege

Chimuregererai, ndamu bamura musoro

Pane imwe mbavha yakange yaba hembe kumaflats ekumagaga kwa coffe man.  Vanhu vakatanga kuidzingirira, iyo ikati zano, ndokubva yamhanyira kwamukwisi ndokupinda mumvura.vanhu vakatanga kukanda matombo murwizi imomo. Mbavha yakabva yabvisa bhurugwa ndousimudza magaro mudemga. Vamwe blazo vaiva mberi ndokutanga kuimba vachiti: "chimuregererai, ndamu tsemura musoro"

Kablazo kaka birwa watch mu bhazi

Hanzi kamwe kablazo kanga kakaonda moto kakabirwa watch yako pa'pressure' yekukwira mubhazi. Kakwira mubhazi kakamira padoor ndokudaidzira kachiti, "aba watch yangu ngaadzose kana kuti ndokurovai mose." 

Hapana akadaira saka kakabva katanga kurova munhu wese anga ari mubhazi umu mambama. Kakasvika panerimwe zi-giant rakanga ririmonya moto, ndokuriti mbama, mbama. Giant
rakasimuka ndokudaidzira kunadriver kuit amise bhazi. Vanhu vakatanga kuombera
maoko vachidaidzira kuti nhasi kablazo kavekuzosotwa.

Giant rakabva ramira padoor rebhazi rakamisa mamhasuru richidaidzira richiti , "Kana pane  aba watch yemuchinda uyu ngaamudzosere vanhuwe, mungatikuvadzise."

vakandiviga kwandisingadi

mumwe blazo aiita basa rekuti munhu akafa akavigwa ne coffin riri expensive iye woenda kunomufukunura usiku oba coffin racho ozotengesa. 

Saka umwe usiku achibva 'kubasa' kwake kugrave yard akatakura coffin raanga aba pamusoro
akabva asanganidzana nemapurisa. Vakamubvunza kuti aiitei necoffin, iye ndokupindura achiti, "Vanopenga, havangambondiviga apa pandakati handidi saka ndiri kutoenda kunozviviga nechepamberi apo." 

Mbavha yaka hwanda mu mortuary

Pane imwe mbavha yaimhanyiswa nemapurisa. Yakabva yamhanyira mumortuary ikarara paside nezvitunha.Mapurisa vakapinda mumortuary muye ndokutarisa-tarisa asi havana kuiona. Mumwe mupurisa akabva adaidzira kuti "vakafa vese simudzai maoko tione" Mbavha yakabva yasimudza ruoko.

Mbavha yechikwama

Mbava yaka tora chikwama chemumwe musekuru weku Malawi. Mbavha yakatanga kumhanya ichitiza sezvo panga pari pachiteshi chemuguta guru. Mbava isati yaenda kure yakaona chikwama chiye chobhururuka chichienda seshiri. Sekuru vanova muridzi wechikwama vakadaidzira vachiti:
"zuva rauchabata shiri iyoyo ndiro rauchafunda kufamba." Mbavha yakatanga kukambaira semucheche.

Hokoyo mupfana Hokoyo

Mumwe mufana akapinda muchitoro ndokubva aba mabiscuits muradio maiimbwa
song inonzi "maDebhura" by Thomas Mapfumo yainzi "Hokoyo mupfana hokooooyo!".
Iye mfana ndokufunga kuti aonekwa, ndokubva atanga kuimba achiti: "ndadzosera mukoma ndadzoseeeera."

Handi bhadharwe overtime

Vamwe officer vaidzinganisa mbavha. Vaapedyo nekuibata vakabva vamira, vanhu vaitera vakasvikomirawo vakabvunza officer kuti mamirirei manga makuibata wani. Zvikanzi na officer 4 dzachaya ndapedza basa handibhadharwe overtym.

wanga was iya remote

Kombavha yakanoba D.V.D pamwe pamba zvakabudamo zvakatsomana nebenzi mbavha yakasvika pakuneta ikamira yaona kuti speed yaiuya nebenzi haiite benzi rakasvikoti wangawasiya remote.

