Nyambo dzine tag 'mukadzi'

Ndiri kutengesawo matemo

Pane mumwe mukadzi aishinhwa kana murume wake aenda kubasa . Aidanana neimwe boyfriend yakanga yakasimba moto chaiwo. Vemanext door vakazotaurira muridzi wemukadzi kuti kana musipo pane rume rinouya kuzorakasha mukadzi wenyu.

Joo apedza vakadzi vevanhu

Manje Kira akabva kubasa kwake Buruwayo achimboshanyira vadzimai kupfanyas. Akaburukira patownship akagotanga kunwa hwahwa negen'a romuraini make. Gen'a  rikagotanga kumusasa kuti madzimai ese ari muraiini make apera kukwirwa naJoo.
Asvika kumba vadzimai vakamugamuchira samazuva ose. 

Matsotsi emu harare anetsa

mwe shasha kuHarare uku yaive nebabes so manje. But babes yakange yakaroorwa time-time, so it happened kuti on one of the days yakabatikidzwa iri muden neHusband yegero, so he had to rush out without his pants and shoes, just the shirt.

Amai vafa

Rimwe zuva murume akadzoka kubasa achifemereka. akaona mukadzi vake achakarara ndokusvikoti " mai mwana amai vafa kumusha." Mukadzi haana kuita hanya nazvo, ndokumuka hake, kutsvaira mumba, kwave kuzoenda

Yangu yamira

Murume nemukadzi vakasangana pasina mumwe munhu zvake. Murume ave kupfuura asina kumbotaura chinhu nemukadzi uyu, zvakashamisa mukadzi kuti chirudzii.

Mukadzi akati hazviite kuti murume apfuure asina kumbotaura neni. akati regai ndimutaudze ini Akati: "Nhai mukwasha ko dzimbori nguvaiko?"
Murume, sezvo watch yanga isisa shande akangoti, "A a a
amai yangu yamira". Mukadzi uya kwavekuti zvakanakai mukwasha.

Vave kuparadzana murumewo kwave kuti : "Ko imi amai munobva kupi?" 

Murume wangu auya

Then there was this couple in bed at night, Madamu vakabva vavhumuka.
"MURUME WANGU AUYA, MURUME WANGU AUYA KANI!!!!!!!!!!

Shingi aiva mubarber achigerwa zvake ndokubva awona mumwe mukadzi akanaka chaizvo achitsvaira mubarber mubarber umu.
Tonde: ende sisi makanaka
Mukadzi: maita basa
Tonde: do you mind if i take you out after work
Mukadzi: but i am married
Tonde: you can tell your husband kuti unenge wanonoka kupedza basa
Mukadzi: ok muudzei mega ndiyei arikukugerai

Wife and Hubby watching soccer

Wife and hubby watching soccer:

Wife: sweetie ko uyo akapfekerei zvakasiyana nezvevamwe?
Hubby: Ndi keeper anogara pagedhi. 

After 5 min,
Wife: Ko keeper uya zvaava kumhanya mukati, asiya ghedhi nani?
Hubby: Uyu ndi refree, haasi keeper.
Wife: Saka refree anoita basa rei?
Hubby: Ndiye ano controller game.

After 10 min,

Wife: Ko refree uya zvaamira paraini futi?
Hubby: Uyu ndi assistant refree kana kuti linesman.
Wife: Asi arikuda kusabhura refree ari mukati?
Hubby: No, anoshandira paline ipapo.

After 30 seconds,
Wife: Saka mureza waasimudza uwo iflag yekunyika ipi?
Hubby: Nhai Mwari ndaparei nhasi? Uku team yangu irikurohwa....uku ndirikubvunzwa zvisina maturo...!!

Askana siyanai nemurume wangu

Private caller - Hello am l speaking to Anita?
Anita - Yes
Private caller - Askana siyanayi nezvekufonerana nemurume wangu handiti!!!
Anita -Ndanga ndatya ndafunga kuti muchati ndirege kurara naye.Kana zvakadaro iribho. gudnight

Akapusa ndiyani

Professor vachitukana nemukadzi wavo;
Prof: hauna kufunda ndosaka wakapusa nekuzungaira. 
Wife: akazungaira nekupusa ini newe ndiani,ndiri nani ndakaroorwa naprofessor, ko iwe wakaroora mukadzi asina kana grade 7.

Handi nhuwi ini

Mukadzi anga arimu court achibvunzwa kuti atsanangure munhu anga amubata chibharo sezvo ma suspects ese aivemo airamba. Mukadzi ndokuti 'munhu wacho anga arimupfupi, anemhanza, anonhuwa...........' Achiripakati pekutsanangura pakabva panzwika izwi richiti.."pfutseke handinhuwe ini"

Ucha chatawo rini

Pese pandaienda kumichato yeshamwari dzangu vamwe ana mai vemumaraini vaingonditi ''Ko iwe ucha chatawo rinhi vamwe vari kungochata?''

