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Singular ne ma plurals...

kwai isu takadzidza stereki. pataive kuchikoro taita ma singular ne ma plurals.
kwai ticha akatiudza kuti Tom munhu mumwe uye Thomas vanhu vaviri.

baba vako vanofarirei

Teacher : Tiudzei kuti vanababa venyu vanofarirei zvekudya:

Pupil 1 : Vangu vanowanzoda mazondo.
Pupil 2 : Ini vangu vanoda madora.
Pupil 3 : Vangu makenduru.
Teacher : Ah!! Makenduru? Nei
Pupil 3 : Kana vorara manheru ega egavanoti kunaamai chidzima kenduru ndidye.

Wasu mu zamanishoni

Zvanzi wasu dzakanga dzechionyore zama pa Mount Pleasant Upper-top. Mubvunzo kwakootanga ngekuti, 'Compare and contrast...'

Invigilator wakasvika pana Wasu dziripakati pekudzvokora answer sheet reangaari panext padzo.

Invigilator : ko Wasu muri kuitei?
Samaz : ndiri kuCompare.
Invigilator : maCompare mozo dini?
Samaz : ndo adjusta answer yangu

Chimukuyu

Pane vamwe amai vataiona mazuva ose, zuva rovira tichibva kuchikoro. Mai ava vaigara vakazambira mushana vakaita zvokushadabura, pakati pemakumbo ava pakannyatsoteya zuva. 

Vakazotsiurwa nemumwewo muvakidzani wavo achiti "Nhai mai Spiwe, mugariro rudziiko iwoyo?" 

Ivo ndokubva vapindura vachiti "AAh zvababa vaSpiwe nhai vanondinetsa vachiti vanoda chimukuyu".

Ndiyani wa drawa magaro pa board?

Ticha watsva pachikoro vakadrawer human heart paboard kwakubvunza vana kuti chii?. Vana wese waingoti magaro. Ticha nehasha akamhanya kwaheadmaster kwakusvikomuudza kt vana varikumudheerera. Head haana kubvunza zvakawanda. Vakabva vaenda vese kuclass zvikanzi nahead ko imi vana sei muchidheerera madam imi. Vana vakati hatina kumbowadheerera. Nehasha zvikanzi nahead kana musiri kudheerera saka adrawer magaro paboard apo ndiani??

chinoz achinyora zamanishoni

MuExam yeGeo CHINOTIMBA anobvisa  hembe dzose osara nebrief.
Invigilator: ko zvadiizve nhaivaChinotimba.
chinoz: ndiri kuanswer  number 4 yakanzi answer in brief...

zvima bhibhi zve grade 0

Mwana weshamwari yangu akatanga grade 0 nezuro airamba kupfeka bib hanzi handitengese airtime..

kusheedzwa kwe register

Kubva tiri mafomu 1 mateacher edu aisheedza register achitanga nesurname e.g Peter Gomo ainzi Gomo Peter. Zvakazopera tamu form 3 pakauya mumwe mface ainzi Admire Jendera

Tshaka Zulu

Teacher asked Themba how tall was Tshaka? 
Themba: 1 km Sir,
Chinoz vakabva vapwatika havo nokuseka.....
Teacher: unosekei Chinoz? And he said, zvataurwa naThemba ... 
Teacher: chindiudza answer iwewe.....
Chinoz: 30 cm! hanti zvanga zvakanyorwa kuti Tshaka Zulu was a ruler..

Baba vangu imbavha, mai vangu...

Mudzidzisi akabvunza vana vose mumwe nemumwe mabasa evabereki vavo kamwe kakataura: "baba vangu imbavha ,mai vangu ihure..."

Teacher vakatsamwa ndokuendesa mwana kwaheadmaster. Mushure mwana akadzoka achidya apple teacher ndokubvunza: "wanzi kudii nahead?" 

Kakapindura: "hapana vandipa apple vakatora number dzamai vangu chete..."

ma results abuda...

ndirikubva kunotora maresults kuchikoro. Hazvina kumbomira mushe.

