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Nhaimi ipotatoes here iri

 Yakatambika nezuro. This reputable brother nicknamed Bandamukonde aibva kuchapel nema sisters ari bho-o. Kwabva kwauya vamwe sisi vekutsvaka mari nenhengo iya yemuviri ( yamunoda nemiwo). Vakabva vasviko bata tarauzi ra Bandeki nechepano pamusana vakati ndipe mari yangu.
Masister havana kukurumidza kufungira zvakaipa sezvo Bandeki ari munhu anoremekedzwa. Saka vakado kuzoziva kuti ko yaimbova mari yei. Bandeki ndokukurumidza kupindura achiti "haa akanditengesera mapotatoes".
Maiwee akabva aburana nasisi vaye. Nechinguva chisina kufanira vakaratidza
nengo iya kumunhu wose zvikanzi "Nhaimi ipotatoes here iri?

Vano tiitira zvakanaka kwazvoo

Mumwe mudzimai had a screensaver paphone yapastor wekuchurch kwavo. The husband was not happy and told her to remove the screensaver. Madam vakaramba arguing kuti
ndivo pastor vedu and vanotiitira zvakanaka.

The next day the husband came ane screensaver yemumwe musikana paphone pake and the wife asked ko ndiani uyu.  The man responded:

"Paya pamunenge muchiitirwa zvakanaka napastor ava ndivo vanenge vachitiitirawo zvakanaka. Ndivo barlady vekwatinomwira. Vanotiitira zvakanaka kwazvo."

Shamwari dzinovaka

I went to Church this Sunday and the apostle said I must only play neshamwari dzinovaka. Saka kubvira nhasi ndakutamba hangu nemabhiridha.

Ndiri weku Traffic

Pastor vakasvika nepaZRP ndokuona officer vachirava bible. Zvakavakatyamadza vakati, whaat! Mapurisa anoravawo magwaro nhai? Vakabvunza simple qstion yemubhaibheri vakati: "nhai officer ndiani pakati paCAIN naABEL akauraya munin'na wake?"

Officer ndokuti "Pastor bvunzai constable varimucharge office ndovanodealer nedzeMurder, ini ndiri weku Traffic!"

Kana zvadai ngati tize!

Pastor vaibva havo kuchurch nemota yavo ndokuona kamwana kachiedza kubaya interkom kachitadza  kusvikira vakamisa mota kuti vanokabatsira, vakakasimudza kakabaya interkom ikadairwa zvikanzi napastor yadairwa toita sei? Zvikanzi nekamwana ngatitizei 

Sisi vebasa pa whatsapp profile picture

Amai vakachinja profile pic kubvisa yababa kwakuisa ya pastor. 
Baba: ko chave chii zve pa pro pic?
Amai: ndawona kuti pastor vanotinamatira misi nenguva mazuva ose saka ndati ndivaisei paprof pic apa..
Baba ndokuti zvakanaka. Baba vachibva vachinjawo ndokuisa remusikana webasa (house girl). Amai vachinodai pa App yababa wanikwe pa prof pic pave na sisi. 
Amai: zvaita sei chii chandirikuona ichi?
Baba: ndawona kuti sisi vanotiira zvose, kubika, kuwacha zvese nekuchengeta vana isu tirikubasa. ndawona zvirinani ndimbovaisa paprofile pic pangu

Ingadayi yava dhora fifty

Sekuru vakatuma muzukuru ne50cents kundotenga coke. Muzukuru ari munzira mari yakabva yarasika ndokutsvaga asi akayi shaiwa. 

Gare gare sekuru vakaita follow up ndokuwana mzukuru achingo zeya zeya ndokubvunza kuti zvaita sei, zvikanzi "mari yarasika". Sekuru vakabva vatanga kupopota vachirova mzukuru zvakaita kuti apedzisire akudzorerawo. 

Vari mutsumburumbu iyi, pakabva pasvika pastor zvikanzi munorwirei ndobva vaudzwa. Zvikanzi na pastor "mungarwira 50cents?", vachibva vapa $1 kuna sekuru. 