Izvi zvaindirwadza chose, zvaka zopera pandaiti ndakasangana nawo panhamo ndovadzunzawo kuti: "Ko imi muchafawo rinhi wamwe venyu varikungoenda''

Private number hello...

Takagara mukombie fon yevamwe blaz yorira, ndobva vakumbira kuti driver adzikise volume...kombie yese vanhu ziiii. Blaz: Private number....Hallooo????, eish!!! "handisikunzwa chinhu",(ndobva aisa fon paloud speaker). Caller: (Shouts) "Ndati Wadyirei polony yemwana?"

6 Reasons Dzakanakira Doro Kudarika Mukadzi

6 Reasons Dzakanakira Doro Kudarika Mukadzi

1. ukatenga doro unokwanisa kudaidza hama neshamwari kuti huyai tinwe doro randatenga asi pane madzimai panonetsa hapadaidzanwe kunyange munin'ina wako chaiye;
   
2. ukatengadoro unovhura wega hakuna munhu anozofamba achitaura kuti doro rina Banda ndini ndakarivhura mukadzi wako unonzwa mumwe achiti takabvaneko
3. ukatenga doro kana risingaite unokwanisa kurichinja wopihwa rimwe bt kana ari mukadzi ma1;
4. doro rakafanana harina kuti ndere kunzvimbo ipi asi unonzwa vamwe vachiti machawa akapenga;
5. doro unorinwa kubva musi wa 1january kusvika musiwa 31 december bt mukadzi rimwe zuva anenge akaneta mamwe mazuva anenge ariku.........
6. pagaro pedoro pakanyorwa kuti alcohol may be harzadas to health unonwa uchitoziva kuti ndinofa bt pagaro remadzimai hapana kunyorwa unotozo yeuka wakufa

the devil is a liar parufu

Mukadzi akanzi ape speech parufu rwe murume wake...akati...the devil is a LIAR !! Vanhu vese vakati AMEN !...akati...Satan atora murume wangu... BUT HE IS A LIAR MHANI. vanhu...vakati AMEN....

Murwere wekuda mazai

Zvinoita munhu kana arwara akomana zvakaoma. 

kuri kurehwa imi mai tembi

Amai tembi na Baba tembi vakaenda kwachiremba mai tembi ndokuitwa operation zvakanzi nachiremba operation yamaitwa iyi zvotoreva kuti muchaita 2 weeks pasina bonde .
Zvakanzi na mai tembi, "mazvinzwa ka baba tembi"!
Zvakanzi nababa tembi "hongu ndazvinzwa but apa doctor arikureva imimi mai tembi."

zanu pf - vote of no confidence

Ndiri worried zvisingaite, ndawana mukadzi nevana vachitaurira pasi pasi. Pandangopinda vanyarara, ndiri kufunga vanga vachitaura zve Vote of no Confidence on me. Kana kupinda mutoilet chaimo ndiri kutya kuvasiya vega.Ndoitawo sei vanhuwe?

kutsvaka expiry date

WIFE: Kwakanaka here swity?   

driver dzora volume

Vamwe mai mukombi vakafonerwa vakati driver ndinokumbirawo udzikise volume yeradio yako. Driver akadzikisa volume vanhu vese mukombi vakanyarara. Mai vaye vakaisawo foni yavo pa loud vakati: "Hallo baba vaChipo matiiko?" zvikanzi  nemurume: "Ndati sei wasiya usina kurasa weti yako irimubucket?"

kana maroorana zvino pinduruka

VASATI VAROORANA:
# John.... Ndikuona seuri kunonoka
# Mary.... Urikuda kuti ndiende?
# John.... Usafunge izvozvo
# Mary .... unondida here?
‪#John.... Zvakanyanya
‪#Mary.... wakambo danana nemumwe munhu here tiri tese?
#John.... kwete.
#Mary.... Uchagara neni nguva dzose here?
#John.... Nguva dzose ndikawana mukana
#Mary.... Uchandirova here?
#John.... kwete!
#Mary.... Ndovimba newe here?
#John.... Yeah!
#Mary.... mudiwa wangu....