English. E

Maths. U

Accounts U

Facebook. B

Whatapp. A

Omo ne Surf zvinoburitsa furo here

Mwana muClass:

"Sir, ko tika mixer Omo ne Surf washing powder panobuda furo here?

Teacher: "Yes panobuda furo, handidi zvikubvunzwa zvisina basa makuseni so mhani"

Mwana achizevezera munzveve yeClassmate yake: "What a stupid answer panoita furo cei isu tisati taisa mvura UMMMM TICHAFOIRA GORE RINO"

Dofo re svomhu

Dzaingondinetsa Maths zvaizivikanwa nemunhu wese, Ndaitoti kana ndazama chaizvo ndinenge ndawana 20%. Ndaiwanzowanikwa ndirimuvanhu 4 vekupedzisira pamatest ese. 

Rimwe zuva takanyora test tapedza teacher ndokumaker ndokupedza. Vakazoti zvino akudeedzera munhu nemark yake apa vaifarira kudeedzera vachitanga nepasi kureva kuti anenge afoirisa ndiye aitangwa. Vakadedzera teacher 4%kusvika pa 10% zita rangu musi iwoyo palast four harina kuwanikwa vanhu vakatanga kungonditarisatarisa.

Vakadeedzera kusvika ku20 % handipo wena vaku50% rangu risati radanwa shamwari yangu
yandaigara nayo yakatanga kundirovarova musana kuratidza kuti nhasi wakwapura wena.

Teacher vakuma90% class yese ndobva yanditarisa ini hana yangu ichingoti bha bha ndobva ndanatsozembera chair yangu ndakagadzirira zvino kuchivaratidza  kuti handina  kuchipa musandijairire 95% harisati radanwa wena zvino teacher vasara nebepa one mumaoko ndakabva ndatanga kupfinyira pfinyira shirt yangu kuti sa highest ndinatsotora bepa rangu
nestep yechigentleman. 

Ndakabva ndanzwa teacher voti panebenzi risina kunyora zita pabepa iri ngariuye ritore bepa raro rine 2%

Nha

Nhamo na Welly vaidzidza vese mu class imwe. Nhamo aigona chikoro zvekuti bhe! Asi Welly waiva dofo ramakoko, zvekuti aitopona nekukopa Nhamo. Saka Nhamo aka chema chema kuti
shaa usakope zvese nezita unochinja woisawo rako.
Mangwana acho vakabva vapihwa bvunzo reshona raisanganisira tsumo,hoyo Welly avakuti pese pakanzi Nhamo iye kwaakunyora Welly. 

Hedzo tsumo dzaakanyorwa naWelly ,
  1. Welly yemumwe hairambirwi sadza .
  2. Rugare tange Welly 
  3. Kuseka Welly kunge rugare 
  4. Welly iWelly zvayo amai havaroodzwe
  5. Welly neman'a hazvisiyani
  6. iWelly yefodya kuti uku yakarumwa uku inotsva

Ndiani aridza tsamwa

Teacher says kuvana, 'anenge atanga kupindura mubvunzo wangu correct anobva aenda kumba, '
jojo dofo achibva aridza tsamwa zvikanzi na ticha Ndiani aridza tsamwa, zvikanzi na Jojo, ndini, bye bye ndaenda ini....

Wachembera

Kana wakaita izvi, wachembera:

