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Gudo rakakwira danda...

Question: Gudo rakakwira danda rikadonha. Chii chakadonha?
A. GUDO 
B. DANDA 
C.GUDO NEDANDA 
D. HAPANA

Hauna kusiyana nembwa

Chinoz and Madam vake vakagara zvavo mu-lounge
after dinner...
Madam (to Chinoz): Unogona ku-swimmer?
Chinoz: Aiwa
Madam: Saka unokundwa nembwa? Ha ha ha kikik
kikikiki (kuseka) Chinoz keeps quiet. Then a few moments later...
Chinoz: Ko iwe unogona ku-swimmer?
Madam: Yes of-course!
Chinoz: Saka hauna kumbosiyana nembwa

Chinoz pavaka uraya chipembere

Cde Chinoz vakasungwa nemapurisa ndokuendeswa kucourt.
MAGISTRATE: VaChinotimba mune mhosva yamuri kupomerwa yekuuraya chipembere munobvuma here kana kwete. 
CDE CHINOZ: pamusoroi changamire, makurukota,vedare nemi mose makateerera. Ini ndirikushamisika kuti ndiani arikundipomera mhosva ini ndisina kuuraya chipembere chake.
MAGISTRATE: Tati munobvuma here kuti makauraya chipembere? 
CDE CHINOZ: Hongu chipembere ndakauraya asi ndezvaniko zvipembere zvacho? 
MAGISTRATE: Ndezvedu tose as Zimbabweans. 
CDE CHINOZ: Ehe saka ndakauraya changu zvasara zvose ndezvenyu ini handisisina chipembere.

Makumbo akawandisa

Vamwe blaz vakaenda ku pet shop vakati ''i want something special, thats rare, thats exclusive'' 
Akanzi: ''pane imbwa inohukura national anthem'', akati kwete. Ndokunzi ''pane tsoko inogona kuverenga nekunyora'' akati kwete.
Pakazonzii ''pane zongororo rinoita mabasa ese emumba'', akati ''ndipei!''

Asvika kumba akati "zongororo, geza ndiro, wotsvaira nekukorobha mumba mese''. After 30 mins imba was spotless. Akabva ati ''timba nekudiridza garden'', very fast zongororo anga apedza, mface was impressed, akati ''horaiti chienda shops unotenga zvinhu zve b/fast".

Mface akamira 1hr, no zongororo, 2 hrs still no zongororo, after 3hrs akafunga kutevera shops, paakavhura door akawona zongororo akagara pasi akaribvunza nehasha ''ko iwe 
ndakutuma kudhara uchiri kuitei?"
Zongororo akati ''ita steady mhani, ndichiri kupfeka bhutsu MAKUMBO AKAWANDISA!"

Ndidzokorore here? Makwikwi eNzou

Vamwe baba vaifarira zvekutamba njuga, rimwe zuva vakaverenga mupepanhau maive makashambadzwa nzou yaiitiswa competition.
Zvainzi kwaidiwa munhu anokwanisa kuita kuti nzou iyoyo icheme. Paihwinwa mari ine chitsama. Mudhara akagaya munyati, ndokuenda kumakwikwi aya. 
Mudhara uya akasvika akaona vanhu vakawanda vachizama nzira dzose asi nzou isingacheme. mdhara Akaongorora nzou iya akaona iri hadzi akati hazvinetse, akabva akumbira kuti vanhu vese vamupe mkana ndokuupihwa. Akabva anyahwaira ndokuenda kushure kwayo achibva aita zvekutunga nemusoro uchibva wanyura munhengo yesikarudzi yenzou iya. Ipapo ipapo nzou yakanzwikwa kuchema yarwadziwa ukuwo mdhara musoro wakuramba kubuda, vanhu vakatozoita bishi kumukakata kuti abude ndokumumhanyisa kuchipatara sezvo ainge akomoka nekushaya mweya wekufema asi akanga atohwina. 
Zvino, after 2 days mdhara uya akaonazve mubepanhau nzou imwecheteyo yadzoka zvekare mucompetition asi this time kwaidiwa munhu anoita kuti nzou iyi igutsurire musoro yobva yazoudzungudza zvekare. 
Mudhara akafunga mari ndokumhanya kumakwikwi aya zvekare. Akasvika kuya ndokuona vanhu vari mushishi kukakatana nemusoro wenzou aasi isingabvume zvavaida. Akakumbira mukana vanhu vakambomuseka vachiti aifunga kuti angabudirire here sezvaakamboita pakutanga.
Zvisinei vakamupa mkana, mdhara akangoenda kumberi kwenzou kwakuizevezera munzeve achiti:
"Uchiri kundiziva?"
 Nzou yakagutsurira musoro mdara ndokuti:
"Ndokudzokorora zvandakambokuita futi?"
Nzou yakabva yadzungudza musoro vanhu vose vakaombera maoko mudhara akabva atohwina!