VAZOROORANA: Verengai muchibva kuzasi kuenda kumusoro!!

hure iri rasiyana nemamwe

Man going kuBhawa nemukadzi wake kunotandara vachimwa murume ndokuenda kutoilet mukadzi asara rimwe hure ndokuti utange wapiwa mari murume iyeye haabhadhari uye haadi condom mukadzi ndokungoti hoo ndokuuya vamwe two futi vachitaura same statement murume achingopinda kubva kutoilet akawana mukadzi atotsamwa ndokusvikonzi hande tonopedzerana tave kumba vachongonopinda muTax mukadzi ayingopenga dzamara tax driver ati hure raurinaro nhasi rinopenga rasiyana nemamwe aunosimbouya nawo.

mapurisa kwaMacheso

Umwe mukadzi akafonera mapurisa kuti: "murume wangu aenda neGirlfriend saka ndave
kutevera kwavaenda. Ndine pfuti zvekuti ndikavawana ndiri kushudha vose" 

Ndipe hembe ndiwache

Bopoto mumba:

Dzimba dzakaoma vakomana

Dzimba dzakaoma vakomana! Ndakazviwanira zvangu babie rangu raive steady ndikati regai ndiroore hangu.

Chinoz- hauna kundibata

Chinoz akamuka pakati pehusiku ndokutanga kuseka, mukadzi wake akapepuka ndokubvunza kuti ko urikusekei pakati pehusiku hwakadai ? Chinoz akati. Aaaa ndarota wandibata ne girlfriend yangu yekumufakose saka ndirikuseka kuti hauna kundibata ndanga ndichirota.

Chakachaya kuCourt

Imwe couple ndokuuya ku High Court for a dirvoce:
Judge: Hamuchadanani zvachose chose hre?
Man: Hongu mambo.
Woman: Chokwadi changamire.
Judge: Mune vana vangani?
Woman: Three.
Judge: How do u want the children shared.
Panoita runyararo, votanga kukakavadzana
murume nemkadzi. After some 30 mins they come
back.
Vose: Give us time, taakunoita mumwe mwana,
then we share equally, kkkkk

mukadzi wangu uchaita sei ndafa?

mama vabuda neka radio

Husband : Babes uripi ?
Wife : Im home 
Husband : Kunyepa ita on radio
Wife : Radio on shhhhhh

Advantages enhamo dzedu mu Zimbabwe

Advantages enhamo dzedu muZIM:

Aunty Rhoda - kuonda

Sei musinga uyi nechingwa?

huya tiverenge mari

Murume: Huya kuno

Zvakutoda bonde

Pakaita bongozozo paCopacabana. Mumwe mukadzi akatenga cascade pane umwe murume zvikanzii, "Ah mukwasha, drink renyu harisi kutonhora wani?" Murume akati zvakutoda Bonde amai. Mukadzi akapopota zvakatyisa achiti ungada bonde neni iwe? Murume uya akazoti, "Kwete amai, Bonde ndiforomani wangu."

Chinoz - Mudare

Tsivo - sahwira akandirega ndichi chata newe

Wife: Nhai baba Choklate, madini kuyambira shamwari yenyu iri kuchata next week kuti mukadzi waari kuchata naye haaite, ihure, huchapa futi ane makuhwa!
Husband : Ndinomuudzirei? Its a pay back time! Iye akandiregera ndichichata newe wani

Sisi vebasa pa whatsapp profile picture

Amai vakachinja profile pic kubvisa yababa kwakuisa ya pastor. 

Uri mwana here iwe

Mukadzi akabvunza murume wake kuti iwe why usingade kunditengera ma sweet. murume akati uri mwana here

Tese tiri varidzi

Hanzi siyana nemukadzi wemuridzi. Asiri muridzi ndiani? Kungoti maridziro, kwekuridzira nechekuridzisa ndozvakasiyana asi tese tiri varidzi

Nguva yekutenda pa Radio Zimbabwe

Mukadzi asinga shandi anonzi chii

Hanzi vakadzi vanogara pamba (vasinga shandi) vanonzi D.C.C. zvichireva:

Murume achitengera mukadzi wake Bra

Ndiyani anokuti 'Beautiful' pakati peusiku iyeye?

Mai Chisamba - Kujairira basa kwakaoma

Mushonga wekutyiwa nezvinhu zvose

Umwe murume akaenda kun'anga akati asekuru ndipei mushonga wekutyiwa nezvinhu zvose.Asekuru vakagadzira mushonga vakamupa.Murume akati achisvika kumba akaona huku kiti nembwa dzichitiza akati ndazviona,paakapinda mumba mukadzi akabva atiza,murume akaenda zve kun'anga kuti aiudze kuti kwete mudzimai,n'anga payakamuona yakabva yatiza kkkkkkk

Maruva pa Valentines

Zvakanzi na pastor ku church: 

Baba vamwa mushonga weshiri

Kutemhera vamwe mango mumuti

Hubby: ko zvawanga usingadaire phone wanga uchiitei?         