  1. Watched Mvengemvenge Ezomgido by Eric night
  2. Watched macguiver,21 jump street tour of duty and Neighbours, Chips
  3. Sang Ishe Komborerai Africa
  4. Ate ma doink and viscos
  5. Drank Tarino
  6. Used a 5cent coin that had a rabbit
  7. Tear sandcooler in half to share with your fried
  8. Used sand as an antiseptic
  9. Your first television set was black n white called Giant or  President.
  10. You can sing Ndochi
  11. Once ate mango and salt
  12. Kuwachira Carpet pamsoro pemba.
  13. Kutumwa kunotenga chingwa wotenga sliced wodya mapiece 2 epakati.
  14. Kuba salt mumba uchida kudya mabhurumango mambishi awaienda kunoba pamaraini penyu.
  15. Kuita game rekuvhura magazine uchiti page iyi ndeyangu rekuside uko nderako.
  16. Kumisa bhazi pabus stop pasina vamwe rakamira wotiza uchiseka.
  17. Kutumwa kumashops kunotenga madrinks maEmpty ari mupaperbag achifamba achirira road yose.
  18. Kukwira muti wotanga kudriver uchiti ibhazi.
  19. Kunotamba bhora nevamwe team yako yakadyiwa woti handichada ndipei bhora rangu ndakuenda kumba.
  20. Kuzora mafuta pamusoro peshena.
  21. Kugadzira bhora rezvikweshe rinedombo pakati woti vapfanha vakike!
  22. Kusunga huswa munzira kuti vamwe vadonhe.
  23. Kuisa salt pasi perurimi kana waita mhosva kuti ukarohwa ufende!
  24. Ukadenhwa term ichitanga wozogarira munhu wacho pagedhi rechikoro musi wekuvhara
  25. Kuba nzimbe kumaraini asi kumba kwenyu dziriko.
  26. potato crips zaza the stalet mama chomupikini puzzi the dog
  27. Ukanzwa Jarzin man woziva kuti ndakubuda mumba kuenda kuchikoro.
  28. Kutswanyirana sweet ne dombo 
  29. kunoona wwf panext kana une shena hawaibvumirwa kupinda
  30. Kana wakambopfeka PRO-SPORT OR Grasshooper

Sentence ina shuga

Teacher: Simba ndipewo sentence ine izwi rekuti 'sugar'. 
Simba : amai vakunwa tea. 
Teacher: saka izwi rekuti 'sugar riripapi apa?. 
Simba: muTea imomo mune sugar

zvigumwe eleven

Jonso ndiye aiva mface muhombe muform 3c apa aichena achidiwa nema bhebhi but gwazhi manga musina. Rimwe zuva akazopfimba chibabe chaidiwa nateacher vemaths chimunewcomer. Teacher vakagaya kuwachisa Jonso muleson. 
Teacher: "Jonso 5+5 answer ndiyani ?". Kuti averenge zvigumwe achionekwa Jonso akatya kumakisa.  Kwaakuisa maoko muhomwe ndokuverengera. 
With confidence Jonso dzakazodaidzira " Answer ndi 11 sir."

chinoz - marudzi ema kiss

Teacher - ndiani angatipewo marudzi ekiss amunoziva? 
Caleb - deep kiss, 
Gift - french kiss, 
Chinoz - kiss dhondoro. 
Teacher - chii????? 
Chinoz - sorry, kiss musi

Chinoz - tangai nezvidiki

Mwana waChinos fails to spell e word COW.
Teacher meets e parent n let him know..
Chinos respond ... "mungadaiwo mamutanga nezvidiki like mosquitoes not a cow"
Igore rezvidzidzo nhai...

Gore rezvidzidzo - report book

Ndiri kubva kunotora report book renyu rezvidzidzo, haa harina kumbomira zvakanaka:

  • Maths 15%
  • Accounts 9%
  • Facebook 98%
  • English 15%
  • Biology 27% 
  • Makuhwa 100%   
  • Kunyeya 82%
  • Whatsapp 99%
  • Kunamata 1%
hanzi nateacher wenyu sungayi dzisimbe pachidzidzo chekupedzisira.

grade 7 shona exam - hawairevesa tina

Grade 7 Shona exam:

Hawairevesa Tina......?????
Pedzisa negitare rakakodzera.
A.dhiriri tinti
B.tiri tiri titi
C.dhiriri ndi tintii
D.giri ngi kinkiiiii

Gore rezvidzidzo - GREC

Anyway dear group members be informed kuti muchambondishaya kwekanguva pagroup apa ndahaiwa neve GREC kuseta mamidyear test.  Kune varasika GREC  yakamirira Gore Rezvidzidzo Examination Council!