Mushonga wekutyiwa nezvinhu zvose

Umwe murume akaenda kun'anga akati asekuru ndipei mushonga wekutyiwa nezvinhu zvose.Asekuru vakagadzira mushonga vakamupa.Murume akati achisvika kumba akaona huku kiti nembwa dzichitiza akati ndazviona,paakapinda mumba mukadzi akabva atiza,murume akaenda zve kun'anga kuti aiudze kuti kwete mudzimai,n'anga payakamuona yakabva yatiza kkkkkkk

Tsuro - Mune ma carrots here

Tsuro kakapinda mushop ndokuti "mune macarrots here?" Zvikanzi hatina. Zuva rinotevera kakauya futi kakati: "mune ma carrots here?" 
Zvikanzi "Iwe! Takati hatina mhani! Ukadzoka futi uchiabvunza tinotora sando nechipikiri tokomerera mumusoro mako!"

Zuva retatu ndokubva kauyazve ndokubvunza: "Mune sando here?" Zvikanzi hatina, kakabva kati: "Ko zvipikiri?" Zvikanzi hatina. Ndokubva kati "Ko ma carrots?"

Todii kana tichisina rand ne dhora

Mazvinzwa here zvaitika muZimbabwe? Manga muine musangano wemari pakati pavaMugabe;Zuma naObama,saka vatadza kuwirirana Obama abva atora madollars ake akaenda.vaZuma vakatora marands avo vakaenda.
Saka muno hamusisina mari zvino bhazi ravakuita mombe kubva kuHarare kuenda kuBulawayo chenji imbudzi; kubva Harare kuenda Masvingo idhongi,chenji imbwa. 
Mutare kuenda Harare imbudzi, chenji ihuku. Kubva Harare kuenda nyamapanda 50kg yemanyowa. Makombi local shiri kuenda shiri kudzoka kana mbeva mbeva

Imbwa ichizamiwa doro

Teacher vakaisa mvura nedoro in different dishes and took a dog. Imbwa yakabva yamwa mvura ikasiya doro then the teacher asked vana kuti vadzidzei . Tindo akabva ati ndadzidza kuti wese asingamwi doro imbwaaa

type dzevanhu vari muma whatsapp groups

Did u knw kut every group has these characters:

1. Bete- vano bhowa kuona vachinzi typing...

2. Nhunzi - vane noise havanyarari... Anoita morning ka2  2 

3. Gonye - ukaona a typer i nonsense chete!!! Anovava.... naturaly sends boring texts dzisina respondent

4. Kamba- ava ndovanoseka joke yanezuro makseni, nhasi senyowani... type dziya dzino forwarder nyaya yeLast week or last year okumbira kut ndipei sando dzangu

5. Nguruve- ava ndovaya vema 'kkkkk' havana zvavanonyora zvine msoro

6. Gonzo- ava ndovasingadi kuti vamwe vafadze pagroup.... Vanoisa joke yavo yevamwe isati yasekwa

7. Murondatsimba- ava vanomirira kuti vamwe vaComente ivo vozongoita saizvozvo..... Ndoo vana Amen

8. Datya - ava vanobhowa vano texter kamwe pamwedzi. Last seen yacho inenge iri yelast week

9. Dzvinyu  - Ava vakadhinihwa manje. 2 mins vabuda mugroup 2 later vakumbira kudzoka. Vakadzoswa vanongosviko mhoresa vanhu mozoona iya vabuda futi.

10. Svosve  Ava maP. H. D (Permanent Home Dweller) vanogara pagroup. Always Online hapana chinomupotsa ende apana chaasinga comente

Iwe uri papi apa?????

Kufa kuri nani

Wife: sweetheart,ndiurairewo shumba. 
Husband: umm bby wandiomesera wadii wati ndiite chimwe chirinani. 
Wife: horaiti,ndipewo foni yako ndiverenge ma whats app messages ako. 
Husband: ahhh ndiratidze hako kuneshumba ndiuraye

Chinoz - Zebra

Teacher:Mr Chinotimba can you describe a Zebra in your own words . 
Chinotimba : Its a Donkey in a Highlanders Jersey

Gonyeti raka nanga Beitbridge

Gonyeti ramira pambudzi richideedzera $2 paBeitbridge vanhu kwakumhanyidzana wena 15 vakakwana vapinda paya Gudo richibva ragara zvaro pasteering zvikanzi vazukuru ini ndinokanganwa batanidzai mapondo angu agare auya. Team rabatanidza paye nekutya vabhadhara. Chinzwa Ma1 acho manje  after every 5 km Gudo raingodedzera vazukuru ini ndinokanganwa mapondo angu ngaauye.Team parakazosvika Beitbridge ranga rabhadhara $300 pamunhu.apa waiti ukaendesa yakabatana change yanga isingauye

Chinoz - huku inedzungu

Chinoz akatumwa nehuku kuendesa pamwe pamba kuMbare, ari munzira huku yakapunyuka iye kwava kutanga kuseka huku ichitiza, mumwe mukomana akabvunza "ko mudhara munosekei muchisiya huku ichienda" zvikanzi "ini ndini ndapihwa address siya iite dzungu icharasika"

masasi ekupenga - kufarisa sembudzi

Usafarise sembudzi inosimudza muswe ichikanganwa kuti ndiro bhurugwa

Ndiyani angaba shumba?

Ndakawana graft paLion n Cheetah Park, 3 months ndichishanda bhoo murungu kwaakundidzingira kuti ndakasiya gedhi repa lion enclosure rakashama pandakachaisa. 
Anorwara! Anofunga kuti ndiyani angabe shumba?

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