Nzvimbo neva gari vemu Harare

Vagari vemu Harare vakamira so:
MBAVHA - Mbare
ZVIGURE -Mabvuku
MAHURE -Chitungwiza
MAPOSITORI -Epworth
N'ANGA -Mufakose
MASOJA -Dzivarasekwa
MANINJA -Kambuzuma
MABOORANGOMA - Glen Norah
MaSALAD - Avondale
GUD GUYZ - Budiriro
MaSEWAGE - Glen View
MaBabe AKANAKA- Waterfalls
MaBHARANZI - Warren Park.
MaFISH-BONGA - Kuwadzana
TYPHOID - Hatcliffe
MaWAR-VET - Malbereign.
MADOFO - Zimre/Ruwa
maZHING-ZHONG -Borrodale
MaHUSTLER - Ximex Mall
MaHWINDI - Highfield
MAPENZI - Braeside
ZVIPOKO - Tafara
AIDS - Avenues!
VAROYI - Tafara
CHOLERA- Mabvuku
NHAMO YAKAPETWA KATATU - Matapi
VASINGAGEZE - Arcadia
VANA SIYA YECOK- Chikurubi ne Morris Depot
MANOSE - Greencroft
MAKUHWA - KwaMachipisa
VANOZVIDA IVO VARI MURUKISHENI - Glen Norah
NZARA- Rugare
MAROVHA- Braeside
ZVIDHAKWA- National
VEGWAZH - MT Pleasant/ UZ
VEKUMUSHA. - Charlotte Brooke/ Crowhill
BILHAZIA - Sunningdale/Mukuvisi
MACROOK - Kamfinsa
ZVIDHAFU - Eastlea
Kwako ndekupi kana 

kugerwa mahara

Mumwe murume akapinda mubarbershop aine mwana wake mukomana. 
Murume ndokutanga kugerwa apedza bvaati rega ndimbonotenga nyama ndouya ndobhadhara ka 1 sara uchigera mwana wangu.
Mwana uya apedza kugerwa barber aona kuti baba vaya vanonoka kudzoka akabvunza mwana uye kuti baba vake vainge vanotenga nyama kure zvakadii.
Mukomana uya ndokupindura kuti "handivazive ini havasi baba vangu. Tangosangana panze zvakanzi mwanagu handeyi togerwa mahara"

nani kuita mupositori

Ukadzidza ne simba unoenda ku UZ mononyimwa chikafu momhanyisana ne police.
Ukaba, unoenda kujeri mononyimwa chikafu momhanyisana ne police. 
Saka ndodini manje, ndava confused... ndagaya ndakuita mupostori , ndomhanyisa police ne tsvimbo!!

imba ichi kurukura nekiti

Imbwa: shamwari ini ndagara ndine munyama .
Kiti: why my friend.
Imbwa: anoba anonzi anoba sembwa ,anohura anonzi anohura sembwa ,anokara anonzi anokara sembwa ,chero murombo anonzi imbwa chaiyo, why my friend? why?
Kiti: siyana navo imbwa dzevanhu

Mbavha, muroyi, pfambi

Mbavha yakaroora muroyi ndokuzvara pfambi, zvino chakunetsa ndechekuti  vakushaya wekusiya pamba manheru. Pliz tipeiwo mazano tivabatsire varikuda kutobuda izvozvi.

Mbavha ndeipi apa?

Ndiani mbavha apa:
Mukomana aitengesa hove 3.3 kgs achida $10. Mdara wemota obva amira achida hove akati isa kuboot wouya kuzotora mari. 
Mkomana obva oisa hove pasi pemota ovhara boot, Mdara obva atiza asina kubhadhara achiti hove dzaamo!!!! 

So mbavha ndeipi

Gore rezvi dzidzo - homework

Mwana adzokazve nehomework iyi ndiyo mivhunzo ycho ini ndazvikonewa saka ndauya kwauri:

Q1: rurimi rwenhunzi rune colour yerudzii

Q2: tsvina yemombe inonzi ndove koyemosquito inonzi chii?

Q3: mwana weinda anonzi chii?

Q4: nditaurire kuti average weight yenyuchi ichangoberekwa ichii?

Q5: tsikidzi hadzi inonzi chii nechingezi?

Q6: munhu anoba anonzi mbavha, ko anobirwa wacho anonzi kudii?

Zvidhura zvema dhora ku Binga

Umwe mface aiita zvekugadzira zvidhuura zvemaUS$. Imwe weekend akagadzira zvidhuura zvema$18 achibva ati regai ndiende nazvo kumachonyonyo ekuBinga achiti havangamboziva kuti hakuna $18 yakabatana.

Akasvikopinda mune kamwewo kashop maitengeswa nekachembere achibva aburitsa $18 yake yakabatana ndokutti, "Maswera here gogo, ndanga ndichikumbirawo change."