Gore rezvi dzidzo - homework

Mwana adzokazve nehomework iyi ndiyo mivhunzo ycho ini ndazvikonewa saka ndauya kwauri:

Q1: rurimi rwenhunzi rune colour yerudzii

Q2: tsvina yemombe inonzi ndove koyemosquito inonzi chii?

Q3: mwana weinda anonzi chii?

Q4: nditaurire kuti average weight yenyuchi ichangoberekwa ichii?

Q5: tsikidzi hadzi inonzi chii nechingezi?

Q6: munhu anoba anonzi mbavha, ko anobirwa wacho anonzi kudii?

Flag ye Zimbabwe

Teacher: ko black colour iri paflag yedu yeZimbabwe yakamirirei?
Mwana: Load shedding

Huya pano ne chiNdebele

Teacher: ndiani anogona ndebele munomu?
Kid: ini ndokiya kiya
Teacher: ko kana uchida kuti kumuhu huyapano unoti chiii?
Kid: buya lapa
Teacher: ok .kokana wakuda kuti adzokere kwaabva unotichii?
Kid: azvinetsi ndongoenda kwaabva ndoti buya lapa futi

Zvinhu zvese zvongo kwira

Mudzidzisi akabvunza vana kuti 1+1 = chii?
Umwe mwana ndokusimuka akati 1+1=4, umwe mudhara aitopfuura achibva kunobhadharirara vana fees ndokuzvinzwa. 

Mudhara uya akabva adzungudza musoro akati "Nzara
ichatiuraya muno munyika! Zvinhu zvichingokwira kudai, kubva ku transport, peturo, zvikafu kana iyo 1+1 yaimbova 2 ikozvino yatokwira yava 4"

Rondedzero: Akarumwa nechokuchera

Zimsec 2014

Shona Paper 2

Rondedzero : Akarumwa neChokuchera

Chekuchera chinoruma vakomana. Mukoma aichera pasi ndobva pabuda chekuchera iye ndokutanga kutiza, akamhanya akamhanya akamhanya wanikwe chekuchera chiri kungouya. Vanhu vakatora matemo asi chekuchera hachina kutya,chikati naaaye .Mukoma achida kunoti nzvee nechikwere chehuku ndiye ngaaa kurumwa.. Vanhu vachisvika wanei Aah, arumwa nechekuchera.

Handeyi hedu tinogeza mazino

Teacher: "Kana wakagara uchitaura nemunhu arikunhuwa mukanwa, unogona hako kumuudza uchiti chii?"
John : "aargh pano parikubhohwa handei hedu tinogeza mazino"

Kudzidza Zvakawanda - End of Year Exam 2015

Kudzidza Zvakawanda Part1
Shona Paper 1.

Exam No. 1179/1.

01. Tipe boka revanhu raive riri vavava vamwe vachihusvuura paXmas? (6)
A. Civil servants.
B. Ma cross border.
C. Ma Grade Seven.
D. Vana Hwindi.

2. Ndivana ani mundima yawaverenga vari kunzi ukakweretesa unenge wasungirira mari yako pagumbo rengwena???? (4)
A. Mbavha.
B. Comby Driver.
C. Civil servants.
D. Varimi.

03. Vasikana vaisada kumira naani paXmas?(8)
A. Vafudzi
 vemombe.
B. Garden boy.
C. Hwindi.
D. C/ Servants.

04. Ndivanaani vari kufananidzwa neRadiator kuguta mvura?(4) marks.
A. Gonyeti drvr.
B. C/ Servants.
C. Cross border.
D. Vasikana vebasa.

05. Ndevapi vasingapiwe bonus??(3)Mark
A. Buddie users.
B. Telecel users.
C. Net 1 users.
D. C/Servants

Total 25 marks.

Pane angaitawo penzura?

Nhai pane angaiteiwo penzura nemacrayons? Ndagashira tsamba kubank kwangu hanzi ndiuye kunodrawer mari mangwana.