Pastor vava kuenda, vakangotii fambei zvishoma nyonga nyonga ndobva yatangazve! Zvikanzi zvaita sei futi? Sekuru vakabva vati "mzukuru arasa coin rangu!"  Pastor vakabva vati  "inga ndakupai $1 wani?"

Sekuru vaya vachibva vati "Ingadai yave $1.50"

Yambiro kuvanasikana

Mufundisi achiparidza muChechi, "Imi, Vasikana! Dzikamai,muRoorwe! Kwete kuita seNdege yeku Malaysia!"
VaTendi ndokubvunza. "Ndege yekuMalaysia yakaita sei nhai Mufundisi?"
Mufundisi ndokupindura vachiti: "Yakakwirwa nevanhu 200, naNhasi haisati yawanikwa!"

Ini ndingori we traffic hangu

Pastor vaidarika zvavo nepa Police station, ndokuona Mupurisa aive Paboom gate achiverenga bible rake, Pastor zvakavashamisa kuti Mapurisa anoverengawo  bible  nhai.
Pastor vakati regai ndimubvunze simple question ndokuti, Nhai Officer pakati paCain naAbel ndiyani akauraya mumwe wake zvikanzi pindai mukati muone Constable vari muOffice number 5 ndivo vanoita zveMurder ini ndiri weTraffic.

Pastor vachitaura nezveDenga mu kereke


Pastor: Today i want to talk about heaven,
Interpretor: Nhasi ndikuda kumbotaura nezvedenga, 
Pastor: Not about the sky,
Interpretor: Kwete zvedenga,
Pastor: Not about the roof,
Interpretor: Kwete zvedenga
Pastor: Not about the ceiling,
Interpretor: Kwete zvedenga,
Pastor: But about heaven.
Interpretor: Asi zvedenga.

Unobuda wanzwei ipapa shuwa?

Kwaiva nehondo here?

Mai Taku: "Askana, ndiani arwara zvandaona mufundisi achibuda mumba menyu mangwanani?"
Mai Tino: "Mind your own business! Menyu zvamakabuda musoja nezuro, maiva nehondo
 here?"

Mharidzo yevanhu vasingapindi denga

Pastor: "Varoyi havapindi denga"
Chidhakwa : "Amen Pastor"
Pastor: "Mhombwe hadzipindi denga"
Chidhakwa:"Allelujah Munhu WaMwari"
Pastor: "Vanonyeya ,vamwe,mhondi nembavha havapindi denga"
Chidhakwa:"Ndizvozvo Pastor taurai zvenyu"
Pastor: "Kana zvidhakwa hazvipindi denga"
Chidhakwa: "Ndera mai vako here denga racho raunorambidza vamwe"

Mwana waMwari ndeupi?

Benzi rakapinda mu church rakabata pfuti rikasvika rikati, "Ndiani mwana waMwari ndimuendese kuna baba vake izvozvi?" Hapana munhu akataura kana kudaira. Rakabva radzokorodza zvakare richiridzira pfuti mudenga. "Ndati ndiani mwana wa Mwari muno ndimuendese kudenga kuna Mwari izvozvi?" Vamwe rasta vakabva vasimuka vakanongedzera pastor. Zvikanzi napastor "Iweeee-eeh! Ndisiye zvangu ini ndiri mwana wemuera Soko wepa Murehwa apa! Ndakazoita mwana waMwari riinhi???"

Ndatonzi ukasimuka hokoyo!

Pastor akapa announcement muchurch kuti murume wese anotongwa nemukadzi ngaauye kumberi,varume vakaita mudungwe kuenda kumberi kukasara kwakagara murume mumwe, Zvinova zvakashamisa pastor. Vakabva vati chitipawo solution kudambudziko ratinaro pano nokuti ndiwe usina problem. The man replied, 'ndatonzi ukasimuka hokoyo'! 

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