Ungazondibira mari yangu

Usandinetse ndakuda kurara

Chinoz - Ko hamusi kunzwa chando here?

Wife : ko nhai baba mwana nechando chiriko ichi apa hamuna juzi, hamusi kutonhorwa here??   

Munyama uri kumbobvepi

Uri kuchemei pa recipe?

A cheating wife recieved a massage from a boyfriend saying ''Its over....!'' 

Tsamba kuna Tete

Dear Aunty Rhoda : ndaitawo dambudziko. Mukadzi wangu anorara akapfeka hovhorosi. Pamwe bomber jacket, pamwe swimsuit , pamwe track suit. Nezuro akarara ne overcoat mukati aine skin tight. Ndodiiwo? 

Mabasa edoro

Mukadzi oreurura zvitadzo kumurume

Mukadzi airwara serious akati regai ndiudze murume wangu zvandakatadza ndisati ndafa,    

Kurumidza kusvipa!

Mubedha wakambo rarwa neumwe mukadzi

Asi vakadzi vakapusa unotonzwa vachizvikudza hanzi handirari pamubhedha wakamborarwa nemumwe mkadzi hee handishandisi midziyo yakamboshandiswa nemumwe mkadzi kkkk ko nhengo yababa yacho munodi kuiramba cz yakamboshandiswa nemumwe mkadzi

Unoita sei kana tikabata lotto

Hubby asks wife:
"Unoita sei ukanzwa kuti ndahwinha lotto?"
Wife: "Ndinotora half yacho ndokutiza."
Hubby: "Ndagona 3 numbers saka ndahwinha $27. Tora $13:50 yako urove pasi."

Ndatonzi ukasimuka hokoyo!

Rudo here kuti vanhu vageze vose

Munhu haana chakanaka!

Maitiro evanhu vanegodo 

1. Nice car - achaita accident pluz inodya fuel mota yacho 
   
2. Rich family - vane chikwambo 
   
3. Loving husband - akadyiswa
   
4. Gain weight - ma ARV arikumubvuma wena 
   
5. Loose weight - arikurwara chakamubata 
   
6. Good marriage - havambopedza gore varivese
   
7. Promotion at work - anodanana na Manager
   
8. Look good - akwereta hembe
   
9. Mukadzi akageza - anoda varume inzenza
   
10. Build a nice house - achafa akaisiya
    
11. Start a new project - hazvina kwazvinosvika.
    

Saka munhu woita zvipi?

vanhu rume vaka ngwarawawo

vakadzi vava kuwanza makeup

Ikozvino varume vanoto fanirwa kufamba nema dish ne sipo,  akaona mukadzi waada oti gezai kumeso asikana tizivane...

Kuitira kuti asazo ita heart attack the next time he sees her..

dai hangu ndiri bepa nhau

Murume aigara achiverenga newspaper nguva dzese.

Mukadzi: aaa dai ndiri newspaper
Murume: sei wadaro?
Mukadzi: nekuti waigara wakangondibata
Murume: neniwo ndaishuwira kuti dai waiva newspaper
Mukadzi: sei wadaro
Murume: nekuti ndaiti ndikakuverenga nhasi ndobva ndarasa mangwana ndotenga rimwe.

Ndapotsa ndabatwa ndichi dongorera

Masasi ekupenga: madam vakango nyarara

kuyamwa zamu ra amai nere girlfriend

Usada kundifadza nenhema

kubva mu Valentines yava Cyclone

masasi ekupenga: nyama kana kuti mince

Bhaibheri rinoti murume nemukadzi vachava nyama imwe. Saka kana iwe wasangana nevakadzi hobho ichiri nyama here or mince

Masasi ekupenga: ko ukawana vaendawo?

ndofira munhu wehuchi

mudzimai simbe asi shasha pane zvimwe

Ukaroora mukadzi wako ane usimbe  asi ari shasha pabonde, hama dzinoedza kupopota dzichikuudza zveusimbe hwake. Vamwe vanoti murambe, vamwe vanoti chino nechino asi iwe kuti uvaudze kuti ishasha pabonde zvinogumira parurimi. Unoguma wongoti " kungoti chete hamumuzivi!"

Kuwudzana mashoko erudo

masasi ekupenga - alarm

Wakambopa mukadzi phone, otsvaga oshaya mhosva. After 30mins, obva ati: "alarm iyi makaiisa muchida kuenda kupi?"

whatsapp - ndatambwa nyowani na madam

Women's Day

Happy womans day to ladies who wear shoesize 5 zvichidzika.Vamwe vese ngatimirirei Fathers Day

ndatambwa nyowani na madam

masasi ekupenga - kurota hope

Ndarota ndiri mombe mukadzi we shamwari yangu ari huswa. Zvinorevei nhai