10+10 ichii

Baba: 10+10 
Tindo: 15 
Baba: ‎uchafa uri dofo 
Tindo: baba mukaona 20us ne 100 us muno nhonga ipi?
Baba: 100us ka 
Tindo: muchafa muri rombe hantie unonhonga yese

O'Level results slip

O Level  Results:

Name : Tyler 
Surname: Venom

Magaba Secondary School

Maths                 U
English               U
Shona                 U
Science               U
Geography           U
History                 U
Zimdancehall        A

NB: Ma clarks haana kuuya coz Zimsec ikufunga kuti akaona bepa.

Munhu asingamwi doro idhongi

Mudzidzisi wakaisa mabuckets two, redoro neremvura. Akabva atinha dongi. Dongi rakasvika pabucket redoro ndokudarika, ndokuenda paneremvura ndokunwa.
Mudzidzisi akabva abvunza vana kuti vakanga vazidzei.
John: "Ini  ndadzidza kut wese asinganwi doro idhongi!"

Hwindi aona teacher wake

Hwindi akaona teacher wake achipfuura iye achidaidzira budiriro budiriro pamarket square ndokuti teacher teacher noise yamaindirovera muclass yakundi raramisa nhasi

Sugar Daddy yeku MSU

Umwe musikana weku Midlands State University (MSU) akaisa pikicha yababa vake se Whatsapp profile picture. Umwe musikana waano dzidza naye paakayona akamuti:
"Nhai sahwi, newewo unoizivawo Sugar daddy iyi, inondisvota sei. Haifariri condom, but inobuda mari'.

svomhu: 5 anopinda kangani muna 20

Teacher : Temba, 5 anopinda kangani muna 20?
Temba: kunoitei? 
Teacher: i maths, weka tione 
Temba: kana muchinakidza,anogona kupinda kana ka 10, asi kana muchibhowa anopinda ka 1

Chinoz - Chamupidigori

Son: Daddy I have got homework?
Chinoz: Taura ndikubatsire!
Son: Hanzi tirikuda maWords anopera na"..gory"
Chinoz: Saka iwewe wanyora kuti chii?
Son: Ndanyora kuti "Gregory, naCategory, .saka kwasara 1.
Chinoz: Ko watadza kungoti "Chamupidigory?"

Vana vechikoro vanonyima

 Ndiani anonyima pavana vechikoro ava:
1.Mockery anotakurira rice mugaba recamphor...
2.Mercy anodyira mangai muhengechepfu achinyepedzera kufura madzihwa...
3. Trynos anotakurira mazoe muchigubhu cheharpic...
4. Kumbirai anotakurira majigizi mubepa resurf....

Ngano dzeku grade zero - shili

Musafe makamanikidza twuvana twema Grade Zero kuita ngano. Inzwai ngano iyo yakaitwa nekamwana kairamba kuita ngano kusvika kazobatirwa shamhu kuti kaite, ndobva kati:

Shili akashila shulo, ndobva shulo ashula, zhikanji nashili asi nili kukushilisa zhinolwajisa hele, zhikanji nashulo aiwa yamba uchikoiya chete ini nili kunakilwa, zhikanzi nashili saka washulilei, zhikanzi nashulo sholi bhebhi kunakilwa, zhikanzi na shili manje so handichakushile futi kana uchiti nikakushila iwe woshula. Zhikanji nashili sholi sholi, ndozhandoita kana ndazhipigwa. Zhikanzi nashili olaiti ndakulegelela hangu but chifongola futi ndikushile nekumashule!
Ndopakapelela salungano! 