Gogaz vakatambira mari ndobva vangoitarisa mbichana vachibva vanyemwerera vachiti, "Ndokupa ari ma$9 maviri here kana kuti ma$6 matatu........."

Hokoyo ne police

Shingi angaari mbavha, paakafa coffin rake rakaramba kudzika muguva.
Pastor ndokuita munamato zvikaramba pastor wechipiri, wechitatu zvakaramba
Shamwari yaShingi ndokuti Pastor regai ndikubatsirei, ndokufamba achienda paguva ndokusviko mira paguva achibvaati: 
"Shingi hokoyo nePOLICE!", coffin richibva ratanga kudzika. Wenyu munamato uchanzii?

kare kwanga kwaka chipa

Zvinhu zvakanga zvakanaka kare. Mdhara aiudza hake vazukuru vake how in the old days he could go kumaShop nedhora achinouya ne 2 loafs, chisaga chemaPotatoe, gaba reJam, tsapo yemaSweets ne kaShuga.. 
Asi zvamazuvaano hazvichaiti, too many security cameras muzvitoro!

Mazuvano tava kuchaja nezviri mukati

Mbavha mbiri dzakaenda kucourt mushure mekunge dzaba muSupermarket... 

Judge: "iwe wekutanga taura tinzwe wakabei?"
Mbavha 1: "Ndakaba gaba rehove".
Judge: "Maiva nehove ngani?".
Mbavha 1:  "Shanu"...
Judge: "Mazuvano takuchaja nezviri mukati saka makore mashanu mujere".
Mbavha 1: "kikikiki"...
Judge: "ko uri kusekei?"..
Mbavha 1: "ahh kutoseka hangu shamwari yangu yakaba gaba reBHINZI!!"

Mbudzi yatengwa marii

Mumwe murume akaba mbudzi ndokubva apa mwana wake kuti anotengesa. Mwana akasangana neshamwari dzake akabva asungirira mbudzi pamuti ndobva vanotamba zvavo. Mwana achidzoka wanei mbudzi yabiwa. Achisvika kumba 
Mdhara: wadzoka so early mbudzi yatengwa here? 
Mwana: Ehe yatengwa baba. 
Mdhara: Yatengwa nemarii? 
Mwana: Vanhu havachabhadhari baba, yatengwa nesame price yamakatenga nayo.

Wanga wasiya remote

Mbavha yakanoba DvD player pamba paigara benzi, zvakabuda zvakasonana mbavha ichitiza. Mbavha yakasvika pakuneta ndokumira. Benzi rakasvikawo richibata mbavha richifemereka zvikanzi “wanga wasiya remote”..

Ma bank akaomera

Vanhu vemumabank vakaoma...ndovatruster zvekuvachengetesa mari yangu yese asi ivo vanondigaira horror zvekusungirira pen yavo pashinda...

Babie raba dstv smart card

Babie rinouya kumba kwako robva raba DStv card, rozotumira text message kwauri,"Honey ndatora bank card rako rawanga wakaviga muDVD player mako"

Zvinombofamba sei nhai vavakidzani?

Zvinombo famba sei?
Musi wauno pinda ne hure mumba, vavakidzani vanokuona. 
Asi musi wauno birwa nembava, hapana anozviona sei?

Mushini wekubata mbavha

Svondo rapera kuJapan kwakagadzirwa mushini wekubata mbavha. Pawakasvika USA wakabata  mbavha 750 withn 1hour.
Ku Zambia wakabata 1000 within 30mins.
Pawakasvika Zimbabwe, paMBARE within 15mins wanga watobiwa! 

Huwori hwakatanga paGreat Zimbabwe

Corruption (huwori) haina kutanga nhasi. I'm sure great Zimbabwe kuzomira isina simende was not the initial design but some corrupt official akadya mari ye simende ikatozovakwa pasina. 

Mhuri ye mbavha, muroyi nepfambi

Mbavha yakaroora muroyi ndokuzvara pfambi, zvino chakunetsa ndechekuti vakushaya wekusiya pamba manheru.

Pliz tipeiwo mazano tivabatsire varikuda kutobuda izvozvi.

Mushini we chando

Sorry hama dzangu dzemuZimbabwe.
Ndini ndakaba kamushini kanogadzira chando kuRussia ndichifunga kuti ndekedovi. 
Zvino handichagoni kukadzima

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