Chirungu chacho kana chadai regai

Mkomana aiva form 4 akanzi nababa vake anyore 5 sentences kubva kushona oisa mu english 
  1. Ndawana mari nekutengesa maponde - l get money by selling many sex 
  2. Ndine makore 18 - l have 18 clouds 
Baba vakabva vati chirega hako mwanangu!

masasi ekupenga - rudo rwavanana

Ukaona uchipinda nemoyo wose murelationship uchiri teenager . ....zvakafanana nekuisa fitted cupboard paunoroja

chinoz - Mazita ama bhuku

Teacher: Ndipeiwo mazita emabook amunoziva
Bruce Kangwa: Kusasana Kunoparira by M. A. Hamutyinei
Teacher: Good... Umwe
Zvirekwi: Macbeth by W. Shakespear
Teacher: Excellent!!! Umwewo
(Chinoz raises his hand with much enthusiasm)
Teacher: Eh Chinoz tell us...
Chinoz : Counter book by Croxley.

Derere rinonzii nechishona?

Teacher: class derere nechishona rinonzii? 
Kambeni: sliding vegetables 
Teacher: stupid ko kona inonzii Prosper? 
Prosper: nzveeeee!!!

Kuri kudiwa affidavit

MOSES : Shaa ma1, ndakarasa licence saka ndanzi ndiuye ne after david.
CHENGE: After David ndiyani?
MOSES : Chibepa chinosainwa na Commissioner of goats.
CHENGE : kkkkkkkkk (shaking her head) Moses enda kugwazh

Grade 1 - Unonzi ani?

Mwana ainzi anius vaishotena vachiti ani zvakazonetsa mudzidzisi paakada kuzoenda kuchikora grade 1 
Mudzidzi:Unonzi ani? 
Anius:Munotoziva zita rangu makaudzwa namukoma kani?

Munhu asingamwi doro imbwa!

Teacher vaida kuratidza vana kuti doro rakaipa vakaisa doro munerimwe dish rimwe ndokuisa mvura vakatora imbwa kuti imwe imbwa yakasiya doro kwakumwa mvura, Teacher vakabvunza kuti madzidzei, vana vakati tadzidza kuti munhu asingamwi doro akangofanana nembwa

bronco - ndege yarira

Pachikoro chiri pedyo neairport paiva nemwana wechikoro mukomana. akanga akadhakiwa nebronco so sairini yakarira muna madam iye akagara pakona akashevedzera kuti:
madam ndege yarira.
Class yese yakati bvuu kuseka!

Rondedzero ine mazwi anodarika 120

Yemateacher yekuda kunetsa iyi. vana vanzi nyora rondedzero ine manzwi anodarika 120:

China 15 Ndira 2015

Zvandakaita pazororo


Pazororo reKisimusi ndakafara chose.Vana mukoma vangu vakati handei tinovhima.Takaona tsuro ndobva tatanga kudeedzera tichiti iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo  iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo  iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo iyo  iyo iyo iyo  iyo  iyo iyo  iyo  iyo kusvika taishaiwa ndobva tadzokera kumba.

Musikana dofo - geography

Hanzi musikana anga achinyepera mukomana kuti akadzidza iye asina. So vakazoenda kuhotel . Mukomana akabvunza musikana kuti "iri cei geography?" Musikana akati" iri right asi ndajaira kuidya ine nyama."

Ma donations e swimming pool

Pane mwana wechikoro asvika pamba pangu achida madonations, hanzi pachikoro parikuda kuvakwa swimming pool.hameno kana ndagona ndamupa 20 litres dzemvura.

Nyora rondedzero uchitsanangura zuva
rawakaona ndond

Takamuka zvedu tikapinda musango.
Takafamba zuva rose hapana chatakaona.
Rakazoti zuva rotoda kuvira
ndoopandakaona aaaaah iyo wena ndondo
yakatomira zvayo pasi pemuti ichitonwa hayo mvura.

Ndiyai mudiki kumba kwenyu

Teacher: Tonderai kumba kwenyu ndiani mudiki?
Tonderai: Ndi daddy
Teacher:  Seyi wati ndi daddy?
Tonderai: Nekuti ndovachiri kurara namhamha

Mudzidzisi waibvunza vana vechikoro mitupo yavo:

Thomas: Tsoko Murehwa 
Chinoz: Tsindi Marondera 

Teacher: Kana zvaakudaro handichadi!

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